Two Mothers Vs One mother # Part 2

Two Mothers Vs One mother #  Part 2

 

Disclaimer: This is seldom discussed but thought deeply. Some may find it sensitive, to some it may seem biased/ one sided, for some it may be too lateral. These are my personal views. Not intended to degrade anybody. Read at your own emotional risk. Reader,s discretion is welcomed.

 

Ever since my childhood till high school, it never came to my mind that I was a girl and there were certain limitations/restrictions. I owe it entirely to the upbringing of my parents and my school. Whatever my elder brother was allowed, even I was allowed for example swimming, cycling, horse riding etc. In my eighth class, I had organized a trip with my class friends to “Appu Ghar” –Adventure theme park of our times. Momsie always addressed me by numerous pet names like- Raju, Chand, to name a few. Only when I entered medical school, during ragging time, I was hit by the reality of caste, religion and gender. Up till then, I was just a Cambridge School student in pursuit of knowledge. Leaving New Delhi, my hometown at age of seventeen, I was used to leading an independent, self sufficient life. Once I entered the second phase# quarter of my life, I got married to an awesome person with an amazing family. This was the second time, life hit me directly on my face (post high school days).

Overnight, my independent (thinking) status as a single account holder became a joint account status. Suddenly my shoulder,s started carrying the weight of two families and in order to strike a balance, I started losing onto my core being.  I often asked my parents, the importance of education and being independent, self confident, when one fine day it had to take a back seat and all that what would matter would be your spouse and in-laws. My parents would smile and comment, “One day you will realize the importance of your education, as it helps the person in leading a healthy, balanced life.”

Surfing the way of life, it dawned upon me that all the golden words by my Momsie-Popsie were the benchmarks. That knowledge helped me in staying afloat in this vast ocean of emotions and challenges. I realized the importance of hard work of my initial years # first quarter. Compiled the golden words with my personal silver words (Ha !Ha!) into a rule book which I advocate:

1)A daughter in law can be a very good daughter in law # never a daughter. Similarly, a mother in law can be a very good mother in law # never a mother. So it goes for father-in law and other relations. Let,s maintain the individual identity and dignity of each relation and not amalgamate. Everyone has only one mother and one father, in laws are Dharam maa and Dharam pita . Its beautiful this way. Don,t change the equation.

2)One should not expect too much from his/her spouse. Everyone has their own background and ways of expression. Don,t expect the other person to respond the way you respond. It will never happen.

3)Every soul is never hundred percent powerful. There is an Achille,s point in everyone. Identify,  as early as possible and avoid hitting that point. Else you are inviting wrath of the Gods.

4)Give each other enough space as breathing space is mandatory for healthy, prosperous growth. Don,t try to  be a parent to your spouse (they already have), be a friend, a lover instead.

5)Everyone has their own style and speed of handling things. Avoid imposing yours and making them feel incompetent/inferior.

6) Don’t strive for perfect relationships. Many a times, we drown under this tremendous pressure   It,s absolutely fine to have imperfect ones. The idea is to be “imperfectly perfect.” Howzzat!

7) Don’t, try to change your spouse. Accept them as they are. The sooner one learns this mantra, better it is for the relationship. Instead, work on your own self. Let,s be a better version than the previous day.

8)Don,t fall prey to this gender equality issues. God have created men and women from different moulds. To be compared, one needs similar parameters. In his case, they are entirely different. So, how can both be equated?? Rather, they are complimentary to each other- poorak hain , ek dusre ke”.

9)Restrain from posing your life as a fairy tale aka Yash Chopra types. Every relationship has its own flaws. Learn the art working on it rather than hiding it under the carpet. Let the glow be from within.

10) Refrain from aiming to be “Power Couples.” It,s absolutely normal to be a normal couple.

This Rule Book of twenty (ten from Part 1) has helped me immensely in my journey in this mortal coil. Each soul is on its own journey in this cosmic world. No two are alike. Let,s first accept ourselves as we are! Once, this is achieved, miracles happen.

I endorse that a child should be brought up like a child and not as daughters or sons! Once, this shift occurs in our mindset, most of the situations will be won. All it takes is just one thought for revolution to happen.

“ Aapo Deevo bhavo” Be your own guiding light!

Love,

Juju.