The Closure! Part 2

P.S. This write up is dedicated to all the souls who left their mortal form suddenly, who were alone in their last moment or did not get a proper farewell as per their rituals and customs. Dedicated to my school friend who is unable to come to terms with loss of her parent and seeks my help. Pray this helps !

Human beings live life as if, they are immortal. The awareness about mortality has been deeply buried. Time and again, the vulnerable aspect of human life strikes and the slumber is broken. Some handle it in a stride, few tend to remain shaken, for  others, it may take a long time to come to terms with reality .

Covid pandemic has been one of the greatest tool in bringing this fact on surface. Human beings are vulnerable and mortal. Yet, many  people tend to forget this. Last eighteen months have witnessed many instances. So many people were half way across the globe when their loved ones left on higher journeys. The pain of not being in their last moment or in being a part of their last journey has given rise to many psychological issues. The feeling of helplessness is a very strong emotion. 

One must need to accept the fact that, "In the court of God ,there is no appeal. One must accept his will gracefully". My Popsie's sentence when my mother left on her higher journey. There should be no space for guilt. The moment is decided by God. When the time comes, there is  no way, one can postpone it. This phase is very tender, tiring with numerous ongoing inner conflicts. The events tend to replay repeatedly in one's mind. One tries to find areas of mistakes or moments where a better decision could have been taken so as to beat death. It is of great importance to remind oneself that the decisions taken in those circumstances were the best. 

Gradually, each one finds ways of closures. That closure is near complete healing. Some like to keep few things of their loved ones as memoirs. Few cook meals, which was the deceased one's favourite. Few try to identify the habits in their siblings, some try to carry forward their legacy or give a meaning to their unfinished tasks. Or few dedicate a book to their loved ones, just like me.

My book Momsie Popsie Diary -Tea time chit chat on living life, is my closure. Now I can talk about my mother and my eyes don't get wet. It took me nearly five years to find my closure. Hope all of you find your closures!

Just a fleeting thought ! Is this really a closure ? Or we are fooling ourselves into believing it! 

Don't analyse life, enjoy life. 

The show must go on. 

Love, 

Juju.

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

A baby is born in this world, free, natural and pure. The entire family tries to inculcate discipline in the little child right from the next moment. Be it feeding schedule, bathing schedule, toilet training etc. Somehow, what the newborn learns depends upon the learning experience of the teachers - parents and family. 

During the initial years, the carefree, natural soul is conditioned as per family's and society values. Everything seems black and white with no transition zones. It,s either right or wrong. Gradually, the child becomes a disciplined and cultured person. The situation changes when the time comes to fly from the nest.

Welcome aboard ! the arena of life - big world. There is exposure to different culture and traditions. Many of us start to feel suffocated in our disciplined moulds. Lucky are those ,who can control/modify the breaking of their cast and embrace life as it is. If this spell is broken, indiscipline is bound to make its way. It is always right there, waiting for a chance. 

Indiscipline has many alibis. Like a slow poison, deterioration starts to happen in all spheres, be it health, financial or  personal. For nearly four decades , I have lived a disciplined life before I was suddenly hit. It changed my perspective towards life and indiscipline creeped in. My mother, my Momsie left for her higher journey in my lap six years ago. 

My thinking changed and I started doing things, like I had never ever done before. The excuse was ," Finally one has go ! No body ever walks to his/her pyre/ grave. So, live life as if there is no tomorrow." The philosophy was correct, but the means to achieve it were not right. 

Gradually, I gained extra kilos, became withdrawn from social circles, became an introvert. This reflected in my overall behaviour, my dressing sense, my eating habits etc. I was jolted out of this phase by my angel in heaven. She came in my dreams and remarked, " What have you done to yourself? Is this your way of expressing that you miss me ? No, you are just finding an excuse to justify your indiscipline!" 

The next morning rays brought clarity and hope in my life. My vision was crystal clear. My life of indiscipline moved back to life of discipline. Now, it shows in my all spheres - personal, professional and social. The journey of discipline is a tedious, rocky terrain with lots of green meadows and breathtaking waterfalls on either side. No matter what, just don't budge from your path and enjoy the journey.

Our nature works in a disciplined way, in complete harmony with all elements of life - land, water, sky, fire and spirit. We, human beings should learn to live in discipline and in harmony with nature. 

After a wobbly half decade of indiscipline , I am back to my disciplined ways . Hope all of you chose your path wisely.

Love , 

Juju! 

The Closure ! Part 1

The Closure! 

Everything, everyone needs a closure. If we talk in medical terms,the primary wound closure takes generally 24 to 48 hours, that's healing by primary and secondary intention.  Thereafter, it takes around 4 to 6 weeks for the wound to heal and tissue to regain strength. This is the time period that nature has decided upon the wound closures. But what about our emotional wounds? How much time does it take? Have you ever thought about it?  The amount of time emotional wound takes to heal, can take from few hours, to days for few of us, to a lifetime for others.

Right from the time, when we learn to speak to the time we learn to be in silence, I have realized, talking doesn't require much energy. Whereas, it takes immense strength, will power and restraint to withhold our words. In many situations, speaking becomes detrimental. The proverb, " If speech is silver, silence is gold", holds true. Silence is closure to speech.

The point here, which comes in my mind is how do we define " the closure". As a child, one learns (even at a subconscious level) that anything which we open, must be closed. For example, in childhood days, whenever we used to open a box of biscuits or chips, mother used to say," please close the tin otherwise it will lose its crispness and become soggy". Over and over, time and again one hears these various words - close the fridge, close the door, close the almirah,close the water tap, close the file, close the deal etc.  

As I sit at my work place, fully charged, energized and motivated, I begin to wonder as to what is really " The closure ?" What exactly does the closure do?  Does it mean that in that moment, we have closed or settled our karma ! I'm not sure about, what it exactly means. But one thing is clear, a closure is necessary. 

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every coin has two faces, every human being also has a good and a bad side. Similarly, every situation has an opening and closure. Every conversation also needs a concluding statement, every event/ conference, every meal etc. There is a temporary closure when we say a goodbye too!  We take birth, from a source of energy, we take a mortal form. After many years, later , again we leave this mortal form to be in our soul form that is energy. This seems like a closure. If you look at the weather, summers pave way for the rainy season,  rainy season ends and makes way for the winters,  winters to spring. 

The closure gives immense satisfaction and a feeling of completeness. The earlier one adapts to this theory of closure and start practicing it, closer is one in achieving "Nirvana or moksha".

Happy closures to all of you. Whichever thing you start, pray you are able to end, whichever wounds are gaping or open in your lives, wish you have the closures. In case, the wounds -be it emotional or physical, are infected, God give you the strength to amputate them for proper closures.

The most recent difficulty mankind is facing is in this Corona pandemic where, close ones have been lost without a proper farewell. Grief stricken people are yearning for closures. This requires another write up as Part 2.

Till then, keep reading,  keep loving, keep caring and keep sharing.

Love, 

Juju 

4:40 am

4:40 am

This word and time is very close to my heart. Those were the days !  I am taking you back to the era, when all of us lived normal lives # Pre Covid Era. My elder monk, who is in medical school used to leave by this 4:40 am PRTC ( Punjab roadways transport corporation) bus on Mondays, which ever weekend she came. This golden time period was purely divine. Waking up at 3:30 am , preparing tea, packing breakfast getting ready etc to reach bus stand by 4:30 am. 

Earlier, I had a misconception about state roadways bus setvice, especially Punjab roadways. I used to find them highly unsafe. Thanks to my elder monk, I am happy to change my biased opinion. Over the years, I found these bus services to be safe, their driver and conductors co-operative and polite. They greet you with a warm assuring smile. When they say ," Mam, don't worry, we will halt the bus, right in front of medical school",  your worries disappear.

For the very first time, when I reached the bus stand, I spoke to driver, to enquire about his health, sleep and hunger status. The driver sensed my concern and replied in a most assuring way, " Mam, seems like you have come to drop your ward for the first time! For us, it's a routine. We sleep well and don't take any intoxicant."  

Gradually, over time I developed faith and trust. This monday morning ritual from twice a month, became once in three weeks and increased gradually. With the onset of pandemic , this moment became a cherished memory. I found so many students and people who were a regular feature. Enthusiastic students waiting to board the bus as they move ahead in their journey of life, people who were off to their jobs and parents like me who always felt a piece of their heart going onboard with this "king of state highway". 

Ever since then, I have learnt to bless all the state transport vehicles especially buses. I send positive vibes and blessings to all the drivers, conductors,  passengers and pray for their safe journey to workplace or home. 

Similarly, when my elder one started riding a two wheeler, my whole perspective changed towards two wheelers on the road. Earlier, I use to find them a nuisance on roads (honestly!). Later, I accepted them as teenage vehicles in this big world of four wheelers - light motor and heavy vehicles . Once acceptance came, I started sending blessings and prayers to all the two wheelers on the road. 

With this pandemic, so many cherished routines have become memories now. Another important one, is seeing one's child in school uniform and school bag. Their energetic smiles once they reach school , their cheerful hand wave as they run towards the school gate, is a priceless moment. All your worries vanish. 

Everyone has some special time and moment close to one,s heart.

I shared mine: what's yours ?

Love, 

Juju 

When I call or message, it means....

 When I call or message, it means ........

I leave this incomplete sentence for readers, to complete for themselves. 

I will complete this sentence from my own perspective. It means that person is very important in my life and I just want to check on their well being. There is no intention of breeching into their private life. We all have twenty four hours. If someone (in your circle) messages or calls you, one should try to take that call or revert back as soon as possible (in case you are unable to take that call). 

There are many individuals who have a latency in replying. That's the way they are. It's nothing personal against someone. Their behaviour is same for everyone (No offense intended). They need to be unconditionally accepted.

I have realized, after going around the sun for four and a half decades, each person is shaped depending upon the family environment and circumstances. Some families have a habit of staying connected, keep each other updated. Whereas in others, the principle is simple, "No news, means good news ." If a person from first type connects with person from second family type - differences are bound to happen. One must accept the fact that , nobody is wrong ! they are just different. A slight change in our thinking can avoid numerous mis-understandings. 

Another aspect, which I learnt is that while reading a message , your state of mind decides the unseen tone and emotions attached by the sender. If one is happy, the message sounds chirpy and if one is irritable, the message context takes another dimension. I feel it's better to call than text ( if situation permits).

Suppose, the text is ," Please do not message I am busy ". The way we apply pause, commas etc decide the context. Here, the reader decides the tone of the sender. This can be read as , " Please, do not message. I am busy." It conveys a polite meassge . On the other hand, if it is read as (in single breath) ," Please do not message I am busy." One just cannot read the last sentence without a serious, stern expression. 

One must consider oneself as a soul in a continuous process of evolving state. Majority of us must have harboured some sour feelings against someone in message chats. I pray most of the times, these must have been resolved. Life is too short to hold grudges or hatred, when there is so little time to love and share. Whenever you get a chance please call and speak. Remind yourself every minute- "Not to be judgemental as we never know their journey." Refrain from the habit of labeling someone as wrong or bad, just remember they are different."

When I call or message, it means you are on my mind. An evolved soul said, " The most important way to show someone that you respect is, by giving them a little of your time."

Thanks for taking time out from your busy schedule to read my write up. 

You are truly special. Much appreciated. Keep inspiring. 

Love.

Juju.