“No! there is no need.”

 “No! there is no need.”

 

Of late, this word was in my friend’s vocabulary, for almost everything her children requested or demanded. This word “No” was a reflex as she would refuse anything and everything her children asked for or talked about. This went around for few days before her elder monk called up and said, “Aunty, there is something wrong. My mother doesn’t know the meaning of right/wrong and neither does she know how to raise teenagers. We have become used to hearing “No there is no need” for most of things. At times, she doesn’t even bother to know what we are conveying to her. This two-letter word feels like a slap. Please counsel her.”

I knew my friend was a strict parent who believed in a disciplined upbringing. As her children entered teenage years, she tightened the reins and put a restrain on almost everything. It seemed so that she had started finding calm in the word ‘No! there is no need.” This was like an escape mechanism. The alarm was loud and clear however, my friend was unaware.

Majority of our discussions are done during our walks. So, I invited her for an evening walk with the intention of apprising her of the situation. After walking round the park two times, we ordered tea and settled on the lush green grass. I causally asked about the words she remembers from her childhood which her parents used often. Immediately she replied, “My parents used to listen to us and always left the decision on us once we were in high school.” I further probed, “How many times have you heard the word No?” “Not often”, she replied. Thereafter, we sipped tea in silence and watched the sun set.

“We are in the middle phase of our lives, earlier we had parents who took care of us, Now we have to look after our children and as the clock ticks, it will be our children who will probably look after us. We should strengthen these bonds time and again. Our children learn through our unspoken actions much more than our spoken words. By repeated statement - No! there is no need, you are paving way for difficult time in coming years. Think about it,” I said. She seemed to shake herself and sighed. “Hey! you are right, if I assert myself as parent when my children are dependent on us, definitely they will do the same when we become dependent on them, God forbid if we do,” she spoke thoughtfully in a slow guarded way. We finished our tea, paid the bill and started walking towards the parking. As she reached for a car door, she turned around, smiled and hugged me for few seconds. In those few seconds, we experienced one of the best connectivity.

Over the next few months, there was a change in her equation with her children and peace prevailed. “ You shall reap what you sow.” Sow wisely and carefully   

Love,

Juju.

An ode to my “Couch”

 An ode to my “Couch”

 

In life, we have people on whom we depend daily, who act as our standby and many a times our cushions and shock absorbers. This write up is dedicated to couch which has stood the test of time since last sixteen years. There has been change of place, change of cover etc. Not once has it ever let me down.

Here is my six by one-and-a-half-foot couch which was tailor made with a comfortable forty-five-degree angle back rest. Sensing my discomfort in my last trimester, my soul mate ordered this couch. I have spent restless nights during my last trimester in a fairly comfortable way. This acted like an additional bed, many a times as emergency space in order to clean the bed. It has been a witness to the growing years of my monks. It took pride in laying out their board games, their arguments, their reconciliation, heard innumerable discussions and stories on various topics

When my monks entered primary school, it’s utility started declining and soon it seemed like a space occupying object. Someone suggested to post it on OLX a site where things (used/ new) are sold and bought. With a heavy heart, I clicked all possible profiles of my couch to be put up on social media. As my partner was about to upload, I heard a shallow weep. In my heart I knew my couch was weeping as it was being put up for sale. That moment, I decided to take it to my office at my work place. The very next day, I felt my couch had a different feel.

Soon, this couch was set up in my office. It adjusted very well with the other furniture. Change of place led to a makeover and my couch looked beautiful. Many a times, my monks would come straight from school to my office, rest on the couch and leave for home. My friends and colleagues who came found themselves on the couch. This served as a resting place to tired feet, straining backs and cluttered minds. My friends would call up and say, “Feeling very tired today, chai pilaygi? You do your work and I will rest on the couch.”

Soon, this was a hot spot for my tea sessions where everything under the sun was discussed. My couch beamed with life and was a part of all conversations. Only the privileged were offered couch, for others there were office chairs.

This couch has been a part of my second innings and holds a special place. Now, it has entered my third innings as an Author. At times, I feel just like the famous saying, “Walls have ears!”, I believe even our permanent furniture have ears and even develop an emotional quotient too over years

I feel so for my couch, how about you ?

Love,

Juju.

Sponge Vs Doormat

Sponge Vs Doormat 

“Enough! I have had enough! Everyone throws their garbage on me and treat me like a doormat. I am always at the receiving end. Why, it’s always me?” My childhood friend nearly screamed as she barged into my office walking in a fast stride, hands clenched in fists and hitting against one another. She swayed up and down the room with infinite wrinkles on her forehead and lips seldom getting a chance for approximation. I sat calmly in my office chair and observed her.  Words were coming out at a tsunami speed which made her speech incoherent.  I knew I had lost her somewhere in the beginning itself. I pointed my finger towards the chair and tilted my head, urging her  to sit down and focus on her breathing. 

Offering her a glass of water, I just closed my eyes and nodded. This seemed to have a soothing effect on her. Deep in her heart, she knew I had understood what she was trying to convey, she felt relieved. We sat in silence for some time. She seemed to calm down and rested her head against the head rest of the chair and said, “Let’s have tea and salted cracker biscuits.” Tea ordered, soon we were sipping tea. Silence prevailed except for few crunchy noise of biscuits. Seeing her relaxed forehead, I took the lead and said,” Since when did human beings started becoming doormats?” 

My friend’s lips curved into smile as she remarked, “You find this amusing! Isn’t it ?” “Obviously no,” came my prompt reply. I continued, “Do you remember my favorite quote -Word is our world? Let’s do some practical work. Think, you are sponge. You absorb all their negativity (their means your family), then you squeeze yourself to let go of everything and come back to your original form- all clean, fresh and soft. Important is timely squeeze to release all negativity and energy draining thoughts. You are blessed with immense power to absorb and remove your family’s anger, dissatisfaction and tantrums. You are helping in their cleansing too.” 

Suddenly, there was a loud laugh. She put her teacup down and got up. “Thanks buddy, for giving a whole new outlook. Tea with you is always magical.” She smiled and left. While sipping my tea, I pondered, word is indeed world. A simple replacement of word Sponge with doormat had an amazing effect and helped my friend sprint back. 

Let’s refresh our vocabulary with powerful positive affirmative words. 

Love, 

Juju.