What men want?

What men want?

(When they rebuke, ”Leave it, you can’t do it!”)

Disclaimer: Such kind of blogs are generally penned to help few anonymous souls, who are seeking help in empowering themselves and to gain a better understanding of their roles. Any resemblance to anyone’s life is purely co-incidental.

This phrase is very commonly used in our male dominated society. Males (not all) get a sadist satisfaction whenever they utter these words to the fairer sex. I leave it for the reader to read this phrase with appropriate pause and stress. The tone may be low, but their body language gives away the real feelings.

I often discuss with my Popsie the difference between ego and self respect. As per my understanding, in self respect, one tends to protect one’s own dignity and never puts down the other person. Whereas in ego, all effort is done to humiliate, put down the other person. the work is done on the other person - the basic difference. Reader’s discretion is fully respected. 

In long term relationships, which are created by human beings, Yes! I am talking about marriage- a bond between two souls with different backgrounds and thinking. This pious divine bond always stands the test of time right from the time of inception. Both the parties try their level best to adjust, accommodate, to get this vehicle in forward direction. Yet, at times, this vehicle starts giving errors, stops or just dismantles. 

In terms of giving in marriage, I believe a woman gives far beyond than a man can ever do. She leaves her childhood house, even her surname. All her relations take a back seat including her school/college friends. She makes every effort to adapt and fit in. The man should feel indebted to her forever. On the contrary, most of the times, things work out in a different realm. She is made to feel inadequate, not accepted, so much so that she starts doubting her own decisions (if she is not mentally strong)- the gaslighting phenomenon

My question is open to the house. Who decides, rather who gives men the power to make her feel like this? We talk of big terms like women empowerment, women liberation. This cannot be achieved till the time a woman learns to support her fellow woman. Our society can never move ahead. Women who call themselves "the torch bearers of change" in our society, who are involved in social work talk and behave differently in social gatherings and at home. The same women who lectures about gender equality, either taunts her own daughter in law’s inability to bear a male heir or forces her for multiple pregnancies or abortions. Men are a witness to all this nonsense and think it’s fine to disrespect his spouse.

A woman can be another woman’s best friend as well as foe. The roles she play, decides her loyalty. She’s great as a mother, sister, friend and wife. But can be at her evil’s best in roles of - lover, sister in law and mother in law. Till the time, this equation doesn’t change, no amount of women’s empowerment or up-liftment is going to ever happen. This can be summarized in two lines. The joy of seeing your son in-law helping your daughter, is crushed at the sight of seeing your son help his wife. I rest my case at this point.

Due to this hypocrite behavior of women, men see themselves as in-charge in respective scenarios.The motive behind saying the phrase, “Leave it! You can’t do it!” is to awaken the women from slumber. It’s time to rise above individual differences and elevate the pedestal to such a height, where no one can shake it. Always remember the main ingredients God used to create the mould of woman is love, compassion, nurturer, care giver and essence of God himself -the power to create new life which is above any other thing. Let's start contributing and stop competing. 

Don’t ponder over what men want or say or weave stories around their remarks. They are incomplete without women and every woman has a man within. Be so focused in improving your own self, that you don’t have time for any such petty things. Choose your fights wisely.

P.S. I can vouch almost none of you must have expected this write up to conclude on a positive note going by the title. Keep loving, keep reading, keep sharing.

Love,

Juju       

Que Sera Sera

 Que sera sera

“Whatever will be: will be “, these words hold an eternal meaning. Yet we tend to think more than what is necessary and disturb our mental peace.

Every human mind has two voices within – which control the extreme end of every sphere. Simultaneously, these voices send signals which can make us reactive/ impulsive or pro active. The bad voice (just to differentiate) urges  me to open the wrapper of chocolate and take a bite , whereas the good voice /other voice refrains and tries to rationalize the after effects of eating chocolate late night. Fingers are on keyboard, eyes glued to my laptop, and guess what, my right hand reaches for the side table. The chocolate is now in  my captivity. I quickly tear the chocolate wrapper and take a bite. The other voice seems to be muffled as if drowned and the bad (dominant in this moment) voice grins in the most devilish way. My good voice knows it’s pointless to argue with the bad voice and surrenders. In the next few minutes, the entire 40 grams of chocolate travels through my oro-pharynx, food pipe and rests in the stomach. This pleasure is temporary. Once the task is done, the bad voice hibernates, as if to escape the burden of this irresponsibile action. The good voice takes over, has no choice. Feeling of guilt, lack of will power etc, issues surface up.  I take a look at my cell phone to wish my daughter good night and like her status “ Que Sera Sera”. Humming this, I settle scores with my both voices and regain my mental peace.

After a long time, I adorn my thinking cap and sit in trance. Countless thoughts start traveling in my mind. Like a refree, I keep on discarding the useless ones and set aside the "food for thought" ones. Is talking with oneself, a sign of some sort of illness?  I don’t think so. 

Swami Viveknanda says,“ Do spend time with your own self, else you will miss the opportunity of meeting the best person in your life!” Our scriptures and the learned say,” All that we seek outside, is inside.“ I am unable to understand, where do we tend to go wrong? Everything is a master plan of almighty and whatever will be: will be, then why worry about future. Why can’t we just live in the moment? Sadhguru says, "Life is happening now." 

If your past is in your present, it’s not past. Future is a word of fiction, only to make human beings understand the importance of present moment. The moment gone by is past and moment yet to come is future. It’s in another dimension. The present, is the only time and space dimension we actually have in our hands.

Let’s pledge to meet ourselves on daily basis, spend at least an hour or less , so that we can exercise control over the two inner voices and become proactive.

After all, Que sera sera, so why worry!

Love,

Juju    

9 inch # Change of perpsective

9 inch # Change of perpsective

This anecdote will resonate with many of us. Two decades of marriage has it,s own shares of ups and downs with sweet and spicy memories. The scenario I am about to share is very common and occurs very frequently. In couples, especially when both are working, most of the times, one spouse keeps things be it food items or important papers. When the other spouse asks about it, the usual reply is, “It’s right in front of your eyes, how can you not find it!” The tone generally changes into impatience. This keeps on happening so frequently and one tends to think,” He/ she can never find anything, whereas it takes a second for me to find it.” A sense of pride starts to creep in insidiously. These little incidents, time and again can ignite the relationship. Whether it is doused as a small fire or it takes the shape of a major fire outbreak, depends upon the maturity levels of two souls.

During summers, I usually prepare a fruit platter and keep separate bowls for my spouse and children along with lemonade or buttermilk in the refrigerator. Recently, I was in the middle of my work, when my cell phone rang. It was my spouse on the other end. He asked in an impatient tone, “Where’s my lemonade and fruit platter? I am unable to find it in the refrigerator.” His impatience got transmitted and I replied rudely, “Open the fridge, it’s right in front of your eyes. Our children can always find their platters, how come you can never find it?” He replied promptly, “I can only see dry fruits and milk jug in front of my eyes.” I was astonished and taken aback, “Why are you looking at the top shelf? Please look in the third shelf from the top.” He casually replied, “You told me, it’s right in front of my eyes. Third shelf is below the level of my eyes.” He disconnected.

Immediately, I could visualize the entire scenario. My spouse is 9 inches taller than me so there has to be visual level difference. Our teenage children have reached my height. It became crystal clear. A wide smile spread across my face. I could feel the halo. Life is so simple. One needs to re-adjust one’s vision in different situations, time and again.

Whenever, life teaches a lesson, I call it a great day. That one moment of realization brought yet another beautiful rainbow in our relationship. I was able to douse the small fire successfully. Now I keep things at a level 9 inches higher, so that whenever my spouse calls up to find it, I can confidently say,” It’s right in front of your eyes.”

So, by how many inches do you need to change your vision level to bring spring in your lives!

Love, 

Juju.