Reader's Choice # Stop comparing!
Reader's Choice # Stop comparing!
(P.S.
The name of reader in Reader’s Choice blog write ups is never disclosed. Any
close resemblance to anyone is purely incidental. In this write up, I will dwell upon marital
relationship from girl’s viewpoint to honor Reader’s request).
Fingers
of our hand are unequal in length. The purpose of each finger is different. Do
we ever compare our little finger with our thumb or fore finger? Never! The
answer is so obvious. Then why do we compare ourselves with others in many
aspects. One tends to compare houses, vehicles, income, family, children, their
college etc and even relationships. Two different souls with entirely different
backgrounds tie the nuptial knot with a promise to live till last breath and
beyond. Initial euphoria gets settled and reality hits both of them. In
patriarchal society, the girl leaves her house, surname and gives her best shot
to whole heartedly accept the boy’s family. (Exceptions are always there.)The
boy is used to his own home’s style and sees a girl’s world through his mother
or sister’s eyes. This forms the crux. The girl he is marrying to has a different
set of eyes. There are bound to be differences. To top it, there is a basic
genetic difference in their physical and mental outlook. A little bit of
understanding, patience and acceptance can help in smooth sailing.
The
girl’s life undergoes a major change. Besides, adapting to house habits, food
habits there is another important thing – adapting to language, tone and pitch
of the members. The tone and pitch of one’s words can be interpreted in
different ways by the recipient. Louder tones sound rude and cause hurt. Few
differ and believe, “It’s the content what matters and not the tone”, easy to
say but difficult to practice.
Coming
back to comparing topic, turbulence sets in when the boy compares the girl with
his mother or sister or friend’s wife. This leads to souring and obviously the
relationship smells. Everyone is a unique creation of Almighty, how can anyone
doubt this. It can lead to feeling of inadequacy and incompleteness. How this
habit leads to gas lighting, one can really never know.
A request to all couples, please accept your spouse as he/she is, don’t try to change – you will not only waste your energy but damage the bond too. Books which I recommend to all couples are "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", "Hundred things, I wish I knew before I got married, "Momsie Popsie Diary- Tea time chit-chat on living life."
Each one is unique and is different. Unconditional love and acceptance is the key.
Secure your own key.
Love,
Juju
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