Yearnings !

Yearnings !

What hurt her most was not that she loved. 

It was how much of herself she slowly set aside in the name of that love. 

She accepted what was given — even when it was less than what she needed.

She adjusted her expectations. 

Softened her standards. 

Silenced small disappointments before they grew too loud. 

Not because she was weak.

But because she believed love meant patience.

She stayed when leaving might have protected her peace. 

She chose hope when reality asked for courage. 

She mistook endurance for devotion.

Each compromise felt small at first. 

A postponed conversation. 

A swallowed protest. 

A need deferred for “later.” 

She told herself that understanding mattered more than being understood.

She believed effort would eventually meet effort. 

That consistency would follow promises.

That love, if given generously enough, would return in equal measure.

But love cannot thrive on sacrifice alone.

There comes a quiet moment — often long after the damage — when a woman realizes she was not asking for too much. 

She was simply asking the wrong person.

And the deepest ache is not betrayal. 

It is the recognition that she abandoned herself while trying not to abandon someone else.

Still, there is grace in awakening.

Because the same heart that tolerated less will one day refuse it. 

The same woman who bent will learn to stand. 

And the same longing that once kept her small will guide her toward something steadier, healthier, kinder.

Yearning is not weakness. 

It is proof that she knows what love should feel like.

 _________________________________________________________________________

”Sometimes the lesson is not that we loved too much — but that we forgot to love ourselves within it.” — Juju’s Pearls

_________________________________________________________________________

Where Is My Safe Place?

Losing a father changes something fundamental inside us. Three months is not a long time in grief. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. Some days you function. Some days it crashes over you like a wave. Both are normal. When we resist grief, it tightens. When we allow it, it softens slowly. Love does not end with death. Grief becomes lighter when we realize we are not losing the bond — only the physical presence.

Three-month mark is often harder

The shock fades. Reality settles in. Others stop checking in. You are expected to “be normal.”  This is actually when grief can intensify.

You don’t need to solve grief. You just need to survive it kindly. Your inner child lost her father.

Poem inked from......soul of a daughter who lost her father… From the woman standing in uncertain water....From the soul asking quietly — where do I belong now?

Where Is My Safe Place?

Where is my safe place now that the door I ran to does not open anymore?

Where is the house where silence felt warm and my name sounded protected?

The walls still stand somewhere, but the heartbeat inside them is gone. And without him, even memory feels rented.

I walk forward — cook, speak, smile, function — but inside I am still sitting beside him, waiting for his voice to say, “Don’t worry. I am here.”

Where is my safe place when the world feels conditional, and love sometimes comes with raised voices and fragile ground?

Where do daughters go when fathers leave without teaching them how to live in a world that feels louder than their courage?

I search in rooms. In people. In routines. In prayers.

But safety is no longer a place. It is a memory.

And maybe — just maybe — it must now become me.

Maybe my safe place is not a house, not a person, not a promise.

Maybe it is the quiet strength he left in my bones.

Maybe it is the way I still stand even while breaking.

Maybe it is the whisper inside my trembling chest that says —

“You are not abandoned. You are becoming.”

So I gather my scattered pieces, sit with my loneliness, and build — slowly — a room within myself where his love still lives.

And there, in that unseen space, I begin to feel held again.

– Juju’s Pearls

Because even in loss, a daughter learns to become her own shelter.

Letters I Write in My Head

Letters I Write in My Head: A Mother to Her Son

10 Life Lessons I Want My College-Going Son to Carry Forward

The day my son stepped into college, I realised something quietly profound: parenting is not about holding on forever, but about letting go with values packed neatly in the heart. As mothers, we often teach through reminders, worries, and food—but beneath it all lies fierce love and silent prayers. These are the lessons I hope my son carries with him into adulthood.

Lesson 1: Who You Are Will Speak Before You Do

Long before anyone asks what you study or earn, they will notice how you treat people who can do nothing for you. Carry yourself gently. Character is not taught in classrooms; it is revealed in small, unguarded moments.

Lesson 2: Freedom Is a Skill You Must Learn

Living away from home will feel intoxicating at first. But freedom without discipline quickly becomes chaos. Learn to plan your days, respect your limits, and clean up your own messes—literal and emotional.

Lesson 3: Falling Is Allowed. Staying Down Is Not

You will make mistakes I cannot prevent. That is not failure; that is growing. Our home does not measure worth by uninterrupted success, but by the courage to begin again without bitterness.

Lesson 4: Your Lesson in Respect - Is Your Sibling.

Before the world teaches you how to treat mankind especially women, you learned it at home. Listen to your sibling even when you disagree. Let their opinions matter. Your masculinity does not diminish when you make space for their voice—it matures.

Lesson 5: One Day, Your Sibling Will Be Your Strongest Constant

Life will scatter friendships and change addresses, but your sibling will remember your shared childhood even when the world forgets you. Protect that bond. Time is kind to siblings who stay kind to each other.

Lesson 6: Choose Companionship Over Crowd Approval

Not everyone who sits beside you belongs beside you. Walk with people who encourage honesty, effort, and empathy. Loneliness with integrity is better than company that hollows you out.

Lesson 7: Strength Is the Ability to Speak When It’s Hard

You do not have to carry everything silently. Confusion, fear, and exhaustion do not make you weak—they make you human. Reach out. Strong men build bridges, not walls.

Lesson 8: Learn to Care for Yourself Before You Promise to Care for Others

Cook simple meals. Wash your clothes. Budget your money. Independence is not a gendered virtue; it is basic adulthood. The man who can manage his life brings peace into others’ lives.

Lesson 9: Achievement Means Little Without Anchors

Ambition will push you forward; relationships will hold you steady. Stay connected to your sister, your family, your roots. Success feels lighter when shared.

Lesson 10: You Will Always Have a Place to Return To

Go chase the life you imagine. Change, grow, stumble. But remember—there is a home that does not demand explanations, a father whose pride is not conditional, a sibling who knows your past, and a mother whose heart beats for you, prays for you.

“You chose me to be your mother, and I am proud of you every single moment.”

Love Maa!

10 Lessons I’d tell My Daughter

10 Lessons I’d tell My Daughter (From a Mother Who’s Lived a Little)

My dear daughter,
I may not have done everything right. But I have lived—and life has been my most demanding teacher.

If I could pause time and speak to you not as a mother who must know everything, but as a woman who has learned slowly, honestly, here is what I would tell you.

1. Never make yourself small to make others comfortable.

Love should never require you to shrink. The world has enough space—take up yours.

2. Your worth is not measured by how much you sacrifice.

Giving is beautiful. Disappearing is not. Choose balance, not burnout.

3. Speak up—even when your voice shakes.

Silence may keep the peace, but it steals your truth. Your voice deserves to be heard.

4. Choose health early, not as an afterthought.

Rest is not laziness. Sleep is not indulgence. Your body is the only home you will ever truly own.

5. Marriage is a partnership, not a rescue mission.

Love should walk beside you, not ahead of you. Never confuse control with care.

6. Don’t live your life to please society.

“Log Kya change” has ended more dreams than failure ever has.

7. Learn to ask for help without guilt.

Strength is not doing everything alone. Strength is knowing when to lean.

8. Be kind to yourself on the days you fall short.

Perfection is exhausting. Grace is powerful. Choose grace.

9. Protect your childhood—and your children’s.

This is the lesson I learned late. Some truths are too heavy for a child

This is the lesson that aches the most.

In my effort to be honest, I shared my battles with you—my disappointments, my hurts, my unresolved relationships—without realizing that a child is not meant to carry a parent’s emotional weight.

What I thought was openness quietly became a burden.

In speaking my pain aloud, I may have seeded unhappiness, colored a few relationships, and taken away a part of your carefree childhood.

Children need safety more than truth.
Light more than layers.
Joy more than justification.

Whenever, you become a mother, remember this:
heal before you share.

10. Remember: it is never too late to begin again

If I learned this late, you don’t have to. And if you forget—remember, there is always time.

I didn’t know all this when I was your age.
But if knowing it now can make your path lighter, braver, freer—
then every mistake I made has meaning.

Walk gently.
Walk boldly.
And above all—walk as yourself.

 “You chose me to be your mother, and I am proud of you every single moment.”

Love Maa 

SEVEN -7 Phere# 7 lives

Saat Phere & Saat Janam: 

Why Love Begins by Walking Together? 

In a Hindu wedding, love doesn’t announce itself loudly. It begins quietly—by walking in circles around fire. 

The Saat Phere are the seven sacred rounds taken around Agni, the holy fire. They are not decorative rituals meant only for photographs. They are practical promises for real life—made not to an audience, but to a witness that cannot be fooled.

Part 1 : Seven Promises, One for Every day of Marriage

Each round represents a vow meant for ordinary days not extraordinary moments.

1) To nourish each other and the home 

2) To offer strength when one feels weak

3) To build prosperity with honesty and shared effort

4) To grow in wisdom, respect, and understanding 

5) To care for family together

6) To pray for health and time

7) And finally, to remain friends!

That last vow often goes unnoticed, yet it is the one that carries a marriage through decades. Romance may begin a relationship, but friendship sustains it.

Traditionally, the groom leads the first four rounds and the bride the last three—a subtle reminder that leadership in marriage is not fixed. It changes, depending on who needs to lead and who needs to hold space. 

The ritual is also called Saptapadi, Mangal pheras , or Saat Vachan. Different names, same meaning.  After the seventh step, the marriage is considered complete. In reality, that is where the real work begins.

Part 2 : Fire reminds us that relationships need tending. Ignore them, and they fade. Care for them, and they give warmth.

What the Fire Really Asks?

1) The sacred fire does not ask if you will always be happy? 

It asks if you will always be honest.

2) It does not promise ease; it demands endurance.

3) It does not romanticize permanence; it tests commitment.

 In circling Agni seven times, the couple learns an ancient truth: marriage is not a straight road. It is a return—again and again —to shared values, shared effort, shared becoming. And perhaps that is why love in this tradition is circular. 

Part 3 : Saat Janam: Love without an Exit Clause

 Saat Janam—seven lifetimes. To say Saat Janam ka rishta is to declare that this bond is not a coincidence of convenience, but a recognition across incarnations. 

A familiarity that precedes memory. It means choosing the same person again, even when it would be easier not to. 

In my experience, there are seven major challenges in every marriage which must be overcome to uphold the integrity of institution of marriage. Just like seven year itch or the famous saying, " A marriage which lasts for seven years, will last a lifetime.". These seven lives are the seven times when both partners let down their ego and return to each other in a more determined, mature and understanding way. 

A Personal Promise

At our wedding, we made a simple pledge that has stayed with me far longer than the ceremony itself: I call it NR pledge ( Neelesh Reemanshu)

 “We promised to rise in love—not fall in love.” 

 Because falling is easy. Rising takes effort. Falling is instinctive. Rising is intentional.

Perhaps that is what the Saat Phere, Agni and Saat Janam truly teach us. Marriage is not about dramatic declarations or flawless harmony. It is about returning—again and again—to shared values, shared effort, and shared growth.

That is why love here moves in circles. Because what truly matters is worth revisiting.

Because what is sacred must be revisited. And what is eternal never moves in a hurry. 

Love, 

Juju

 

Reflections: Popsie's Way!

Dear Diary, 

It's been 41 days, since my father, my FPG attained moksha. Inspite of keeping myself super busy, his absence hits hard every day. 

As the year is about to change, I could not help reflecting on some wisdom pearls which I have learnt from my parents. They lived a secure, contented happy life. They had faith in each other and their children. 

Sharing few reflections- 

“It is NOT my kids’ job to take care of me when I'm old.”

Their job is to live their own lives, build their own families, chase their own dreams not clean up after me because I didn't plan ahead.

We have to stop romanticizing the idea that our kids owe us their lives because we raised them. 

If you choose to bring children into this world, that means you take full responsibility for raising them, supporting them, and preparing THEM for life not the other way around.

Don't try to control them. Have faith in your upbringing and values you have instilled. Children love you. Control weakens the bond. 

That's the bare minimum of being a parent.

I want my kids to visit me because they love me, not because they feel trapped under a burden I dropped on their shoulders.

Being a parent doesn't come with a retirement plan and it sure as hell doesn't come with the right to steal your child's future. 

So plan, save and take care of your own business. 

Love, 

Yours Chaand 

(as my father used to call me at times)

"POPSIE WAY OF LIFE"

 An ode to my Father !

" POPSIE WAY OF LIFE"

Bidding farewell to our Father - who lived a King sized life and left on his terms. Salute to a pure soul who was all mind (and not body)

His wisdom pearls: When the body begins to start winding up and there’s no hope of return, no further treatment should be done. There should be - NO IV, Feeding Tubes, or hospital visits without purpose. 

His wish: His final moments to be Peaceful: Guided by wisdom, not by a desperate chase for cure to extend the Life. To leave straight from his bed in his house to almighty directly. He had direct connection with God and considered God to be his friend. His favourite quote - " Main aur mera bhagwan: hum do !" 

If death is a consequence of any disease process, then if you treat the disease death can be avoided or postponed. But the biology of the body runs much much deeper than that. Body is not just a machine designed to run for ever. It’s a limited system, powered by "Finite Life-force". This energy doesn’t come from any external source — it flows subtle through the body, the same one we all experience but cannot see, made up of the Mind, Memory, Intellect & Consciousness.

This subtle body is the channel through which life-force enters, spreads through the body and powers everything from heartbeat, digestion, and movement to the ability to think. 

But this life-force is not Infinite. Each body contains a specific, fixed quantity, like a machine with a sealed battery : you can’t add or reduce the power. In my Popsie's word - there is a quota for everything and one should see life in totality. “The toy works only as long as the key winds it,” as the saying goes. When this energy is finally exhausted, the subtle body separates from the physical one. 

That is the moment when the body becomes still and we say, "the breath has left the body." This is body’s own Internal Timing - a process that begins in the womb and completes when the energy is fully spent. Every cell, every organ, quietly finishes its individual lifespan — and when the total quota is exhausted, the body comes to rest.

Death doesn’t follow the clock on the wall -it follows Biological Time of the body. And that is Different for Everyone. Some lives complete at 35, others at 90 years. But both are complete in their own measure. No one dies, no one leaves incomplete, unless we see it as a defeat.

When modern medicine insists on extending life, it often exhausts not just the body, but also the entire family. When Popsie's body whispered: “Enough now.” We respected his wish-" Let my Body go. Don’t try to Stop it" 

This was not simple. Balancing logic and emotion is perhaps the hardest task of all. But if we start to see death as a natural, peaceful and biologically-timed process, maybe we’ll fear it a little less. Maybe it's time to stop fighting death'. And instead, prepare to live well before it arrives.

And when it comes, let it arrive with peace and dignity.

In the Words of the Buddha: Death is a Promotion.

Love you from this world to your world: Till we meet again, up there !

Yours, 

Juju\ Raju\ Chaand

Silent love of a Mother!

Recently, I met two people of different age groups. One is my doctor friend whom I met yesterday at a party. She casually mentioned, “So, how’s your empty nest ? You must be having ample of time now.” I responded, “I consider it as launch pad rather than empty nest.” She smiled back and nodded, “Beautiful thought. I never thought it like this.” Second one is an adult in a relationship since 2 years. He mentioned, “ My girl friend has taught me how to live, behave, moral values etc.” I was taken aback and asked,” What about your mother?” I know his mother as a sincere dedicated mother. He replied, “Yes, she has raised me up, but my girlfriend has taught me things which my mother couldn’t!”  For once I fell short of words and chose to be quite.

I am at an age where all in my household are above 18 years. House which chirped with voices of my children has gone quiet. My fridge is nearly empty except for basics – milk, curd, bread and eggs, few basic vegetables and apples. Big cherries, Avocado, Dragon fruit, grapes, tender coconut are nowhere to be seen. Mixer doesn’t whirr, dosa tawa stands at one corner of my kitchen, idli stand peeps from the cabinet, coffee jar is empty. The only biscuits our pantry has are digestive and multigrain. In nutshell, there is silence, maybe emptiness.

No one prepares you for the silence children leave behind when they grow up. The silence that seeps into your heart, when they no longer ask what to do or when they stop seeking your advice. It’s not about the silence of an empty home, rather silence when they begin living, without you. Of course, I smile — because this is what I always wanted: to see them take their flight. But I feel shaken, deep inside. 

Being the mother of grown children hits different. Holding back words when you see them making mistakes or swallowing the urge to call when they don’t answer. This phase prepares you to learn to love without interfering. A mother learns to watch from a distance, with still hand and a trembling heart.

Sometimes they share things with you, but often they don’t. And you pretend it doesn’t hurt. But it does. It hurts not to be part of everything, as before. It hurts to realize they no longer need you — at least, not in the same way. And yet, you’re still there. Cooking their favorite meals when they visit. Spreading out childhood photos. Sending greetings and messages every day without fail, hoping for a reply. Mother’s heart whispers prayers for her children every night, as if those words alone could shield them from the world.

“I will call you Maa in fifteen minutes,” these words brings joy and hope to a mother’s heart and she waits, waits and waits.   Because deep down, a mother can never stop caring. She simply learns to do it from the shadows, from a corner, from a prayer. This is a love no one sees… yet it holds everything together. This is the circle of life.

Moral: Being the mother of an adult child means accepting that you are no longer the center of their life — but continuing to love as if you still were. Because some love never fades… it simply learns to wait in silence.

Mumbai Spirit !

 Mumbai Spirit !

This incident is straight out of a movie. I signaled the kaali peeli (black- yellow ) taxi to stop. As I said Parel , another voice said Dadar station. The taxi driver smiled and said,“ Both of you decide. I was getting late for my duty in Tata Memorial hospital and the other women had to rush to her office. I said, “Be my guest, lets go in one taxi.”

The cool wind from Arabian sea had a soothing effect. I reflected upon this magical city Mumbai a land of dreams, a land of opportunities. A lot had changed over the last few years in terms of flyovers, development. But what had remain unchanged was the spirit of Mumbai. Cool breeze, monsoon magic mixed with hope and calling.

One can still buy a vada pav at Rs 15 or a full meal at Rs 50 (daal +2 vegetables+ 4 chapatis), cutting chai at rs 5/10 (small /big), beside endless places of fine dining. Evening walks on Marine drive, riding the Cinderella carriage with the mystic soothing breeze and rain drops sensitizing your soul. For once you feel alive again as your breathing syncs with the city vibe.

Skyscrapers to chaawls, this financial capital has place for every person. Cafe Irani chaii boasting of rich heritage, their signature bun maska/ Irani chaii  Cafe Mysore maintaining the age old tradition of south Indian cuisine, a dish dedicated to Anant Ambani - Anant’s Yum Dosa (Ms Shanteri Nayak’s recipe). Not to forget NMACC, Filmcity, etc. This city has glamour as well as slums, beaches, street food for every mood. 

Words can never do justice to this city. One needs to experience the magic.

My family/friends says “ One can get Reemanshu out of Mumbai but cannot get Mumbai out of her!”

Love, Juju

 

Wait to Snickers Break!

My elder monk smiled and entered her arena for a nine hour long fight-a test of mental, physical, emotional strength,  stamina and presence of mind. I looked out for a place to spend my time. I found the adjoining office empty with cushioned sofa and table chairs. I reclined on sofa and slipped into a slumber. All offices have partially see through glass walls and doors. 

After some time, I was woken up my muffled voices. On seeing me, a young man of maybe 25 years, apologised for the noises and in the most polite way spoke , " Mam, this office has been acquired by a company I work for and we will be doing some connections and fittings. " 

I got up and moved out to find another resting place. Luckily, i found another empty office with elegant furniture. I settled down, had juice and started meditating. 

After sometime, the same man came and said, " Mam, you can sit in our office, we have switched on the air conditioning and it's well lit. We are starting from tomorrow, everything is being checked today. Please be comfortable " 

I was surprised by his politeness and thoughtfulness. Wi-fi person and electrical fitting persons were working. Finally, the office maintanence work was near completion. I offered them chocolates and said,  " Snickers Break to banta hai!" While going on a lunch break, he shared the Wi-fi password. 

My faith in humanity was restored once again. I spent my time in one of the most posh office space in Silicon Valley of India. I realized the best way is communication at soul level with a smile

My wait transformed into one of  the best day of my life with timely Snickers break! 

Love Juju . 

Social battery!

 Social battery!

“Maa! my social battery is low, I will call you tomorrow. Good night!” my younger monk said, while disconnecting the line. I knew he was tired, as the last two weeks had been very challenging. College  Literary Club was organizing a Declamation contest as a part of Environment Day Celebrations. The entire medical college was taking part, time was less and a lot had to be done.

On the D-day, I was waiting to hear the details about the event, waiting for his pictures and so on. Finally, when my patience was about to say goodnight, I dialed his number. Immediately, he answered. There was excitement in his voice, a sense of satisfaction, he shared few pics and then said, Maa! I am low on my social battery!” I was bemused, social battery? A new term for me.

I could hear him smile as he continued, “I was in touch with so many people, talking on phone, texting messages, coordinating etc. I am tired and want to sleep now. Good night!” I resonated with this term- Social battery, wished him well. My sunny boy now, President of College Literary Club has finally become a young adult.

I found this term endearing. Some people feel they are introvert, some are extrovert. Now, I see from a new angle. Every soul comes with a built in chip of x GB and one's ability to socialize is directly dependent on this. The beauty is one can always increase the capacity.

From now on, whenever, I have to be in a social gathering, I plan beforehand and keep my social battery fully charged. Happy charging ! Keep loving, keep caring ! Keep reading, Keep sharing.

Love Juju.

Coming soon -

Momsie Popsie Diary 4.0 Finding Juju

“Unapologetically Her: Memoirs of Chaos, Chai and Choosing Herself”