Letter from Sister#Emotions unplugged

This is a poem close to my heart as it is penned down by my eldest sister for my birthday. This is her poem which I want to share. This reminds me of my mother who had a habit of penning down her thoughts on our birthdays. 

Please read on .........

On the  birthday of my little sis, who will be always little and cutest person on earth for me. So, here's for Juju:

Tender age of four was mine,

When white as snow with glow and shine,

Chubby cheeks sailed into our hearth,

The cutest prettiest bundle of joy, ever on earth.

Tender age of two was Molly,

Awestruck amazed at this roly poly.

Juju Juju was what she muttered,

So, that is what she will be called, everyone uttered.

While growing up, she kept everyone on their toes,

She was a delight for both friends and foes.

Her elephant like memory and easy grasp,

This beauty with brains made everyone gasp.

I know her for her caring, loving and gentle ways,

My li'l sis, our Mom's Raju, is always positive, with no nays.

I wish her the best of life's hue,

May all her heart's desires come true.

Wishing you a rocking birthday behna.🎁✨🎉🎂

Love you loads, Daisy.❤️

Love, 

Juju

Only one take # No Re-take

Only one take # No Re-take

Sounds familiar! In this movie of life, there is only one take and that is full and final. There are no re-takes to amend or modify our actions and deed. Seems amazingly complex!

Life is akin to chess where one should take a thoughtful step ahead as every step counts, it can either save you or put you in trouble. The bishops, rooks, knights and pawns represent our thought processes both good and evil. Pawns are like virtues which move simply ahead in honor of their king and queen. Bishops, rooks and knights are bestowed with superior qualities and act like vices. The opponent in this game of life is “Life itself.” The goal is to move ahead thoughtfully, cautiously without endangering ourselves.   The famous Gabbar Singh,s dialogue from Hindi super hit movie Sholay,“ Jo darr gaya, who marr gaya”, reinforces the fact that life is always a mental game. Opportunities are many but there is only one take

For every problem there is a solution and every solution gives birth to another problem. Ever since Eve ate the sinned apple, human beings are caught up this vicious cycle. To break this cycle, one needs immense faith and trust in the supreme power. All of us have sensed its magical presence in our lives. Whenever one door closes, another opens up! But we fix our gaze towards the closed door that we lose sight of the open door. Life is ticking by every moment and we are one step closer to our destination (Hope everyone got it!).

Let,s make a pact with ourselves, that we will take each step wisely and cautiously with virtues weighing over our vices so that when we look back we can say with pride, “ Oh wow! What a lovely movie#made with only one take.” Your movie is an inspiration to many. Be inspiring, be loving, be wise. 

 

Love,

Juju

Grief is mine # Let the whole world shine

Grief is mine # Let the whole world shine

Disclaimer: In this write up, grief means loss of parents or someone real close.

Life is what happens to us, at this very moment. The moment is “NOW.” It,s happening every living moment. Are we in a state of awareness? If not, then it,s time to awake, arise and shine . Embrace life# Life is waiting for you! What are you waiting for??There is one moment of realization which hits everybody and causes them to wake up from their slumber. The point to ponder is – do you want to wait for that jolt or are you willing to do it by yourself! Choice is always yours. One of my favorite tagline is “To live life in a fully conscious state is like being in an intoxicant state, which is supreme, divine.”

I read a story in Hindi subject, class 9, NCERT. The title is “Dukh ka adhikaar - Right to grief.” After reading this, my mind was flooded with many questions as to how the financial barrier in our society has laid down rights in times of grief too! The deeper, I go, the picture becomes clearer. It dawned upon me that the poor socio-economic strata people are more aligned with themselves, live in the moment and acceptance comes quickly. As they have a “tomorrow” which beckons them to work again, as they need to feed themselves and family. The moment of grief is momentary and passes off by ( or so it seems).

Whereas, the so called privileged class gets frozen in time of grief so much so that time clock knocks them out. They become disoriented, losing the war to grief easily and spend days in delaying the acceptance of grief. Underneath there is clarity that the vacuum is there which will never be filled. Much time goes in trying to find a "New normal." This comes from my own personal experience too.

People are more connected and authentic in lower socio-economic strata, whereas, in so called upper class, there is smell of artificiality ( T& c apply !).  Somehow, so called well wishers will try their best that one tends to remain in negativity well and push you back when you try to come out. 

Are the poor (so called) already on path of supreme nirvana as they live in the moment?  Are we any closer to that path?

I will conclude with this noble thought which I remind myself , ”Grief is mine # let the whole world shine.”  

Love,

Juju

And then………….Life happened!

And then………….Life happened!

Many years ago, a pious soul took a mortal coil and thus began the journey from start to end. Many simple questions created havoc in the young mind. Few questions were dealt with, few were postponed and for few he was chided. Overpowered by parent,s ideologies, this child somehow never realized when he lost his originality and succumbed under so called society pressures. The usual rat race began with (un)healthy competition among peer groups. In a race (to whom does it really matter) to be the best parents, the child was enrolled in multiple classes besides the regular school classes. Somewhere the childhood was completely lost in running from one class to another. To add to it, the stress on relishing food and importance of chewing food was forgotten. All he heard was,” Come on hurry up! you will get late for the next class.”

Holidays were booked for extra stuff which needed to be done in order to stay ahead from peer group (really!). The moments of happiness were entirely dependent on marks scored and sadness when he fared badly. How to tackle success and failure was never taught? How many parents really teach their children to cherish the result (only) and not marks or score (Please answer to your own conscience). Unknowingly, a severe harm had been done before anyone could realize.

Teenage years led to irritable behavior, social distancing, lack of empathy and insomnia. The child became a loner. His classmates started calling him “Nerd.”The sound of crushing of small flower went unnoticed in the sound of this materialistic world. Labeling it as teenage problem, once again this was overlooked and same pattern was repeated. He came out with flying colors in his entrance exams and parents thought they had done their best and were the best parents. Graduation led to post graduation, which paved way to a good (so called) job with a reputed Multi National Company ,with good salary package ( Oh wow!) . Now, it was time to relax (for parents) and find a good match so that he could finally settle down! (really! Can we ever settle down while running). All this while the child had lost the ability to develop a thinking of his own and was always confused in decision making. Once again, the ego of parent,s took an upper hand and the marriage was solemnized after finding a suitable match.  

After few years, on a routine parent teacher meeting (of his child), the teacher casually asked about what he wanted to become and what were his hobbies? (talking about the father). He was  dumbstruck. Not a single word came from his mouth. He went into deep thinking and withdrew himself into his shell. And then………………

Life happened!

He introspected and realized that all these years he had merely existed following the norms laid by his family and society. Gradually, it dawned upon him that he was good in acting and mimicry and used to entertain his school friends and relatives. Somewhere, this talent was crushed (noiselessly). He felt a burden had been relieved from his chest. After taking his employer and family into confidence, he enrolled in a famous acting school and joined theater. He felt immense joy and managed to balance both -work and theater. He became a happy man, started looking younger and fitter.

Nobody knows what futures holds? But, everyone knows this much that if present is lived well, you will have a pleasant past and no worries for future.

Winding up with a remark, “Has life happened to you as yet!”

Love,

Juju.

Two Mothers Vs One mother # Part 2

Two Mothers Vs One mother #  Part 2

 

Disclaimer: This is seldom discussed but thought deeply. Some may find it sensitive, to some it may seem biased/ one sided, for some it may be too lateral. These are my personal views. Not intended to degrade anybody. Read at your own emotional risk. Reader,s discretion is welcomed.

 

Ever since my childhood till high school, it never came to my mind that I was a girl and there were certain limitations/restrictions. I owe it entirely to the upbringing of my parents and my school. Whatever my elder brother was allowed, even I was allowed for example swimming, cycling, horse riding etc. In my eighth class, I had organized a trip with my class friends to “Appu Ghar” –Adventure theme park of our times. Momsie always addressed me by numerous pet names like- Raju, Chand, to name a few. Only when I entered medical school, during ragging time, I was hit by the reality of caste, religion and gender. Up till then, I was just a Cambridge School student in pursuit of knowledge. Leaving New Delhi, my hometown at age of seventeen, I was used to leading an independent, self sufficient life. Once I entered the second phase# quarter of my life, I got married to an awesome person with an amazing family. This was the second time, life hit me directly on my face (post high school days).

Overnight, my independent (thinking) status as a single account holder became a joint account status. Suddenly my shoulder,s started carrying the weight of two families and in order to strike a balance, I started losing onto my core being.  I often asked my parents, the importance of education and being independent, self confident, when one fine day it had to take a back seat and all that what would matter would be your spouse and in-laws. My parents would smile and comment, “One day you will realize the importance of your education, as it helps the person in leading a healthy, balanced life.”

Surfing the way of life, it dawned upon me that all the golden words by my Momsie-Popsie were the benchmarks. That knowledge helped me in staying afloat in this vast ocean of emotions and challenges. I realized the importance of hard work of my initial years # first quarter. Compiled the golden words with my personal silver words (Ha !Ha!) into a rule book which I advocate:

1)A daughter in law can be a very good daughter in law # never a daughter. Similarly, a mother in law can be a very good mother in law # never a mother. So it goes for father-in law and other relations. Let,s maintain the individual identity and dignity of each relation and not amalgamate. Everyone has only one mother and one father, in laws are Dharam maa and Dharam pita . Its beautiful this way. Don,t change the equation.

2)One should not expect too much from his/her spouse. Everyone has their own background and ways of expression. Don,t expect the other person to respond the way you respond. It will never happen.

3)Every soul is never hundred percent powerful. There is an Achille,s point in everyone. Identify,  as early as possible and avoid hitting that point. Else you are inviting wrath of the Gods.

4)Give each other enough space as breathing space is mandatory for healthy, prosperous growth. Don,t try to  be a parent to your spouse (they already have), be a friend, a lover instead.

5)Everyone has their own style and speed of handling things. Avoid imposing yours and making them feel incompetent/inferior.

6) Don’t strive for perfect relationships. Many a times, we drown under this tremendous pressure   It,s absolutely fine to have imperfect ones. The idea is to be “imperfectly perfect.” Howzzat!

7) Don’t, try to change your spouse. Accept them as they are. The sooner one learns this mantra, better it is for the relationship. Instead, work on your own self. Let,s be a better version than the previous day.

8)Don,t fall prey to this gender equality issues. God have created men and women from different moulds. To be compared, one needs similar parameters. In his case, they are entirely different. So, how can both be equated?? Rather, they are complimentary to each other- poorak hain , ek dusre ke”.

9)Restrain from posing your life as a fairy tale aka Yash Chopra types. Every relationship has its own flaws. Learn the art working on it rather than hiding it under the carpet. Let the glow be from within.

10) Refrain from aiming to be “Power Couples.” It,s absolutely normal to be a normal couple.

This Rule Book of twenty (ten from Part 1) has helped me immensely in my journey in this mortal coil. Each soul is on its own journey in this cosmic world. No two are alike. Let,s first accept ourselves as we are! Once, this is achieved, miracles happen.

I endorse that a child should be brought up like a child and not as daughters or sons! Once, this shift occurs in our mindset, most of the situations will be won. All it takes is just one thought for revolution to happen.

“ Aapo Deevo bhavo” Be your own guiding light!

Love,

Juju.

 

Two Mothers Vs One mother- Mother,s Day# Part 1

Two Mothers Vs One mother- Mother,s Day# Part 1

Caution: Sensitive write up. These are my personal views. Not intended to degrade anybody. Read at your own mental risk.

I came across numerous posts and shares on mother,s day. Picture and messages varied as per the age, financial & marital status. One posts which caught my attention was from a male gender who had posted picture with a caption,” Came to know today that women have two mothers and men have only one!”How true is this?? Really! Is this the kind of mentality we are dealing in 21^st century in a developing India! I am quite sure many of the male species might be harboring the same thoughts but somehow few are vocal about it.

Marriage is an institution, in which not only two souls get married but their entire family clan gets married in the bargain with an idea to have an extended family. The bride takes the responsibility of accepting her in-laws family as her own. Does the groom also has similar  feelings? I remember a famous statement which I read nearly two decades ago, in marriage, for a man, it is the end (in terms of settlement) whereas for a woman it’s the beginning. The very crux is paradoxical. The bride in her endeavor to be accepted as part of her new family makes all the efforts and goes beyond her strength to be accepted. In doing so, she many, rather most of the times forgets her family, her relatives and her friend. All that matters is her husband relations and his happiness. The same lady who is eager to get her son married changes colors as she realizes that her son is paying attention to his wife. The same lady who is a mother becomes a chameleon once the word “in law” is suffixed to mother. Now she sees the new entrant in the family as a threat to her position and her son. Thus, starts the whole melodrama like a soap opera serial.

In such times, both sides should exhibits maturity and understanding. As a new bride, she needs to understand her mother in-law psychology. Up till now, the mother used to hold a central place in her sons life. Now with his wife in his life, central axis has deviated. The mother in law being the elder one needs to understand the compassion the newlywed go through and should try to give them space and behave in a more compassionate way . Why does the daughter in-law seem to intimidate her?
“A marriage which lasts for seven years, will last for a lifetime”. This is a famous seven year itch in marriage. The groom/man needs to handle this new balance of two women in his life very meticulously so as to keep his life rocking. Else, it becomes a living hell. Everyone adopts some way or other to maintain this married balance. In this whole process, does the man realize even, there is another woman too – his own mother in-law whose acceptance towards her daughters husband is complete and unconditional. It,s never three women. By and large we must have witnessed similar scenarios. There are few golden rules which I have learnt from my Momsie and Popsie. They are as follows –

1)    Never try to change yourself in order to please others. Sooner or later, you will come back to your original nature, which we leave the entire in laws family wondering.

2)    Walk the talk. Whatever you want to convey, be assertive and stand by your words.

3)    Never criticize your in-laws in front of your spouse even if he does so, it backfires really bad.

4)    In case an unpleasant situation arises between your spouse and in laws, avoid being a mediator. In the end they will unite and the woman may feel lonely.

5)    Accept their way of living and once you have a say in the family, then try to make changes.

6)    Remind yourself daily that no one really cares about your family side, all they are interested is in their own happenings. Nothing to feel bad about, its normal human tendency.

7)    Maintain integrity, honesty, respect and faith.

8)    Remember, they are used to living in their lifestyle since many years, The woman should not expect them to change, rather adjust as much as possible with in her comfort limits.   No need to stretch too long as chances of breaking increases.

9)    Never go to bed with a grudge. Always go to sleep with a heart in gratitude mode.

10) Please do not think that since you are married, things will automatically work. One needs to work to make things happen. It takes years of patience, love, trust and acceptance.

 

It,s getting a bit longer, I will conclude here and continue in my next write up.

Marriage is like and institution. Please remember your vows and act sensibly. Then you will see the flowers blooming everywhere . For once, avoid touching MEN- Mouth, eyes, nose. Be like a WOMAN- regular Hand Wash , Observe social distancing, wear Masks, Avoid crowded places, No outside food.

On a lighter noted, Corona seems to have a XX preference.

 

To be contd... Part 2 coming soon,

Love,

Juju

Road map# Map of life

Road map# Map of life

A routine call to my Popsie always results in new meaning of life and leaves me enriched and energized. A routine well being call was channelized towards challenges of life. The relevance of one,s past experiences and their validity in present situation.

The way our grandparents, parents were raised, the way my generation was raised and the way generation next are being raised seem like a whole new world. The methodology, the environment, the access to technology has evolved at a mind blowing speed. So, as parents how correct is it to repeat our own experiences again and again and expect our children to follow the path which we chose. Are we happy and contented with our lives? If yes, then children will automatically grow as strong individuals

It,s high time all of us understand that our children are individuals. Please do not try to force  them into some preset molds. Let them evolve at their own pace and time, let them spread their wings, explore different spheres and settle at their own will. As a parent, beyond a certain age, one needs to be a friend more than a parent. Nobody like a bossy person around! Do we ?? Children are no different.

Looking at life from a distance gives a whole new meaning. Life is like a road map where origin and final destination are fixed. As a child, it seems like a simple two-four-eight lane road, just moving ahead, learning new things, acquiring new skills and learning to become self sufficient and self reliant. Once you zoom past the teenage years, one finds at cross road junction, so many roads ahead. Please bear in mind, there is no U-turn at this point. In fact, in road map of life there is no U-turn. Once you steer your wheel on a particular road, you find more avenues and lanes. It seems like a perfect network and resembles network of our nervous system. Fine, intricate nerves represents small kuccha roads, whereas the larger nerves represent four/eight -lane road. There are left turn, right turn, round-about. We keep on moving ahead on these roads for few decades. Towards the fag end of life, road seems to be merging with the sky. The traffic lights, road sensors, highway lights keep us motivated and speed -brakers are pausing moments where one can reflect on our journey.

Just imagine the veins on a leaf or pattern of roots of a tree. Everything follows an orderly pattern. When the sun sets, it helps the moon to shine. And at dawn time, moon recedes and lets the sun take over the charge. In nature, everything is well synchronized as they follow nature,s law. Mankind has harbored few vile like greed, ego and anger which are like invisible hand cuffs. The more conscious one becomes of nature around, one can learn effortlessly. “Mother nature” is the apt term as like a mother it nurtures us and takes care of us. We should be a gratitude mode and use resources intelligently.

It is of utmost importance to choose your calls wisely too. Instead of discussing topics like ,when will corona virus go? When the vaccine will be available? or keeping a track record of positive and negative covid case etc. Lets fill ourselves with positive energy so that whatever over flows with be positive.

Remember ! two negatives, make a positive. As we sync our mobiles with other gadgets , lets pledge to sync ourselves with mother nature and soon a better, healthier, cleaner, happier world will re- emerge.  It,s going to be dawn of  mankind like never before

Love and care,

Juju