Reader’s Choice Series # Children settled abroad- Part 1

Reader’s Choice Series # Children settled abroad- Part 1

Disclaimer:  Sensitive topic with aim of creating awareness. Any resemblance to any person or situation is purely incidental. Reader’s discretion is respected.

Preface

I had gone to meet my colleague to discuss a medical case. The conversation that followed was about children leaving their parents and homeland for greener pastures, settling abroad. Their parents are left behind waiting for them to return.

“I will make this place so comfortable for my child that he will never ever think of leaving this place. After all I have build up this huge empire for him. I will give him so many comforts, so that the thought of leaving his homeland never occurs to him,” said a fellow colleague with a smile. “Your children are finishing school. What have you decided for them?” He picked up his tea cup and started sipping tea and urged me to take my cup too.  

I sipped my tea in silence. I could see him getting impatient and he remarked, “So, what is your plan to hold back your children from going abroad?” I nodded my head, placed my cup on the table and said, “My children will decide. My role as a parent is to support them and guide them. They should be the script writer of their own life. It’s important for them to make their own choices.”

My reply did not go down well with him. Unknowingly, I had challenged his ego as a parent. He immediately replied, “Your way is not practical, after all we are parents and it’s our duty to guide them. You are about to create a big mistake.”I smiled and replied, “Exactly, as parents it’s our duty to guide them and not control them. One should know the difference between the two. Look, my monks have their independent mind and we as parents respect their decisions.” He was taken aback and said, “Don’t you love them? How can you do this?” I replied, “Obviously, I love them so I respect them.” Now I knew I had to withdraw as this was taking shape of an argument than discussion. “Tomorrow, if they say, they want to settle abroad, will you allow them?” he pestered. I folded my hands and got from my chair to leave. He said, “Please don’t leave. Let’s close it.”

I remembered story of King Suddhodana, leader of Shakya clan, father of Prince Siddhartha who later became Gautam Buddha. At his birth, it was predicted that the prince would either become a great world monarch or a Buddha – a supremely enlightened teacher. The Brahmins told the King that Siddhartha would become a ruler if he was kept away from outside world. The rest everyone knows. Times have changed, great Kings and dynasties have come and gone, humans have evolved. Yet, I could see the soul of King Suddhodana in my reverend colleague. The greatest red flag here was the unseen undue pressure of a parent/ father being imposed on the child. In addition, the infra structure he was building and the money he was spending was again being thrown on the young child’s shoulder. As if the child had asked for such a huge white elephant (Here, referring to his workplace and finances.) Another red signal was controlling nature of the parent. Why do we feel the urge to control?  

I simply asked him, “Where are your parents?” He replied, “Oh! They are in the village. We have huge land there and my parents love their land and farming. In spite, of my repeated requests, they do not wish to shift to city. They are in love with their rural life. If they are happy, so am I,” he grinned as if he was the smartest and the most obedient child on this planet.

“So, you left your motherland and shifted base to city for a better life. Didn’t your parents object to this?” I casually remarked. “Why will they? I know what I am doing. Besides, being a super specialist, my growth is here in the city. My life will be ruined if I stay with my parents.I want to live life on my own terms.”  As he looked into my eyes, he could read the questions which were churning in my mind. And his attitude softened.

To be continued………( Part 2) 

Love,

Juju