Wake
up call! Lessons from Gen next
Disclaimer:
This write up is an attempt to sensitize,
not judge any generation. It’s moral duty of parents to pass on the family
values. Same for children, the onus is on them to carry forward the legacy. Names
have been changed to maintain confidentiality. There is no intention to hurt
anyone’s sentiments. Any resemblance to any person is purely coincidental.
For any new generation, there is direct impact from
previous two generations, namely parents and grandparents. The values they
imbibe, is directly proportional to behavior of their parents and grandparents.
Here is an excerpt from a conversation, during my sessions-
“Mom, I don’t want to lead a sandwiched life like father,
neither do I want my life partner to suffer like you,” said Sam, a 22 year old
boy to his mother. His mother, Sharmila was shocked and shaken to hear these
words. All this while, she thought she had given an amazing environment for her
children to grow and tried her best to balance her differences with her spouse
and her in-laws. Sam continued, “All through my childhood, I have seen father
getting stuck between grandmother and his wife. His decisions have been
influenced by grandfather. He has not been able to live a life he always wanted
to live, a life by one’s own choice on one’s own terms. You have made lot of
adjustments too. I have been a witness to your sufferings, at time silent, at
times explosives. And my heart bleeds on recounting such incidences. I want to
see my parents happy and satisfied.”
Sharmila just kept quiet and patiently waited him to
pour out his feelings. Sam had just received his acceptance letter from a
University. This was his dream to study in a University and country of his
choice. He had harbored this dream since childhood. Sharmila had been the
backbone of her family and had dedicated her life to her family. She had left
her high profile job to look after her children as she was unable to develop a
support system. She had this regret which resurfaced from time to time. Even
though she thought she had handled well, Sam her son thought much otherwise.
Sam continued, “Maa, I love you very much and wish
to see you happy and lead a fulfilled life. Start living for yourself. Just see
how grandmother has dictated you all through these years and always dominated you.
Even aunts and helpers don’t give you much respect. The reason is you are
considered as an outsider by grandmother and will always remain. The situation will
not change. Please change yourself so that you live in harmony. I am concerned
as I will leave soon. Till now, I was your cushion, now you will be on your
own.”
Hearing this, Sharmila could not hold back her
tears. Sam’s back was towards her so he could not see his mother wet cheeks.
“What’s wrong in living separately from your parents? Why this undue pressure
to stay together when we are not tuned or prepared for this? Let’s live in
independent spaces with peace and harmony. Everyone wants to design their own
life. Why should one follow anyone’s path? Especially, when one doesn’t like
that path,” Sam paused and looked look back at his mother’s expressions. Sharmila
had the most beautiful smile on her face. She was feeling proud as a mother
that her son was wise for his age and had a clear vision of life.
Sam is gennext. This generation is wiser as they
have been a witness to changes in family's morals, ethics and cultural values.
Generation prior (his parent’s generation and ones in their late 40’s and 50’s
now) have confused themselves about many things. The definition of enjoyment,
happiness and focus has become hazy. In an attempt to ape the Western culture,
they have incorporated all the vices like drinking, smoking, over presence on
social media, partying till wee hours, extra marital affairs, wearing short dresses etc,
thereby neglecting their children and family. This is the new definition of
living a happy life- pseudo modernization is the correct term. Respecting one's own tradition and culture is being viewed as being conservative and living in a
bubble of western culture as being modern. Time to pause and think! Where are
we heading? What path are we carving for our children? The choice is always ours.
Life is not black and white, rather shades of grey. Yet, one needs to set clear guidelines about right and wrong till a certain age. As maturity sets in, gradually guidelines get modified into right and being more right. The word wrong gets eliminated.
Be the person, you want your child to grow up to be.
Try to live life in a conscious state, happy and regret free.
Love,
Juju.