Wake up call! Lessons from Gen next

Wake up call! Lessons from Gen next

Disclaimer: This write up is an attempt to sensitize, not judge any generation. It’s moral duty of parents to pass on the family values. Same for children, the onus is on them to carry forward the legacy. Names have been changed to maintain confidentiality. There is no intention to hurt anyone’s sentiments. Any resemblance to any person is purely coincidental.

 

For any new generation, there is direct impact from previous two generations, namely parents and grandparents. The values they imbibe, is directly proportional to behavior of their parents and grandparents. Here is an excerpt from a conversation, during my sessions-

“Mom, I don’t want to lead a sandwiched life like father, neither do I want my life partner to suffer like you,” said Sam, a 22 year old boy to his mother. His mother, Sharmila was shocked and shaken to hear these words. All this while, she thought she had given an amazing environment for her children to grow and tried her best to balance her differences with her spouse and her in-laws. Sam continued, “All through my childhood, I have seen father getting stuck between grandmother and his wife. His decisions have been influenced by grandfather. He has not been able to live a life he always wanted to live, a life by one’s own choice on one’s own terms. You have made lot of adjustments too. I have been a witness to your sufferings, at time silent, at times explosives. And my heart bleeds on recounting such incidences. I want to see my parents happy and satisfied.” 

Sharmila just kept quiet and patiently waited him to pour out his feelings. Sam had just received his acceptance letter from a University. This was his dream to study in a University and country of his choice. He had harbored this dream since childhood. Sharmila had been the backbone of her family and had dedicated her life to her family. She had left her high profile job to look after her children as she was unable to develop a support system. She had this regret which resurfaced from time to time. Even though she thought she had handled well, Sam her son thought much otherwise.

Sam continued, “Maa, I love you very much and wish to see you happy and lead a fulfilled life. Start living for yourself. Just see how grandmother has dictated you all through these years and always dominated you. Even aunts and helpers don’t give you much respect. The reason is you are considered as an outsider by grandmother and will always remain. The situation will not change. Please change yourself so that you live in harmony. I am concerned as I will leave soon. Till now, I was your cushion, now you will be on your own.”

Hearing this, Sharmila could not hold back her tears. Sam’s back was towards her so he could not see his mother wet cheeks. “What’s wrong in living separately from your parents? Why this undue pressure to stay together when we are not tuned or prepared for this? Let’s live in independent spaces with peace and harmony. Everyone wants to design their own life. Why should one follow anyone’s path? Especially, when one doesn’t like that path,” Sam paused and looked look back at his mother’s expressions. Sharmila had the most beautiful smile on her face. She was feeling proud as a mother that her son was wise for his age and had a clear vision of life.

Sam is gennext. This generation is wiser as they have been a witness to changes in family's morals, ethics and cultural values. Generation prior (his parent’s generation and ones in their late 40’s and 50’s now) have confused themselves about many things. The definition of enjoyment, happiness and focus has become hazy. In an attempt to ape the Western culture, they have incorporated all the vices like drinking, smoking, over presence on social media, partying till wee hours, extra marital affairs, wearing short dresses etc, thereby neglecting their children and family. This is the new definition of living a happy life- pseudo modernization is the correct term. Respecting one's own tradition and culture is being viewed as being conservative and living in a bubble of western culture as being modern. Time to pause and think! Where are we heading? What path are we carving for our children? The choice is always ours.

Life is not black and white, rather shades of grey. Yet, one needs to set clear guidelines about right and wrong till a certain age. As maturity sets in, gradually guidelines get modified into right and being more right. The word wrong gets eliminated. 

Be the person, you want your child to grow up to be. Try to live life in a conscious state, happy and regret free.

Love,

Juju.

HNY 2023# Author interview

The year 2022 was a roller coaster year with personal losses. However, it ended on a positive note happy note. 

1) My book - *Momsie Popsie Diary Tea  time chit chat on living life* has been selected for the *prestigious Golden Book Awards 2023.*(There were 5500+ nominations).My 15th Literary Award* 

2) In *ISCCM - ( Indian Society of Critical Care Medicine )* newsletter, Nov-Dec 2022, my interview was published in section Wellness Journey : Mind, Body and soul ( page 88-91)

3) My *Author interview was released on You tube channel -* Wellness with Dr. Diptimala.

Wish you and your family a very happy, fulfilling new year 2023.

https://youtu.be/RJMmv_RFm9U

Love,

Juju 

Situationship # Gennext relationship

Those born in seventies are now parents to teenage and college going children. It is of utmost importance to keep oneself abreast with the latest trends. 21^st century has witnessed changes at a greater pace than previous centuries. Thanks to Digital era, every individual has a steady companion. No rewards for guessing! Yes, it’s the mobile phone. The brighter side is it's like having the entire universe in your hand. However, there is a darker side too. Excess of knowledge with unlimited access has introduced the gennext to a different world where values like commitment, faith, trust, loyalty, etc are either much lower down the list or maybe missing. One of the values which, tops the list is the fear of commitment. This unknown fear has led to evolution of terms like Friends for benefits, no strings attached or situationships.

A situationship is a romantic relationship that is not defined and is not made official. There is no commitment between the two and both are free. This trend is on a rise and I have seen this generation being fine with this concept. They get in and out of relationship at a snap of fingers. They get detached quickly or in their language, do not carry any emotional baggage. Many a times, they are checking on multiple persons at the same time. And this may be the underlying reason that they get detached quickly and move on. (There is nothing wrong being in a situationship if both are comfortable and open about it. Please seek help if either one is not fine with this.)

This write up is not an attempt to judge this generation. The noble thought is to shake parents out of slumber. On learning such things, we should refrain from reactive responses and have mature, non judgmental responses. There are numerous articles on internet regarding situationship - the signs to identify this and remedial steps to get out of this and so on.

As it’s the first weekend of New Year, I wanted to share something new with my readers. It is always easy to judge others, especially the next generation. Even our generation has heard taunts umpteen number of times, relating to our life styles, etc. I conclude with few points to ponder upon-

What did this gennext see in our behavior that such terms evolved? Are we showing signs of lack of trust and commitment too? (Though, we don’t talk about it or are not aware.) How we can inculcate the importance of commitment, sanctity of being in a steady relationship? The onus is on us.

Get your neurons activated over a cup of tea/ coffee.

Let’s pledge to evolve with our children and not judge them.

Let’s pledge to appreciate them. The world has enough critics already.

Share your thoughts in comments section or as a direct message.

Love,

Juju

Top 10 Books/Editor's Choice

Hello readers,

Happy to share my book

My Mind's Cafe 28 stories for a love tooth has been featured in

Top 10 Books of the Month / October 2022 [ Editor's Choice]

https://www.delhiwire.com/top-10-books-of-the-month-october-editors-choice/8911

Keep loving, Keep caring

Keep reading keep sharing.

Love,

Juju

Top 50 Inspiring Women of India

My dear readers,

Feeling blessed, motivated, inspired to see my name in Top 50 Inspiring Women of India. List released in HT - Hindustan Times, Business Standard & Fox Story.

Here are the links :

Hindustan Times:-

List of India’s 50 Inspiring Women 2022 by Fox Story India Released

https://www.hindustantimes.com/brand-stories/list-of-india-s-50-inspiring-women-2022-by-fox-story-india-released-101670320553767.html

Fox Story India:- 

https://foxstoryindia.com/2022/11/26/list-of-indias-50-inspiring-women-2022-by-fox-story-india-released/

Magazine Link:- 

https://issuu.com/foxstoryindia/docs/october_print_copy-compressed

Love,

Juju 

Gone too soon A.J. # Koi naa! Koi naa!

Gone too soon A.J. # Koi naa! Koi naa!

Disclaimer: This write-up is inked with author’s soul as it is an ode to her precious pearl# uncle #mamaji who left his mortal coil. A sensitive write up. 

All battles end sooner or later. Almost all battles cause harm to both parties. In this particular battle of Alchemist, the opponent was God himself. Not even for a single moment our faith deterred and we kept on going and going. It was fight unto death.

Remembering my first friend in my household after marriage, A.J. was at the driving seat as he took me along with his nephew (my husband) home after my marriage. He was a man with impeccable mannerisms and a knack to communicate with people of all age groups. He was very fond of children and had a unique way with them. He was my most trusted, secure connection with the entire household. His pet tag line was,” Koi naa! Koi naa!” and these two words worked like magic. He taught us how to build and maintain relation. Because of him, the entire household of more than sixty members remained united. He was the first one to extend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry or an embrace to comfort. He taught us so many things and provided a shelter just like my Momsie Popsie. He referred to his home as my chhota maika. He loved unconditionally and remembered even minutest details about our preferences.

As I touched his cold forehead and bid my goodbye, the entire two decades went by in a flash of moment. And all I could see was his warm smile and love in his eyes. This write up can never do justice as words are not enough. Feeling happy to see his values and morals in his children. I am overwhelmed to see our family united through thick and thin. As I took my leave, I started seeing him in his children, his nephews and a feeling of calmness enveloped me. He lives in us and will always remain so. I feel he has crossed into a different realm, another dimension where he can see us and we can’t. As my Popsie says, “ In the court of God, there is no appeal, one must accept his decision with folded hands.”

If you love and care for someone, please do express with whole heart. One never knows when that moment comes!       

Love,

Juju

How much is “Too Much”?

How much is “Too Much”?

Everyone must have heard this statement at some point of time or other. She/He cares too much, She/He loves too much, She/He spends too much time with their children, She/ He spends too much time in his office, too much on studies, on phone, in gym, in kitties, in being social, on social media, list is long. 

I decided to search tools which could measure or calibrate “too much.” My search led to reading various books and ended with discussion with my Popsie. We talked in length about this, if some tool existed which could help us in calibrating too much. Each one has a unique life’s perspective which is dependent on various factors like family background and environment during childhood. A man is a summation of genetic make-up conditioned by his circumstances.

Finally, my inner voice gave me the insight. This term “too much” is relative, holds no value and cannot be measured. It all depends upon one’s own priorities and conscience. “Where focus goes, energy flows” is a summation of the title. Depending upon one’s priorities, each one devotes time and energy in that particular direction. There can never be one common platform or measure to weigh the priorities.  It's important to realise , what is too much for one person might be too less for other. Think, introspect and get in touch with me. Hey! don’t think too much.

Oops! I did it again. With a promise to keep conscious check on my words, enjoy last eighth weekend of year 2022.

Love,

Juju.

Change conjunction # transform life!

 Change conjunction # transform life!

(It’s all about use of conjunctions – but, in our daily conversation)

A routine wellbeing call, stirred a storm in my Mind’s Café when my friend said, “I want to go for morning walk but…., I want to join dance class but…., I want to go for a trek but ……”

This went on for few minutes when I suddenly felt the urge to stop her. Every sentence she spoke had two parts. First part was about the activity she wanted to do and second part was all about the justification rather excuse of how/why she was unable to do the first part. I could follow her conversation very well. 

I have observed, this word “but” holds a very important place in our vocabulary. This conjunction is used to join two ideas that are opposite. Introspection led to dawning -whenever and where ever we want to justify ourselves, we use the word but. I find this word negative as it generates a palpable pause when used and the user adopts a defensive line of action. There is associated unspoken lack of responsibility and motivation. I explained in brief and requested my friend to use the word “and” instead of “but”. Luckily, she understood my philosophy. We resumed with our conversation. Sharing a part of how it went.  

I want to go for morning walk and I have to drop my child to school at the same time. I want to join evening dance class and I have to attend my evening office duty. I want to go for trek this winter and my child has board exams. She sent a kiss through the mobile and said, “Thanks dear, now I feel I can do both the things. Earlier, I used to feel helpless and demotivated. Now I feel positive and in control of my life.”

“Always there for you, happy for you. Thanks! I too got an idea for my blog,” I smiled as I disconnected the call. I have adopted this since long. Hope you adopt this consciously too. Word is indeed world. Wishing my Reader’s a happy, motivated and empowered life.

(P.S. I have to start my next project and I have to resume my yoga. 

Both require mind, body and soul alignment. Feeling unstoppable already.)

Love,

Juju.

Listing links for my 11th Book

Hello readers,

I feel humbled to share my 11th book is out. Title : Tales in the City Volume 1.

To be adapted into short film (Availability in all formats)

 https://www.ukiyotoindia.com/product-page/tales-in-the-city-volume-i

Keep loving, Keep caring.

Keep reading, Keep sharing

Love,

Juju's  Pearls 

When a day seems like eternity!

When a day seems like eternity!

P.S. This write up is dedicated to all the souls who have had tryst with wait and grief. My personal request to all my readers to send healing healthy energies in name of a precious pearl A.J.

How a routine day will unfold, no body can guess. It may be adventurous, life threatening or even an upside-down kind of a day. If one is lucky enough such a situation can be overcome. In such challenging situations, faith gets shaken the most, one falters and many a times at loss on how to behave. Mind get frozen when one of your most dear persons is admitted in an Intensive Care Unit in a hospital. This is the time when a day seems like eternity. I have devised a formula approach. Remember, “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!”  

One can defeat adverse situation by being tough. Form a core group of people who are positive and motivated. Here being positive matters. Not even one moment of negativity or doubt. Discuss well with the attending doctor, have faith and trust the treatment given. If required, do not hesitate to take a second opinion. Faith can move mountains. Here we are talking about a human being weighing less than 100 kg. Faith tops the list.

Another crucial point is surrendering to almighty. “Nothing happens without God’s will.” Keep reinforcing this and let each and every cell in your body surrender to God selflessly. Generate a chain of prayers so that universe conspires and targets all healing vibration towards your loved one. Let your doctors team take care of the treatment plan. Have faith, keep patience, the rainbow is about to appear. The day which seems like eternity will soon become a memory. Hold on! This too shall pass.

Love,

Juju.  

 

 

 

 

Humor # Pre-Diwali

 Humor # Pre-Diwali

An impromptu short write up which I want to share with all of you. A change in outlook brings out sheer joy.

I called up my friend in the morning to enquire about her plans for the day. “Today, is my Diwali cleaning day. I find this task so Herculean and always end up feeling, I could have done better,” she answered in a heavy voice.

“How about sent-up exam before this Herculean task?” I promptly replied. This brought my friend in the present moment and she sounded confused. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Now, I was sure she was paying full attention and I enjoyed those few after minutes thoroughly. Clearing my throat I said, “Look, before any final university exams, students need to appear for pre university or sent-ups. Just like pre-boards before board exams. Similarly, if you want to practice, I am generous enough to offer my house as sent-up exam. You are welcome to clean my house, test your instruments/ gadgets and skills properly before you attempt this in your house,” I replied in a most calm, soothing voice and tone.

I don’t understand as to why she disconnected with some inaudible whispers. She has blocked me since then.

This was just to add comic tadka. Infact, we laughed our hearts out and my friend said, " I know you will write a blog on this before the day ends. " My friends know me really well. Feel blessed. 

Love,

Juju