An open letter by daughter in-law

Sharing a short story from my collection, which is selected as the first story to be published, Book Launch, January 13th 2024 KLC 24 (Kolkata Literary Carnival 2024). 

Marriage or scrutiny under a scanner 24 x 7

An open letter by daughter in-law to her mother in-law

 

Dear mother in-law,

(This is not a grievance letter. It’s my attempt to help you understand our new relation)

Hope this finds you in good health and a happy state of mind. Ever since I have got married to your son, I have noticed a change in your attitude and behavior. Earlier you seemed very welcoming and happy but now I sense a feel of insecurity. Do you see me as a threat? I feel so. You seem to be critical about whatever I do or say especially in relation to your son who is now my husband.

We both have a great thing in common and that is love for the same man. I am not here to break ties of a son from his mother. A son you have given birth to and raised him with your heart and soul. I am here to make my own space as a wife and his life partner. We are not opposite party and it’s not like a war situation where my intention is to over throw you and capture the throne. Where is the throne? Rather who is the throne? Do you consider your son as an object? Please do not burden him like this. I have many aspirations and look forward to a peaceful, harmonious married life. You leave no stone unturned in creating differences. You twist my words and feed negativity about me. A mother has a big heart. All I am requesting is to give me space and time to adjust in your family. I have come from an entirely different background and culture. All this is new and very different. I need time to unlearn and relearn.

Another request is to please stop comparing me with your daughters. They are great as sister in-laws. Let me build up a relation with them on one to one basis. Everything need not be through you. You should be a secure, loving women (with everything in your name.)  Then, why this insecurity? Please do not feed negative stories about me to my husband. Most of the times, I never come to know why he is upset with me? I do have noticed this pattern that after spending time with you and his siblings, he always comes back disempowered with a volatile temperament

Please stop comparing me with other daughter in-laws in your friend’s circle. Each human being is different. This alliance happened because of mutual consent between the girl, the boy and their respective families. Then why I am perceived as a villain on mission to break this home!

Remember how you felt when you got married. The onus is always on elders to make the house environment comfortable for the new bride person. We need to work together to make this work.

I have come as an adult in your life unlike your children whom you have raised up.  I don’t wish to be a daughter to you neither do I want you to be my mother. Let’s respect this beautiful relation of mother in-law and daughter in-law and work towards maintaining its sanctity.

Please communicate if you disapprove of some actions or ways. If you don’t then how will I come to know? We need to keep this communication gates open.

Lets pledge to contribute and please do not compete with me.

Yours,

Daughter in-law

(Dignity & pride of household)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reset Humanity! What every mother should teach her son.

Sharing a short story from my collection, which is selected as the first story to be published in a book to be launched at upcoming KLC 24 (Kolkata Literary Carnival 2024, Kolkata)

Reset Humanity!

What every mother should teach her son.

Woman is the most powerful person on this planet Earth. The one with the womb is God’s favourite and rules the planet. In raising children, boys are seldom involved in household chores. A child should be brought up like a child and not son or daughter.

Every parent should remember to inculcate basic moral values in both daughter and son.

A son should be taught to respect woman as a human being. Woman should not be objectified. A daughter should be taught to take a stand for her own self. Parents play the vital role. I am highlighting two scenarios of two houses.

 

Case Scenario 1

Typical patriarchal family, where man dominates and woman is expected to be submissive. The father hurls abuse at his wife, shouts, screams, disrespects and even raises his hand on her. The roles are distinctly divided. Cooking, washing, cleaning, looking after the house, in-laws, aged parents etc are wife’s duty. The man goes out to earn. That’s all! When he returns home, he expects to be pampered with love and care and does not contribute in the household work.

Children of such parents passively learn this. This has been happening since ages and women are made to work like animals for free in the name of looking after the household. His wife silently bears this torture.

In such a scenario, these parents are sending a strong message to their children. To their son, the message is loud and clear –that it’s perfectly ok to ill treat and disrespect woman. And to their daughter, the message is – in a married life, a woman is expected to do as her man says and should happily bear the torture and abuse at all levels – mental, physical and emotional.

Usually, in her defence, the woman sums up by saying, “The abuse of her husband is like prasad from God.”

 

Case Scenario 2

Educated family where both husband and wife live and work like partners. They contribute in running the household. They have all the chores divided. There is nothing like a man’s job or a women’s job. Children of such parents have seen their father doing cleaning, cooking, washing utensils, doing laundry helping their mother at all levels. Since, childhood, their mindset is tuned to respect each other as human beings and to contribute.

In such a scenario, these parents are sending a strong message to their children regarding marriage as an institution which is built by both partners in a loving, caring way. The woman as such is never objectified. To their children, the message is loud and clear. Running a household is duty of both partners. One should contribute in this as the goal is same to build a happy, harmonious place to live and enjoy. Children of such households are usually balanced and respect their partners.

Problem usually happens when children from one scenario find themselves in another. 

As a rule of thumb, the mother should cultivate the habit of respecting girls and women in her son. The disrespect should never be ignored or justified. Be it with his sister, helper or mother herself. Care at such basic level ensures proper instillation of moral values in the son.

If each parent, especially mother pledges this, humanity can be reset in a very short span of time.

 Happy festival vibes!

Love,

Juju

PRESS RELEASE : THE AUTHORS OF THE 10 BEST BOOKS OF 2023*💫

 *PRESS RELEASE : THE AUTHORS OF THE 10 BEST BOOKS OF 2023*💫

https://medium.com/@inkzoidfoundations/the-authors-of-the-10-best-books-of-2023-3c310478da41

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 *CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE PRESS RELEASE* 💫

With Regards,

Team ELYSIANPENS

My house! Dream or Reality!

Cheers! Welcome to the season of festivals.

Sharing a recent incidence which brought out my thinking cap from the closet. I was invited for an Expert talk at a reputed college. I had to address around 150 girls all pursuing their Bachelors in Science.

My topic was Unlocking Potential: Fostering Women’s Empowerment and well-being for a Balance Tomorrow. It was a great interactive session with enthusiastic participation from the girls.

While walking back to the Dean’s office, Dean asked, “Where do you live mam?” I answered promptly, “With my in laws in their house.”

He smiled and reverted, “So, your in-laws stay with you?”

I clarified, “No Sir! I stay in my in-law’s house.”

He smiled and said, “It’s one and the same madam. Your in-laws are staying with you or you are staying with them.”

I smiled and repeated my earlier statement , “Sir, its’s not the same. This is one of the main reasons for disharmony in many households. Give it a thought. I am very clear in what I think and what I say.”

Suddenly, his face lit up and he replied, “Never thought of this way. We will like to have you more often in our university.”

I nodded in affirmation. While riding back home, a thought came as to where was my place? Did I actually belong here? It’s either in-laws house or  husband’s house? I couldn’t see myself in this whole picture of two decades of my life, my entire youth. The only place I could call mine was my parental place where I was born and brought up. With changing times, this feeling too seemed to be fading away.

I snapped my fingers, pinched myself, to give a reality check. We all are temporary on this planet Earth. We do not belong here for eternity. So, why to get into this vicious cycle of my house, my place, my … etc etc. I looked up to the vast sky, could feel my Momsie’s blessings. Peace prevailed.

Leaving with a food for thought –

“In this temporary life, why does one’s heart yearn for a permanent place to stay?”

Love,

Juju

A tale of two Alpenliebe candies

Almost each one of us must have come across this while shopping, instead of coin change, the shopkeeper hands over a toffee worth Rs 1 or a chocolate worth Rs 5. 

I refer to this as enforced buying. This behaviour irks my conscience at times. Many a times, I ignore and give these candies to my staff or patients.

It's a morning ritual in almost every household to buy milk. I usually try to tender exact amount to my helper who goes to buy milk packets. 

Till few months ago, the price was a whole number so there was never a issue of money return. Ever since, Amul milk price increased to Rs 66 per litre, the problem has started cropping up. 

In last two days, our local milk vendor gave an Alpenliebe candy as Rs 1 exchange. This happened twice and I knew I had to nip the evil in the bud. After getting two alpenlibe candies, I decided to give the shopkeeper a taste of his own medicine. 

Today morning, I gave Rs 130 plus 2 Alpenliebe candies for two litres of milk ( total Rs 132). The shopkeeper understood and commented, " From next time I will never give a candy in place of Rs 1." 

Mission accomplished, message conveyed.

Few years ago, I had used Diary milk chocolate worth Rs 5 in similar way to convey the message. It worked. 

How do you deal with this? Please write in comments section. 

Love

Juju. 

An Open Letter #Part 2

An Open Letter #Part 2

To,

Children of the Universe,

I can only try and understand what you are going through. I will not go into your life. Rather I want to give you a glimpse about my life at your age and maybe few years here and there.

Have you ever felt – “I am alone, I have no friends, I feel weird, I am always left out while other groups join in for fun, I feel like an outcast, My friends talk to me only when they need me, I am always available for my friends and not vice versa, My friends don’t reply to my text messages or see the messages and just ignore and the worst feeling is –I wish I was dead.

If the answer is yes, please proceed further. 

I was youngest of all siblings. My facial features were unlike others in my family, broad nose, chinky eyes and fair complexion. At times, I felt alien in my own family. My elder sisters were brilliant in studies and toppers of their class and sections. I was a jovial, naughty soul who studied what was required to pass with dignity. Teachers would come, ask me to stand up, with a questioning glance ask “Do you have the same genes like your elders siblings?” How come they are amongst the toppers and you are at the rear end. I could hear giggles of my classmates. Internally, I would cry and my tears would go through my nose into my throat.

In class seven I lost marks in Sanskrit term paper as I wrote something else than what was asked, There was a difference of one maatra which I didn’t see. When answer sheets were distributed, I took up the matter with the concerned teacher only to realize, I was a myopic. I got spectacles and was shy to wear. During our times, people were labeled as four eyed. People would mock and say, “You have four eyes, yet you didn’t see?” The stigma attached is much similar to body shaming in today times. I was so embarrassed and at times felt ashamed and outcast. There was no concept of rimless or fancy spectacles. So, what I got was a thick rimmed black spectacle. Thanks to one of my friends who encouraged me to wear it in class and complimented me. Later, I realized nobody was bothered about my looks. It was all in my mind.

Coming year, I got my tryst with orthodontist and had braces. Thanks to my parents who identified that I was shy while smiling and would place my right hand to cover my mouth while laughing or while clicking family pictures. And soon big metallic braces gleamed with pride for next two years. I always looked at other girls and thought I never fitted in. I was unlike other normal girls of my age groups who ever very feminine. There was constant comparison with my elder sister about my weight. The joke which went was, 2 years younger and 3 kg heavier. This particular joke lowered my self esteem for quite some time till I shed extra kilos after my tenth boards.

There was nepotism all throughout. Classmates who had their parents as teachers in our school were given most important roles and even during Assembly or school choir, I was never in front, always in the back, my mother had ingrained me about the importance of participation than being a winner or being in limelight. Once I was replaced form the post of Queen to a maid. There were times when my lengthy dialogues were cut to mono-syllables or just nods. I just kept on going. Thinking things would change post class tenth.

Classes 11^th & 12^th had different set of challenges. Competition, jealousy, trust issues, insecurities and fear of not being able to fit in the social mold and being missed out (now a day called FOMO.) This can go for few extra pages, 

I will conclude by sharing my coping mechanisms.

1)  Share with your parents especially mother. Get correct information from them rather than your peer group.

2) Make yourself a priorty and strive to become better. It should be ME Vs ME.

3)   When you feel engulfed by negative thoughts, the first best thing is to write it down. Then read what you have written and seek help accordingly.

4)   All flowers bloom in their own timeline. So, do not compare a lotus or a rose with a sunflower or a marigold. If you are not feeling 100% means your bloom time is still due.

5)  Inculcate the habit of praying to God. By assuming a folded hand pose, one surrenders to God. And God loves all his children fairly in same weighing balance. God has no favorites. Loving oneself is akin to loving God.

6)  Focus on your growth – your studies besides your health. Be so self caring that you become a power house of magnet. People will be attracted towards your magnetic personality

Finally, in college, I became a swan from an ugly duckling. Really ? No! it was all in my mind. I believe I am a limited edition soul # God’s favorite.

Appeal to children, to share their coping mechanisms as I did mine.

Love,

Juju’s Pearls.

 

 

An Open Letter #Part 1

An Open Letter #Part 1

A routine discussion with an enlightened soul was going on. Suddenly, the conversation drifted towards rising behavioral issues amongst teenagers especially in high school. Lately, I have seen many teenagers coming up with these issues. Their mothers try to preach them idealistic things, benefits of studying, making a career, remaining focused and so on. Nothing seems to work as per parents.

Do take a moment and think – As a parent/mother or their well wisher, the words which come out of our mouth have traversed this path infinite number of times! So much so the essence has evaporated.  Repeated same action and yearning for a different outcome is a sign of less evolved soul.

One needs to get into the teenage mind and explore the challenges they are facing not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically too. Peer pressure and FOMO top the list. One needs to understand, the times in which we parents have grown up and the today’s times, have changed exponentially. If the age gap difference between your two children is more than five years, please bear in mind that the times of younger one are much different than times from the elder one.

So, the message is clear – One size does not fit all. Same, stereotypical advice will fall on deaf ears. My summation is with this open letter to all the children of Universe.

To analyze these changes, I am preparing a questionnaire along with the help of a reputed wise organization to help and understand teenagers and their parents. Please make your children read my open letter from my blogs.

(Please feel free to leave comments as anonymous or message me regarding the burning issue in your ward and around. This will be strictly confidential.)

Love,

Juju’s Pearls

(Please read Part 2 and share with your children.)

Author interview

Dear readers , 

Sharing my author interview. Do click on link and watch.

https://authorscorner.in/interview-of-dr-reemanshu-bansal/

Love, 

Juju.

Top 16 Unique Talents

 Dear readers, 

Happy to share I have been selected in Top 16 Unique Talents of the Globe. 

Sharing links of press release 

PRESS RELEASE : The Top 16 Unique Talents Of The Globe*

https://news.google.com/articles/CBMiRWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LndlYnN0b3J5aW5kaWEuY29tL3RoZS10b3AtMTYtdW5pcXVlLXRhbGVudHMtb2YtdGhlLWdsb2JlL9IBRWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3LndlYnN0b3J5aW5kaWEuY29tL3RoZS10b3AtMTYtdW5pcXVlLXRhbGVudHMtb2YtdGhlLWdsb2JlLw?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US%3Aen

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 *CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE PRESS RELEASE* 💫

Love, 

Juju.

Are you Ambitious enough?

Are you Ambitious enough?

A casual conversation with evolved souls helps me a lot as an author. It’s of utmost importance to be aware of your circle.  A routine well being call diverted when the person on other end of call commented, “Hey! I am very much contented with my work, lifestyle and myself. I feel I have enough. At times, I feel I am not ambitious like my colleagues who are working endlessly and living in big houses and having a fleet of cars!”  

I waited for the person to complete and listened attentively. “Why do you think so?” I interjected . The reply came, “Everyone talks success in terms of financial temperature and the material assets they possess. At times, I do feel I can devote more time to my profession and earn more. But then, I want to spend time with my children and family too. I want to play games with them, watch movies together, cook for them. This is my second best time apart from my professional time. I do not want to compromise on this too.”

There was a deep sigh as if to absorb what was said and create new threads for conversation to continue. To me, it seemed more like a conversation between one’s own mind and heart rather than a two way communication. And I waited for the concluding remarks. After a small pause, the words which came out were, “Is it so that I am justifying myself for not being ambitious? Or is it so that I am not ambitious at all and am going on an easy way? There are times when I feel so. What is your take on this? Hello! Are you there?”

Immediately, I responded, “Yes, very much, all ears. Are you talking this to yourself or seeking validation from me or just discussing? Should I speak my thoughts?” I could hear a silent nod and Hmm.

“What is ambition? By Oxford Dictionary, it means ‘a strong desire to do or achieve something.” So, dear friend, every person has a different ambition. Your ambition is to balance your professional and personal life as it seems so. And you are doing great in both spheres. It comes down to same age old mantra of living – To each his own, your life, your choices, and your ambition. An ambition can be to own a house, to earn degrees, or to be like someone, to keep a good house, so on. One just can’t compare.”

Before I could complete, my friend interrupted, “Yes, you are right! It was my ambition to maintain a balance between my professional and personal life. I am ambitious as I strive to attain this balance every moment. From where does all this wisdom come from? What’s your source buddy?’

My answered was obvious, “My Momsie Popsie- A satisfied life is better than a successful life. As success is measured by others and satisfaction is measured by our own soul. So, cheers you are a satisfied, ambitious person. Bye! Have a great day.”

“Hey! Wait a moment, what’s your take on – Does success brings in happiness?” my friend spoke in an impatient tone.  ‘Dear, this we keep for next time, ‘I replied.

Time to ponder, what’s your ambition? Financial accumulation is not the only one.

Do pause, breathe and think!

To be continued …….

Love,

Juju.

 

Watch!!

Are you watching?

Brahma-mahurat is the best time of the day to introspect and chat with your own good self. This is the time before dawn when sun is rising from slumber as night is paving way for it. The sky is clear with stillness in the environment as if Divine power is creating a connection with his creation. One can hear beautiful sounds of birds, breeze, leaves which are otherwise engulfed by noises during the day.

I looked at my watch to check time as I had to wake up my little monk. A thought came with a bang - Watch! Watch! Watch! Why did I look at my watch in middle of my meditation? Internally, I gave an answer- to check the time so as not to get late in waking up my monk. This little action of watching reflected about my current priorities in life and ensured my thought and work was aligned. All it took was just a moment to be in synchrony.

Multiple thoughts started churning in my mind with a question – If we watch at the right moment, majority of our problems will vanish. At that very moment I pledged- 

I will watch – how and what  I speak,

I will watch – what I hear,

I will watch – what I see,

I will watch – what I think,

I will watch – when and what I eat,

I will watch – how I breathe

I will watch – how I sit

I will watch ……….. 

And the list became endless.

The clear message from Divine was - one moment of awareness create infinite moments of awareness. 

Live in the moment. 

Happy watching!

Love,

Juju