What men want?

What men want?

(When they rebuke, ”Leave it, you can’t do it!”)

Disclaimer: Such kind of blogs are generally penned to help few anonymous souls, who are seeking help in empowering themselves and to gain a better understanding of their roles. Any resemblance to anyone’s life is purely co-incidental.

This phrase is very commonly used in our male dominated society. Males (not all) get a sadist satisfaction whenever they utter these words to the fairer sex. I leave it for the reader to read this phrase with appropriate pause and stress. The tone may be low, but their body language gives away the real feelings.

I often discuss with my Popsie the difference between ego and self respect. As per my understanding, in self respect, one tends to protect one’s own dignity and never puts down the other person. Whereas in ego, all effort is done to humiliate, put down the other person. the work is done on the other person - the basic difference. Reader’s discretion is fully respected. 

In long term relationships, which are created by human beings, Yes! I am talking about marriage- a bond between two souls with different backgrounds and thinking. This pious divine bond always stands the test of time right from the time of inception. Both the parties try their level best to adjust, accommodate, to get this vehicle in forward direction. Yet, at times, this vehicle starts giving errors, stops or just dismantles. 

In terms of giving in marriage, I believe a woman gives far beyond than a man can ever do. She leaves her childhood house, even her surname. All her relations take a back seat including her school/college friends. She makes every effort to adapt and fit in. The man should feel indebted to her forever. On the contrary, most of the times, things work out in a different realm. She is made to feel inadequate, not accepted, so much so that she starts doubting her own decisions (if she is not mentally strong)- the gaslighting phenomenon

My question is open to the house. Who decides, rather who gives men the power to make her feel like this? We talk of big terms like women empowerment, women liberation. This cannot be achieved till the time a woman learns to support her fellow woman. Our society can never move ahead. Women who call themselves "the torch bearers of change" in our society, who are involved in social work talk and behave differently in social gatherings and at home. The same women who lectures about gender equality, either taunts her own daughter in law’s inability to bear a male heir or forces her for multiple pregnancies or abortions. Men are a witness to all this nonsense and think it’s fine to disrespect his spouse.

A woman can be another woman’s best friend as well as foe. The roles she play, decides her loyalty. She’s great as a mother, sister, friend and wife. But can be at her evil’s best in roles of - lover, sister in law and mother in law. Till the time, this equation doesn’t change, no amount of women’s empowerment or up-liftment is going to ever happen. This can be summarized in two lines. The joy of seeing your son in-law helping your daughter, is crushed at the sight of seeing your son help his wife. I rest my case at this point.

Due to this hypocrite behavior of women, men see themselves as in-charge in respective scenarios.The motive behind saying the phrase, “Leave it! You can’t do it!” is to awaken the women from slumber. It’s time to rise above individual differences and elevate the pedestal to such a height, where no one can shake it. Always remember the main ingredients God used to create the mould of woman is love, compassion, nurturer, care giver and essence of God himself -the power to create new life which is above any other thing. Let's start contributing and stop competing. 

Don’t ponder over what men want or say or weave stories around their remarks. They are incomplete without women and every woman has a man within. Be so focused in improving your own self, that you don’t have time for any such petty things. Choose your fights wisely.

P.S. I can vouch almost none of you must have expected this write up to conclude on a positive note going by the title. Keep loving, keep reading, keep sharing.

Love,

Juju       

Que Sera Sera

 Que sera sera

“Whatever will be: will be “, these words hold an eternal meaning. Yet we tend to think more than what is necessary and disturb our mental peace.

Every human mind has two voices within – which control the extreme end of every sphere. Simultaneously, these voices send signals which can make us reactive/ impulsive or pro active. The bad voice (just to differentiate) urges  me to open the wrapper of chocolate and take a bite , whereas the good voice /other voice refrains and tries to rationalize the after effects of eating chocolate late night. Fingers are on keyboard, eyes glued to my laptop, and guess what, my right hand reaches for the side table. The chocolate is now in  my captivity. I quickly tear the chocolate wrapper and take a bite. The other voice seems to be muffled as if drowned and the bad (dominant in this moment) voice grins in the most devilish way. My good voice knows it’s pointless to argue with the bad voice and surrenders. In the next few minutes, the entire 40 grams of chocolate travels through my oro-pharynx, food pipe and rests in the stomach. This pleasure is temporary. Once the task is done, the bad voice hibernates, as if to escape the burden of this irresponsibile action. The good voice takes over, has no choice. Feeling of guilt, lack of will power etc, issues surface up.  I take a look at my cell phone to wish my daughter good night and like her status “ Que Sera Sera”. Humming this, I settle scores with my both voices and regain my mental peace.

After a long time, I adorn my thinking cap and sit in trance. Countless thoughts start traveling in my mind. Like a refree, I keep on discarding the useless ones and set aside the "food for thought" ones. Is talking with oneself, a sign of some sort of illness?  I don’t think so. 

Swami Viveknanda says,“ Do spend time with your own self, else you will miss the opportunity of meeting the best person in your life!” Our scriptures and the learned say,” All that we seek outside, is inside.“ I am unable to understand, where do we tend to go wrong? Everything is a master plan of almighty and whatever will be: will be, then why worry about future. Why can’t we just live in the moment? Sadhguru says, "Life is happening now." 

If your past is in your present, it’s not past. Future is a word of fiction, only to make human beings understand the importance of present moment. The moment gone by is past and moment yet to come is future. It’s in another dimension. The present, is the only time and space dimension we actually have in our hands.

Let’s pledge to meet ourselves on daily basis, spend at least an hour or less , so that we can exercise control over the two inner voices and become proactive.

After all, Que sera sera, so why worry!

Love,

Juju    

9 inch # Change of perpsective

9 inch # Change of perpsective

This anecdote will resonate with many of us. Two decades of marriage has it,s own shares of ups and downs with sweet and spicy memories. The scenario I am about to share is very common and occurs very frequently. In couples, especially when both are working, most of the times, one spouse keeps things be it food items or important papers. When the other spouse asks about it, the usual reply is, “It’s right in front of your eyes, how can you not find it!” The tone generally changes into impatience. This keeps on happening so frequently and one tends to think,” He/ she can never find anything, whereas it takes a second for me to find it.” A sense of pride starts to creep in insidiously. These little incidents, time and again can ignite the relationship. Whether it is doused as a small fire or it takes the shape of a major fire outbreak, depends upon the maturity levels of two souls.

During summers, I usually prepare a fruit platter and keep separate bowls for my spouse and children along with lemonade or buttermilk in the refrigerator. Recently, I was in the middle of my work, when my cell phone rang. It was my spouse on the other end. He asked in an impatient tone, “Where’s my lemonade and fruit platter? I am unable to find it in the refrigerator.” His impatience got transmitted and I replied rudely, “Open the fridge, it’s right in front of your eyes. Our children can always find their platters, how come you can never find it?” He replied promptly, “I can only see dry fruits and milk jug in front of my eyes.” I was astonished and taken aback, “Why are you looking at the top shelf? Please look in the third shelf from the top.” He casually replied, “You told me, it’s right in front of my eyes. Third shelf is below the level of my eyes.” He disconnected.

Immediately, I could visualize the entire scenario. My spouse is 9 inches taller than me so there has to be visual level difference. Our teenage children have reached my height. It became crystal clear. A wide smile spread across my face. I could feel the halo. Life is so simple. One needs to re-adjust one’s vision in different situations, time and again.

Whenever, life teaches a lesson, I call it a great day. That one moment of realization brought yet another beautiful rainbow in our relationship. I was able to douse the small fire successfully. Now I keep things at a level 9 inches higher, so that whenever my spouse calls up to find it, I can confidently say,” It’s right in front of your eyes.”

So, by how many inches do you need to change your vision level to bring spring in your lives!

Love, 

Juju.

I am the best version of myself

A friend came to see me at my workplace. I was in awe of her answer,  when I asked her, if she wanted medical evaluation,  " I have come to freshen up my mind " was her prompt reply.

Welcome aboard my workplace where worries vanish into thin air over a hot cuppa of tea. 

" Empty nest syndrome" is an entity known to many of us who are in their fearless forties.  I have realized that a mother weaves her own life around her family and it's not too late before she starts searching for her own orignal true self.  As children grow up, time comes to leave the nest. The women, the mother in her, starts to feel the emptiness set in. Many of us, start to doubt about our own worth.

This time is most crucial as negative thoughts rein over the positive ones. Just as we harness the waters to generate hydroelectricity, similarly our thoughts must be channelized to give power to our constructive positive thoughts. 

Always remember that we came into this world alone. Gradually many people associated with us, in this journey of life as our inner circle or outer circle

In mid twenties or early thirties , appropriate time comes for marriage and then children (for majority of us). The  journey unfolds at its own pace. As the the grains of sand pass through the hour glass , there comes a time when, people in our lives gradually bid goodbye and leave us. If one is lucky enough, the companionship lasts for decades. Sooner or later,either one has to leave the mortal coil. Once again, we are left all by our ownself.

One should have this thought embedded that one,s  entry and exit in this world is alone. God never sends us in pairs ( please ignore twins and triplets). In the journey of life, one should not get too much attached to anyone or anybody.  Keep on practicing the theory of detachment. This will help us in leading a fulfilled life. Never ever question yourself , " Am I good enough?"

Please remember, we all are very much good enough.  Keep yourself in the centre and witness how the life changes once the focus shifts from external to internal self. The entire world changes . Keep the remote of your life in your hands securely. 

Be focussed in being the best version of yourself. 

Stop ! Pause ! Breathe ! and start thinking I am the best.

 Love, 

 Juju

How to overcome Covid Series# Part 4: “We are trying our best”

Dedicated to my dear sister Dr. Diptimala, who is an Intensivist and critical care expert # Covid warrior # our hero

How to overcome Covid Series# Part 4: “We are trying our best”

 

The most dreaded words which send shivers down the spine are “We are trying our best!” When your doctor utters these five words, the whole world seems to crumble and brain starts to fog.

A routine moment becomes a moment of uncertainty. Your mind is flooded with thoughts and confusion. These words can change to “We are hopeful now” to “let’s pray for your patient’s health” to “hospital stay might be prolonged” etc. These statements change just like weather. Please understand your doctor is conveying the current moment status. Be non judgemental and just keep your faith and stay strong. At times, there can be lot of variation. Covid is an altogether out of the world kind of disease man has ever encountered. 

Medicine community is working hard day and night to understand it’s course which it changes rapidly. Treatment protocols are changing very fast, medicines used earlier are now under scanner. The base of treatment rests on anti-inflammatory and blood thinners in coherence with strict monitoring of pulse, oxygen saturation and temperature with Covid profile lab tests.

Please follow these protocols diligently and with sincerity. Doctors have so many patients to look after that many a times the Specialist doctor gets to visit the patient only once a day. What keeps him on track is the patient’s vital monitoring and lab results. No red flags means good news and recovery is round the corner. Rising trends of certain markers means the shore is far.

For people who are lucky, please do breathing or breath holding exercises, eat a balanced diet, exercise daily and adhere to Covid guidelines. Doctors and para medical staff are working beyond their capacities to tackle this situation. Besides, being stressed out mentally and physically, they feel emotionally drained. The feeling of helplessness is so detrimental.

Let’s each one becomes responsible in fighting this war.

Pray all of us enter 2022 together.

Love,

Juju.

How to overcome Covid series# Part 3 : No news, means good news

"No news, means good news"! These words echoed in my mind when I called up the doctor incharge under whom a close friend was admitted. Doctor,s voice sounded drained when he said," I will let you know if there is any change in the vitals. These days, I get tired of talking. Please understand." 

For me, it was regarding my friend , one Covid patient. For the doctor , he had his hospital stretched to its maximum limits with a Herculean responsibility. Wearing double masks topped with face shield, it is humanly impossible to reach out for ringing mobiles and answer it. Many a times, the calls remain unanswered. One should try not to be judgemental and always have a benefit of doubt. Technology has brought us closer, but also made us impatient and anxious.

Mild cases are recovering with home isolation, vitals monitoring under their doctor,s guidance. It is important to break the fever cycle. Second week is the most challenging and vigilant week. This is the time when moderate cases are switched over to steroids and other medicines for better management. 

Let's pledge to do our part and let your doctor do his part. Have faith, remain patient and get the updates at decided time only. In case of any adverse situation, your mobile will scream. 

If each one identifies one,s own role in controlling this pandemic, mother Earth will recover at the earliest.

Till then, keep a watch on self and near ones. Anyone who has fever, bodyache, running nose or cough etc should be isolated. Self imposed isolation is the need of hour. Chart your vitals ( temperature, oxygen saturation , pulse rate) at regular intervals, be in contact  with your doctor.

The journey seems unending as we are unable to see the shore. The situtation is akin to a camel about to sit on ground  (one never knows which side, the camel will sit- graph rises, attain plateau or declines).

Till then, take care, be alert. Don't panic! Whatever comes, has to go. Help mother Earth in resetting herself.

Love, 

Juju,s Pearls

How to overcome Covid Series # Part 2 – Acceptance #Action

How to overcome Covid Series # Part 2 – Acceptance #Action

Second wave of Covid has caught mankind unprepared, yet again. It seems much more fierce than the first one. Mankind has short term memory. The earlier lessons were not even memorized as yet, new revised syllabus surfaced. Those who had rendezvous in the first wave are less scared than those who escaped. This is affecting at mental and emotional level in people with Covid cases in family and friends. The fear of isolation and how to handle oneself is creating a panic situation.

Besides, the guidelines given by government, I have come upon a day to day plan for mental and over all stability. First and foremost, there should be acceptance to the hardcore fact that Covid is here to stay for some time unless we become responsible. The acceptance mode paves way to mind searching for solutions and actions. Every few hours, one gets to hear the news of someone becoming Covid positive, requiring admission in hospital, paucity of hospital beds, etc. These inputs tend to derail the mind. A person should firmly believe, “Covid is a mind game.” As you think, thou shall be the outcome. One needs to reinforce this firmly that, we can beat this disease.

Any patient with fever in current scenario is considered as a Covid suspect. Self isolation is of prime importance. Along with this, four to six hourly monitoring of body temperature, pulse rate and oxygen saturation. Lying in prone position (on tummy), steam inhalation and breathing exercises are important tools in maintaining the well being. Regular consultation with your doctor is must. The vitals chart should be shared at regular intervals. All the medicines which one is already taking , are to be taken along with medicines prescribed for Covid. Baseline lab investigations are mandatory (done in consultation with doctor) which needs to be repeated on day seventh or earlier and later as per the progress.

In case, one’s saturation falls below 95 %, consider it as a warning signal, not a panic signal. Lie in prone position and recheck and consult your doctor immediately. Many a times, the patient panics and starts to hyperventilate which leads to further drop in saturation. Try to maintain a calm composure, have full faith in God and your treating doctors. Dark, stormy sky gives way to most beautiful rainbows. The sunrise is not far away.

The only thing constant in this world is “Change.”

Whatever comes: has to go!

Till then, go slow with a positive mindset, be aware, accept and act.

 

Take care,

Juju.

P.S. For those who are already hospitalized, my “Quarantine series” will help you and your family stay afloat. 

How to overcome Covid Series # Part 1 – Train your mind # mental game

How to overcome Covid Series # Part 1 – Train your mind # mental game

Covid ! this word has become a household word since last seventeen months. This word holds different meaning to different people of varied mindsets. For some, rather many, it’s still a bubble which has been created for political and economic benefits. Reality is harder than dreams. There should be absolute no denial about this disease.

If we go through the pages of history, every human being has witnessed one or the other kind of such pandemics, be it in form of wars, economy, religious or diseases. Our grandparents have witnessed World War II, partition of India. Generation of our parents age group have been witnesses to Korean wars, Vietnam wars, India's wars with her  neighboring countries,etc. People of twenty first century are witnessing Covid.

If one wants to defeat its opponent, one needs to accept it. First and foremost one should accept that this pandemic is out there hitting everyone. The precaution guidelines as devised by respective government are to be followed in full spirits. Now is the time to stay alive and gently stay afloat. Along with prescribed guidelines, there are other spheres which need to be taken care of. Covid is no longer the disease which affects respiratory system, it is a multi-systemic disease. Mental power and will power play a key role. The very thought of isolation stimulates our nervous system so much so that one starts to speculate this as a prison state. Infact one should not be a prisoner to one’s own thoughts. The greatest prison is being entrapped in one’s own mind.

Corona has changed our behavior and culture in several unique ways. Self care has become true care. Having visitors over home has become a strict "No -No" , leading to boost of video calls and chats. Schools have squeezed into laptops or mobiles. From off line mode, everyone is in online mode.

Normally, few years/decades are required to adapt to such changes. However, due to genetic instability of the virus, changes have been enforced over few months. This has led to mental weakening in many of us. The challenge is to adapt with full stability and mental power.

Pandemic advisory guidelines are there for each country which are similar more or less. The base of this pyramid comprises of masking, physical/social distancing and sanitization. Vaccination drive is being carried on with full force.

The second wave has hit harder than before and involves a wider age group. One tends to hear disturbing news which leads to mental and emotional instability. There is a feeling of helplessness and guilt as one is not able to travel to be with their loved ones or take care of them. This leads to energy depletion, which makes us vulnerable.

Now is the time to have faith and befriend God. Read and share only positive news, encourage your kith and kin to make motivational videos about how they overcame this disease. Regular exercise, balanced diet, meditation, adequate sleep, rest and being in a conscious happy state are few keys to mental power. The paradox is everyone knows this, these are no new teachings! Humans are in a great hurry to win over Corona.

Our opponent is mightier and stronger than anyone could ever think of.

Let’s pledge to make our behavior more responsible and instead of criticizing and spreading negative news, one should spread positive, healing news. Don’t become a part of panic creating system rather, become a soother, healer.

Ask yourself just one question, “How can I contribute?” Please remember the parallel world’s population is steadily increasing. A correct step in the right direction can only save us. Amen!

Impose self isolation# Limit your movement to minimum # follow Covid protocol.

Be mentally strong as we have to witness the new sun of 2022 together.

Love,

Juju.

P.S. For those who are hospitalized, my “Quarantine series” will be like a soothing balm for yourself and your kith and kin.

 

 

Short story by Juju's Pearls : “ Must have been love !”

“ Must have been love !”

In one corner of a country, a boy was born after three girls in an affluent family. It was festive like feel in the entire village. Month long celebrations went on and literally none of the household in the entire village cooked any meals for a month.

This blue eyed boy, Jared was everyone favorite. He was brought up with lot of love and pampering by his parents and sisters. He was not used to the word “No” being said to him as everything was in affirmative as far as he was concerned.

Years rolled by and time came to leave the nest. He was an average student in academics but excelled in sports. This helped him secure a admission in country ‘s reputed college. It was the first day in college. Jared’s heart skipped a beat and he experienced butterflies in his stomach when he saw a beautiful girl with long hair, holding books in her hands crossed against her chest, come towards him. She seemed like a fresher just like him. She asked him very politely, “Please help me in finding the lecture hall for first year.” Jared could not control his excitement. Trying to keep his calm and compose, he just guided her in the wrong direction. 

Later in the lecture hall, his eyes kept searching for the girl. After lunch break, he saw the girl in the hall with red, swollen eyes. He mustered courage and walked up to her. Immediately, she looked up and spoke, “Please let me know the real reason why you misguided me? I entered final year lecture hall and was ragged. You have hurt me a lot. I missed my first two lectures because of you.” She sounded sad and left without a word.

Jared felt deeply hurt. The girl who had stirred some different feelings in him was angry with him. He befriended her best friend with aim of getting to know her and to apologize. He came to know Jass came from an educated family and was a topper in her state. Jass was very clear in her goal in life. Jared sent her sorry notes,  flowers and chocolates. Jass was oblivious of Jared’s feelings towards him. So, she assumed them to be for her friend Lim, as she had seen Jared and Lim together few times in cafeteria. The flowers and cakes kept coming on regular basis. Both Jass and Lim thought, it was for the other one. Finally, one day, both decided to talk about it openly. Jass told Lim, “Jared was not as good as he looked. She felt he was stalking her too inspite of being committed to Lim.” Hearing this, Lim bursts out into laughter in disbelief and spoke, “Jass, how could you ever think like this ? Right from day one in college, ever since Jared saw you, he knew you were the one. “ She continued, “ Jared was just seeking my help in delivery of flowers and chocolates. Now I see why you never touched them, Hope you must have read his sorry notes which were addressed to you?”

At this point, Jass was in tears and she hurriedly went inside the room to search for sorry notes. All the sorry noted were addressed to her. Almost, like a flash of lightening, everything became clear to her. All this while, Jared had his eyes only for her. She misunderstood him as she had seen him with Lim few times sipping coffee together. Deep inside, she had liked him a lot and was jealous of Lim.

 Lim arranged a date for both of them. When they met, only their eyes made contact and all the vows were exchanged. They both realized, how true love actually felt like.      

 

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Short Story by Juju's Pearls : First love # Born to travel

First love # Born to travel

The trance of a hot summer evening was broken by cry of a new born. Many years ago, somewhere in a government hospital in maternity ward, a lady gave birth to a beautiful child, fair as ice and smile like Buddha. The day she was born, her mother had noticed a wheel like configuration on her right sole. She had remarked, “My daughter is born to travel far and wide, travel will be her first love."

This little girl was named Trivia. She was a beautiful, cheerful happy child. During her early childhood years, she would spend time exploring every nook and corner of her house and the play area. The sight of birds, animals and plants stimulated her and she always yearned to go out of house. She excelled in school in academics as well as extra-curricular activities. Her favorite hobby was organizing school picnics and trips. Her parent’s life mantra was to travel to different places. Exploring new places, meeting new people and witnessing different cultures were the most invaluable lessons in any child’s life.

Trivia had a habit of writing all details of her travel in her personal diary. By the time she became a major, her diary was beaming with many itineraries. She was all set to explore the world on her own. She joined a reputed flying school, became the ever first lady pilot from her state. Her passion for travel earned her high flying mileage scores in a short duration of time. This led to shift of her department from flying to non flying area, ground staff. Her heart beckoned her, she took early retirement and set up her own travel consultancy by name of Trivia Travels. She is busy helping people realize their love for travel.

Sabbatical#MOMSIE POPSIE DIARY

New year , January , february months - exam time , that time of the year when the school session is coming towrads the end and there is excitement to eneter a new class. Both mother and child are equally excited. New grade, new books , new tiffin box and water bottle. The happiness level is maximum and at times, the mother misses out on things she loves. That,s right, I took a sabbatical from my blog as I was busy in publishing my first book, MOMSIE POPSIE DAIRY- Tea time chit chat over tea.

This book maintained rank #2 on Amazon Hot new sellers for more than sixty days and has touched lives of many souls. The journey is still going on.

I have started writing short stories to keep my blog activity.

Soon, I will be taking another sabbatical when I will write my another book.

Till then, take care. Keep loving, keep reading , keep sharing .

Juju. 

https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/dr-reemanshu-bansal/

INDIA ,s links

https://www.amazon.in/dp/1649516959

https://notionpress.com/read/momsie-popsie-diary

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https://www.flipkart.com/momsie-popsie-diary-tea-time-chit-chat-living-life/p/itma70341551be39?pid=9781649516954&affid=editornotiMOMSIE POPSIE DIARY 

INTERNATIONAL LINKS

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For UK

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