Reader’s Choice Series # Children settled abroad- Part 2
Disclaimer: Sensitive topic with aim of
creating awareness. Any resemblance to any person or situation is purely
incidental. Reader’s discretion is respected.
Preface: I had gone to meet my colleague to discuss a
medical case. The conversation that followed was about children leaving their
parents and homeland for greener pastures, settling abroad. Their parents are
left behind waiting for them to return.
Every person wishes for a life based on his/her own
choices. Where there is a choice, there is no place of regret. This write up request
is by a special reader who has been a witness of my journey in literary world. In
relationships, it’s always about understanding the other person’s perspective. There
are numerous reasons as to why children settle abroad. In many cases, children
want their parents to be with them too. However, parents do not want to leave
their comfort zone. Do not blame your children for leaving their motherland.
Parents don’t play victim card or go in sympathy mode.
Many of you may have
different views, all opinions are respected. We are trying to analyze and understand
this. Like one of my friend’s child says, “Maa, don’t start off with your
Baghbaan.” (For those who are unaware, Baghbaan is an Amitabh Bachchan starrer
hit movie where children don’t care for their parents in their post retirement phase
and misbehave). For ease of understanding, I am sharing few key points for both parents as well as children. One cannot generalize, exceptions will be
there. Be wise to pick, choose, edit, delete and add (T&C apply).
For
Parents:
1) Children
observe and absorb our actions more than our words.
2) Always
praise your child and avoid criticism. Never make your child feel incompetent
or small.
3) Refrain
from these emotional blackmail statements, “I am your parent, I know the best, ” “ I have
done so many sacrifices for you”, “I have worked very hard to provide you a good
education and environment ,” “I have built up so many assets that you need not
work,” etc.
4) How
you behave with your parents will lay a foundation of how your children will
behave with you in your old age.
5) Remember
you are not doing any favor; you are doing your duty as a parent.
6) One
of the most important thing is (it’s for men) -how you treat your wife. The
best way to love your children is by loving and respecting their mother.
7) Listen
to your child, understand their needs and support them.
8) The
asset you are planning to leave after your death, please give them when they
need. As parent, you are failing in your duty, if your child takes a loan and
you just sit and talk about your empire. If they can’t use when they need, it’s of little use afterwards too.
9) Stop
sharing your success stories only, do share your mistakes and failures too.
10) Most important, keep the communication path
open. Do not go overboard.
11) Prepare them for the road ahead. Do not
prepare the road for them.
12) Once in a while, pause! Remember
you were once their age, how your parents behaved and the impressions you made
and carried in life.
13) Have faith in your upbringing and trust your
children. Don’t jump to conclusions.
14) Don’t feel insecure and be wise enough to step
down from your throne at the right time and crown your Prince/Princess.
For
Children
1) Respect
your parents and express your love on regular basis. As you grow into an adult,
your parents are marching towards old age.
2) Involve
your parents in your plans and activities.
3) Always
keep in mind that your parents are your well wishers, most safe and secure
space (exceptions are always there).
4) Help
them understand your decisions and make appropriate arrangements for them while you are away. Build a secure circle of friends and neighbours in case of emergency.
5) Never ever stop talking to your parents. Keep
the communication channel open always.
6) Make
sure your children connect with their grandparents. Ensure enough calls – phone
/ video and physical trips to hometown (as per your financial strength).
7) Do
call them regularly as these calls act like immunity boosters and escalate
their self-confidence and esteem.
8) Remember,
soul never ages, only the body ages. Make them feel important and never let
them feel redundant. Ask your mother to cook your favorite meals/ tea once in a
while. Ask your father to get your favourite things from market ( just like when you were a child)
9) Most
important- Hug your parents in a tight embrace. Such hugs
have a positive effect on their cardiac health. That feeling of hearing your
child’s heart beating close to your heart is priceless.
10) Visit them while they are healthy and create
memories to be cherished.
There is no rule book as it varies
from person to person.
My summation is –If your child plans to settle abroad,
please support and don’t make them feel guilty.
Support them in living their dreams.
Love,
Juju