The Closure! Part 2

P.S. This write up is dedicated to all the souls who left their mortal form suddenly, who were alone in their last moment or did not get a proper farewell as per their rituals and customs. Dedicated to my school friend who is unable to come to terms with loss of her parent and seeks my help. Pray this helps !

Human beings live life as if, they are immortal. The awareness about mortality has been deeply buried. Time and again, the vulnerable aspect of human life strikes and the slumber is broken. Some handle it in a stride, few tend to remain shaken, for  others, it may take a long time to come to terms with reality .

Covid pandemic has been one of the greatest tool in bringing this fact on surface. Human beings are vulnerable and mortal. Yet, many  people tend to forget this. Last eighteen months have witnessed many instances. So many people were half way across the globe when their loved ones left on higher journeys. The pain of not being in their last moment or in being a part of their last journey has given rise to many psychological issues. The feeling of helplessness is a very strong emotion. 

One must need to accept the fact that, "In the court of God ,there is no appeal. One must accept his will gracefully". My Popsie's sentence when my mother left on her higher journey. There should be no space for guilt. The moment is decided by God. When the time comes, there is  no way, one can postpone it. This phase is very tender, tiring with numerous ongoing inner conflicts. The events tend to replay repeatedly in one's mind. One tries to find areas of mistakes or moments where a better decision could have been taken so as to beat death. It is of great importance to remind oneself that the decisions taken in those circumstances were the best. 

Gradually, each one finds ways of closures. That closure is near complete healing. Some like to keep few things of their loved ones as memoirs. Few cook meals, which was the deceased one's favourite. Few try to identify the habits in their siblings, some try to carry forward their legacy or give a meaning to their unfinished tasks. Or few dedicate a book to their loved ones, just like me.

My book Momsie Popsie Diary -Tea time chit chat on living life, is my closure. Now I can talk about my mother and my eyes don't get wet. It took me nearly five years to find my closure. Hope all of you find your closures!

Just a fleeting thought ! Is this really a closure ? Or we are fooling ourselves into believing it! 

Don't analyse life, enjoy life. 

The show must go on. 

Love, 

Juju.

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

A baby is born in this world, free, natural and pure. The entire family tries to inculcate discipline in the little child right from the next moment. Be it feeding schedule, bathing schedule, toilet training etc. Somehow, what the newborn learns depends upon the learning experience of the teachers - parents and family. 

During the initial years, the carefree, natural soul is conditioned as per family's and society values. Everything seems black and white with no transition zones. It,s either right or wrong. Gradually, the child becomes a disciplined and cultured person. The situation changes when the time comes to fly from the nest.

Welcome aboard ! the arena of life - big world. There is exposure to different culture and traditions. Many of us start to feel suffocated in our disciplined moulds. Lucky are those ,who can control/modify the breaking of their cast and embrace life as it is. If this spell is broken, indiscipline is bound to make its way. It is always right there, waiting for a chance. 

Indiscipline has many alibis. Like a slow poison, deterioration starts to happen in all spheres, be it health, financial or  personal. For nearly four decades , I have lived a disciplined life before I was suddenly hit. It changed my perspective towards life and indiscipline creeped in. My mother, my Momsie left for her higher journey in my lap six years ago. 

My thinking changed and I started doing things, like I had never ever done before. The excuse was ," Finally one has go ! No body ever walks to his/her pyre/ grave. So, live life as if there is no tomorrow." The philosophy was correct, but the means to achieve it were not right. 

Gradually, I gained extra kilos, became withdrawn from social circles, became an introvert. This reflected in my overall behaviour, my dressing sense, my eating habits etc. I was jolted out of this phase by my angel in heaven. She came in my dreams and remarked, " What have you done to yourself? Is this your way of expressing that you miss me ? No, you are just finding an excuse to justify your indiscipline!" 

The next morning rays brought clarity and hope in my life. My vision was crystal clear. My life of indiscipline moved back to life of discipline. Now, it shows in my all spheres - personal, professional and social. The journey of discipline is a tedious, rocky terrain with lots of green meadows and breathtaking waterfalls on either side. No matter what, just don't budge from your path and enjoy the journey.

Our nature works in a disciplined way, in complete harmony with all elements of life - land, water, sky, fire and spirit. We, human beings should learn to live in discipline and in harmony with nature. 

After a wobbly half decade of indiscipline , I am back to my disciplined ways . Hope all of you chose your path wisely.

Love , 

Juju! 

The Closure ! Part 1

The Closure! 

Everything, everyone needs a closure. If we talk in medical terms,the primary wound closure takes generally 24 to 48 hours, that's healing by primary and secondary intention.  Thereafter, it takes around 4 to 6 weeks for the wound to heal and tissue to regain strength. This is the time period that nature has decided upon the wound closures. But what about our emotional wounds? How much time does it take? Have you ever thought about it?  The amount of time emotional wound takes to heal, can take from few hours, to days for few of us, to a lifetime for others.

Right from the time, when we learn to speak to the time we learn to be in silence, I have realized, talking doesn't require much energy. Whereas, it takes immense strength, will power and restraint to withhold our words. In many situations, speaking becomes detrimental. The proverb, " If speech is silver, silence is gold", holds true. Silence is closure to speech.

The point here, which comes in my mind is how do we define " the closure". As a child, one learns (even at a subconscious level) that anything which we open, must be closed. For example, in childhood days, whenever we used to open a box of biscuits or chips, mother used to say," please close the tin otherwise it will lose its crispness and become soggy". Over and over, time and again one hears these various words - close the fridge, close the door, close the almirah,close the water tap, close the file, close the deal etc.  

As I sit at my work place, fully charged, energized and motivated, I begin to wonder as to what is really " The closure ?" What exactly does the closure do?  Does it mean that in that moment, we have closed or settled our karma ! I'm not sure about, what it exactly means. But one thing is clear, a closure is necessary. 

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every coin has two faces, every human being also has a good and a bad side. Similarly, every situation has an opening and closure. Every conversation also needs a concluding statement, every event/ conference, every meal etc. There is a temporary closure when we say a goodbye too!  We take birth, from a source of energy, we take a mortal form. After many years, later , again we leave this mortal form to be in our soul form that is energy. This seems like a closure. If you look at the weather, summers pave way for the rainy season,  rainy season ends and makes way for the winters,  winters to spring. 

The closure gives immense satisfaction and a feeling of completeness. The earlier one adapts to this theory of closure and start practicing it, closer is one in achieving "Nirvana or moksha".

Happy closures to all of you. Whichever thing you start, pray you are able to end, whichever wounds are gaping or open in your lives, wish you have the closures. In case, the wounds -be it emotional or physical, are infected, God give you the strength to amputate them for proper closures.

The most recent difficulty mankind is facing is in this Corona pandemic where, close ones have been lost without a proper farewell. Grief stricken people are yearning for closures. This requires another write up as Part 2.

Till then, keep reading,  keep loving, keep caring and keep sharing.

Love, 

Juju 

4:40 am

4:40 am

This word and time is very close to my heart. Those were the days !  I am taking you back to the era, when all of us lived normal lives # Pre Covid Era. My elder monk, who is in medical school used to leave by this 4:40 am PRTC ( Punjab roadways transport corporation) bus on Mondays, which ever weekend she came. This golden time period was purely divine. Waking up at 3:30 am , preparing tea, packing breakfast getting ready etc to reach bus stand by 4:30 am. 

Earlier, I had a misconception about state roadways bus setvice, especially Punjab roadways. I used to find them highly unsafe. Thanks to my elder monk, I am happy to change my biased opinion. Over the years, I found these bus services to be safe, their driver and conductors co-operative and polite. They greet you with a warm assuring smile. When they say ," Mam, don't worry, we will halt the bus, right in front of medical school",  your worries disappear.

For the very first time, when I reached the bus stand, I spoke to driver, to enquire about his health, sleep and hunger status. The driver sensed my concern and replied in a most assuring way, " Mam, seems like you have come to drop your ward for the first time! For us, it's a routine. We sleep well and don't take any intoxicant."  

Gradually, over time I developed faith and trust. This monday morning ritual from twice a month, became once in three weeks and increased gradually. With the onset of pandemic , this moment became a cherished memory. I found so many students and people who were a regular feature. Enthusiastic students waiting to board the bus as they move ahead in their journey of life, people who were off to their jobs and parents like me who always felt a piece of their heart going onboard with this "king of state highway". 

Ever since then, I have learnt to bless all the state transport vehicles especially buses. I send positive vibes and blessings to all the drivers, conductors,  passengers and pray for their safe journey to workplace or home. 

Similarly, when my elder one started riding a two wheeler, my whole perspective changed towards two wheelers on the road. Earlier, I use to find them a nuisance on roads (honestly!). Later, I accepted them as teenage vehicles in this big world of four wheelers - light motor and heavy vehicles . Once acceptance came, I started sending blessings and prayers to all the two wheelers on the road. 

With this pandemic, so many cherished routines have become memories now. Another important one, is seeing one's child in school uniform and school bag. Their energetic smiles once they reach school , their cheerful hand wave as they run towards the school gate, is a priceless moment. All your worries vanish. 

Everyone has some special time and moment close to one,s heart.

I shared mine: what's yours ?

Love, 

Juju 

When I call or message, it means....

 When I call or message, it means ........

I leave this incomplete sentence for readers, to complete for themselves. 

I will complete this sentence from my own perspective. It means that person is very important in my life and I just want to check on their well being. There is no intention of breeching into their private life. We all have twenty four hours. If someone (in your circle) messages or calls you, one should try to take that call or revert back as soon as possible (in case you are unable to take that call). 

There are many individuals who have a latency in replying. That's the way they are. It's nothing personal against someone. Their behaviour is same for everyone (No offense intended). They need to be unconditionally accepted.

I have realized, after going around the sun for four and a half decades, each person is shaped depending upon the family environment and circumstances. Some families have a habit of staying connected, keep each other updated. Whereas in others, the principle is simple, "No news, means good news ." If a person from first type connects with person from second family type - differences are bound to happen. One must accept the fact that , nobody is wrong ! they are just different. A slight change in our thinking can avoid numerous mis-understandings. 

Another aspect, which I learnt is that while reading a message , your state of mind decides the unseen tone and emotions attached by the sender. If one is happy, the message sounds chirpy and if one is irritable, the message context takes another dimension. I feel it's better to call than text ( if situation permits).

Suppose, the text is ," Please do not message I am busy ". The way we apply pause, commas etc decide the context. Here, the reader decides the tone of the sender. This can be read as , " Please, do not message. I am busy." It conveys a polite meassge . On the other hand, if it is read as (in single breath) ," Please do not message I am busy." One just cannot read the last sentence without a serious, stern expression. 

One must consider oneself as a soul in a continuous process of evolving state. Majority of us must have harboured some sour feelings against someone in message chats. I pray most of the times, these must have been resolved. Life is too short to hold grudges or hatred, when there is so little time to love and share. Whenever you get a chance please call and speak. Remind yourself every minute- "Not to be judgemental as we never know their journey." Refrain from the habit of labeling someone as wrong or bad, just remember they are different."

When I call or message, it means you are on my mind. An evolved soul said, " The most important way to show someone that you respect is, by giving them a little of your time."

Thanks for taking time out from your busy schedule to read my write up. 

You are truly special. Much appreciated. Keep inspiring. 

Love.

Juju.

What men want?

What men want?

(When they rebuke, ”Leave it, you can’t do it!”)

Disclaimer: Such kind of blogs are generally penned to help few anonymous souls, who are seeking help in empowering themselves and to gain a better understanding of their roles. Any resemblance to anyone’s life is purely co-incidental.

This phrase is very commonly used in our male dominated society. Males (not all) get a sadist satisfaction whenever they utter these words to the fairer sex. I leave it for the reader to read this phrase with appropriate pause and stress. The tone may be low, but their body language gives away the real feelings.

I often discuss with my Popsie the difference between ego and self respect. As per my understanding, in self respect, one tends to protect one’s own dignity and never puts down the other person. Whereas in ego, all effort is done to humiliate, put down the other person. the work is done on the other person - the basic difference. Reader’s discretion is fully respected. 

In long term relationships, which are created by human beings, Yes! I am talking about marriage- a bond between two souls with different backgrounds and thinking. This pious divine bond always stands the test of time right from the time of inception. Both the parties try their level best to adjust, accommodate, to get this vehicle in forward direction. Yet, at times, this vehicle starts giving errors, stops or just dismantles. 

In terms of giving in marriage, I believe a woman gives far beyond than a man can ever do. She leaves her childhood house, even her surname. All her relations take a back seat including her school/college friends. She makes every effort to adapt and fit in. The man should feel indebted to her forever. On the contrary, most of the times, things work out in a different realm. She is made to feel inadequate, not accepted, so much so that she starts doubting her own decisions (if she is not mentally strong)- the gaslighting phenomenon

My question is open to the house. Who decides, rather who gives men the power to make her feel like this? We talk of big terms like women empowerment, women liberation. This cannot be achieved till the time a woman learns to support her fellow woman. Our society can never move ahead. Women who call themselves "the torch bearers of change" in our society, who are involved in social work talk and behave differently in social gatherings and at home. The same women who lectures about gender equality, either taunts her own daughter in law’s inability to bear a male heir or forces her for multiple pregnancies or abortions. Men are a witness to all this nonsense and think it’s fine to disrespect his spouse.

A woman can be another woman’s best friend as well as foe. The roles she play, decides her loyalty. She’s great as a mother, sister, friend and wife. But can be at her evil’s best in roles of - lover, sister in law and mother in law. Till the time, this equation doesn’t change, no amount of women’s empowerment or up-liftment is going to ever happen. This can be summarized in two lines. The joy of seeing your son in-law helping your daughter, is crushed at the sight of seeing your son help his wife. I rest my case at this point.

Due to this hypocrite behavior of women, men see themselves as in-charge in respective scenarios.The motive behind saying the phrase, “Leave it! You can’t do it!” is to awaken the women from slumber. It’s time to rise above individual differences and elevate the pedestal to such a height, where no one can shake it. Always remember the main ingredients God used to create the mould of woman is love, compassion, nurturer, care giver and essence of God himself -the power to create new life which is above any other thing. Let's start contributing and stop competing. 

Don’t ponder over what men want or say or weave stories around their remarks. They are incomplete without women and every woman has a man within. Be so focused in improving your own self, that you don’t have time for any such petty things. Choose your fights wisely.

P.S. I can vouch almost none of you must have expected this write up to conclude on a positive note going by the title. Keep loving, keep reading, keep sharing.

Love,

Juju       

Que Sera Sera

 Que sera sera

“Whatever will be: will be “, these words hold an eternal meaning. Yet we tend to think more than what is necessary and disturb our mental peace.

Every human mind has two voices within – which control the extreme end of every sphere. Simultaneously, these voices send signals which can make us reactive/ impulsive or pro active. The bad voice (just to differentiate) urges  me to open the wrapper of chocolate and take a bite , whereas the good voice /other voice refrains and tries to rationalize the after effects of eating chocolate late night. Fingers are on keyboard, eyes glued to my laptop, and guess what, my right hand reaches for the side table. The chocolate is now in  my captivity. I quickly tear the chocolate wrapper and take a bite. The other voice seems to be muffled as if drowned and the bad (dominant in this moment) voice grins in the most devilish way. My good voice knows it’s pointless to argue with the bad voice and surrenders. In the next few minutes, the entire 40 grams of chocolate travels through my oro-pharynx, food pipe and rests in the stomach. This pleasure is temporary. Once the task is done, the bad voice hibernates, as if to escape the burden of this irresponsibile action. The good voice takes over, has no choice. Feeling of guilt, lack of will power etc, issues surface up.  I take a look at my cell phone to wish my daughter good night and like her status “ Que Sera Sera”. Humming this, I settle scores with my both voices and regain my mental peace.

After a long time, I adorn my thinking cap and sit in trance. Countless thoughts start traveling in my mind. Like a refree, I keep on discarding the useless ones and set aside the "food for thought" ones. Is talking with oneself, a sign of some sort of illness?  I don’t think so. 

Swami Viveknanda says,“ Do spend time with your own self, else you will miss the opportunity of meeting the best person in your life!” Our scriptures and the learned say,” All that we seek outside, is inside.“ I am unable to understand, where do we tend to go wrong? Everything is a master plan of almighty and whatever will be: will be, then why worry about future. Why can’t we just live in the moment? Sadhguru says, "Life is happening now." 

If your past is in your present, it’s not past. Future is a word of fiction, only to make human beings understand the importance of present moment. The moment gone by is past and moment yet to come is future. It’s in another dimension. The present, is the only time and space dimension we actually have in our hands.

Let’s pledge to meet ourselves on daily basis, spend at least an hour or less , so that we can exercise control over the two inner voices and become proactive.

After all, Que sera sera, so why worry!

Love,

Juju    

9 inch # Change of perpsective

9 inch # Change of perpsective

This anecdote will resonate with many of us. Two decades of marriage has it,s own shares of ups and downs with sweet and spicy memories. The scenario I am about to share is very common and occurs very frequently. In couples, especially when both are working, most of the times, one spouse keeps things be it food items or important papers. When the other spouse asks about it, the usual reply is, “It’s right in front of your eyes, how can you not find it!” The tone generally changes into impatience. This keeps on happening so frequently and one tends to think,” He/ she can never find anything, whereas it takes a second for me to find it.” A sense of pride starts to creep in insidiously. These little incidents, time and again can ignite the relationship. Whether it is doused as a small fire or it takes the shape of a major fire outbreak, depends upon the maturity levels of two souls.

During summers, I usually prepare a fruit platter and keep separate bowls for my spouse and children along with lemonade or buttermilk in the refrigerator. Recently, I was in the middle of my work, when my cell phone rang. It was my spouse on the other end. He asked in an impatient tone, “Where’s my lemonade and fruit platter? I am unable to find it in the refrigerator.” His impatience got transmitted and I replied rudely, “Open the fridge, it’s right in front of your eyes. Our children can always find their platters, how come you can never find it?” He replied promptly, “I can only see dry fruits and milk jug in front of my eyes.” I was astonished and taken aback, “Why are you looking at the top shelf? Please look in the third shelf from the top.” He casually replied, “You told me, it’s right in front of my eyes. Third shelf is below the level of my eyes.” He disconnected.

Immediately, I could visualize the entire scenario. My spouse is 9 inches taller than me so there has to be visual level difference. Our teenage children have reached my height. It became crystal clear. A wide smile spread across my face. I could feel the halo. Life is so simple. One needs to re-adjust one’s vision in different situations, time and again.

Whenever, life teaches a lesson, I call it a great day. That one moment of realization brought yet another beautiful rainbow in our relationship. I was able to douse the small fire successfully. Now I keep things at a level 9 inches higher, so that whenever my spouse calls up to find it, I can confidently say,” It’s right in front of your eyes.”

So, by how many inches do you need to change your vision level to bring spring in your lives!

Love, 

Juju.

I am the best version of myself

A friend came to see me at my workplace. I was in awe of her answer,  when I asked her, if she wanted medical evaluation,  " I have come to freshen up my mind " was her prompt reply.

Welcome aboard my workplace where worries vanish into thin air over a hot cuppa of tea. 

" Empty nest syndrome" is an entity known to many of us who are in their fearless forties.  I have realized that a mother weaves her own life around her family and it's not too late before she starts searching for her own orignal true self.  As children grow up, time comes to leave the nest. The women, the mother in her, starts to feel the emptiness set in. Many of us, start to doubt about our own worth.

This time is most crucial as negative thoughts rein over the positive ones. Just as we harness the waters to generate hydroelectricity, similarly our thoughts must be channelized to give power to our constructive positive thoughts. 

Always remember that we came into this world alone. Gradually many people associated with us, in this journey of life as our inner circle or outer circle

In mid twenties or early thirties , appropriate time comes for marriage and then children (for majority of us). The  journey unfolds at its own pace. As the the grains of sand pass through the hour glass , there comes a time when, people in our lives gradually bid goodbye and leave us. If one is lucky enough, the companionship lasts for decades. Sooner or later,either one has to leave the mortal coil. Once again, we are left all by our ownself.

One should have this thought embedded that one,s  entry and exit in this world is alone. God never sends us in pairs ( please ignore twins and triplets). In the journey of life, one should not get too much attached to anyone or anybody.  Keep on practicing the theory of detachment. This will help us in leading a fulfilled life. Never ever question yourself , " Am I good enough?"

Please remember, we all are very much good enough.  Keep yourself in the centre and witness how the life changes once the focus shifts from external to internal self. The entire world changes . Keep the remote of your life in your hands securely. 

Be focussed in being the best version of yourself. 

Stop ! Pause ! Breathe ! and start thinking I am the best.

 Love, 

 Juju

How to overcome Covid Series# Part 4: “We are trying our best”

Dedicated to my dear sister Dr. Diptimala, who is an Intensivist and critical care expert # Covid warrior # our hero

How to overcome Covid Series# Part 4: “We are trying our best”

 

The most dreaded words which send shivers down the spine are “We are trying our best!” When your doctor utters these five words, the whole world seems to crumble and brain starts to fog.

A routine moment becomes a moment of uncertainty. Your mind is flooded with thoughts and confusion. These words can change to “We are hopeful now” to “let’s pray for your patient’s health” to “hospital stay might be prolonged” etc. These statements change just like weather. Please understand your doctor is conveying the current moment status. Be non judgemental and just keep your faith and stay strong. At times, there can be lot of variation. Covid is an altogether out of the world kind of disease man has ever encountered. 

Medicine community is working hard day and night to understand it’s course which it changes rapidly. Treatment protocols are changing very fast, medicines used earlier are now under scanner. The base of treatment rests on anti-inflammatory and blood thinners in coherence with strict monitoring of pulse, oxygen saturation and temperature with Covid profile lab tests.

Please follow these protocols diligently and with sincerity. Doctors have so many patients to look after that many a times the Specialist doctor gets to visit the patient only once a day. What keeps him on track is the patient’s vital monitoring and lab results. No red flags means good news and recovery is round the corner. Rising trends of certain markers means the shore is far.

For people who are lucky, please do breathing or breath holding exercises, eat a balanced diet, exercise daily and adhere to Covid guidelines. Doctors and para medical staff are working beyond their capacities to tackle this situation. Besides, being stressed out mentally and physically, they feel emotionally drained. The feeling of helplessness is so detrimental.

Let’s each one becomes responsible in fighting this war.

Pray all of us enter 2022 together.

Love,

Juju.

How to overcome Covid series# Part 3 : No news, means good news

"No news, means good news"! These words echoed in my mind when I called up the doctor incharge under whom a close friend was admitted. Doctor,s voice sounded drained when he said," I will let you know if there is any change in the vitals. These days, I get tired of talking. Please understand." 

For me, it was regarding my friend , one Covid patient. For the doctor , he had his hospital stretched to its maximum limits with a Herculean responsibility. Wearing double masks topped with face shield, it is humanly impossible to reach out for ringing mobiles and answer it. Many a times, the calls remain unanswered. One should try not to be judgemental and always have a benefit of doubt. Technology has brought us closer, but also made us impatient and anxious.

Mild cases are recovering with home isolation, vitals monitoring under their doctor,s guidance. It is important to break the fever cycle. Second week is the most challenging and vigilant week. This is the time when moderate cases are switched over to steroids and other medicines for better management. 

Let's pledge to do our part and let your doctor do his part. Have faith, remain patient and get the updates at decided time only. In case of any adverse situation, your mobile will scream. 

If each one identifies one,s own role in controlling this pandemic, mother Earth will recover at the earliest.

Till then, keep a watch on self and near ones. Anyone who has fever, bodyache, running nose or cough etc should be isolated. Self imposed isolation is the need of hour. Chart your vitals ( temperature, oxygen saturation , pulse rate) at regular intervals, be in contact  with your doctor.

The journey seems unending as we are unable to see the shore. The situtation is akin to a camel about to sit on ground  (one never knows which side, the camel will sit- graph rises, attain plateau or declines).

Till then, take care, be alert. Don't panic! Whatever comes, has to go. Help mother Earth in resetting herself.

Love, 

Juju,s Pearls