Lockdown 2.0#Reel to real life story.

Lockdown 2.0 # Reel to real life story.

With lockdown 2.0 till May 3, once again life has given another chance to indulge in path of self discovery. This write up is dedicated to my dear friend, an Ex army person Major.

Last 100 days or so has brought out innumerable changes in ways of human life with all belief system being shaken, questioned, all worship places being closed, so on . One thing which has time and again established itself is Science and the entire team behind. Hats off, to all my dear fellow front line doctors and para-medics. May God bless them with all the courage, health , adequate PPE,s and peace.

Let me take you on an inner journey of a young girl. She was her papa,s princess and had same rights as her brother in this male dominated society. Her zest for studies, love for exploring life landed her in medical school. A born multi-talented, expressive outspoken personality , army was her foray. Never in her dreams she had wondered that soon her bed of roses would start bearing thorns. A wrong mismatch with subsequent divorce left her bruised and shattered. Could life be so brutal on this little pious young girl ? As time drifted, she gathered herself and lived a fulfilling life , ticking things off her bucket list.

Man is a social animal. You need a companion in this journey of life , more as to witness your moments of joy and share moments of sadness. Her parents were happy with her as she was a so called Yes man to her parents particularly her father. As a parent, her father was in control (Really ! control) of his child ( a lady in her thirties actually).  I always wonder what supreme thrill, parents gets by controlling their children ( emotions too!)

Yearn for life partner led to exploring shaadi.com kinda sites. For each one of us, God has created someone # Jisse tum dhoond rahe ho: who tumhe dhoond raha hai.

Inspite of going in the best amicable way, her father got infuriated at her proposed match. Reason ? out of caste ? out of religion etc , in reality a father,s ego was bruised as to how his child was able to find a suitable match while he had failed 5 years ago which had led to a divorce. A man rather father with wounded ego is much more dangerous than a man eater tiger or a rogue elephant. I will leave the entire home scene to individual reader,s imagination and discretion. After all we have seen enough bollywood movies/ TV soap operas to be a script writer in above scene where a daughter brings home her proposed match to meet with her parents.

To cut the long story short, this young lady fails in convincing her parents, moves into accommodation where she works. With help of some common friends, a court marriage happens and they live happily ever after. 

But……….  Picture abhi baaki hai dost! Jo ending happy nahin , iska matlab who end nahin hai.

Melodrama happens typical like an Ekta Kapoor serial, log kya kaheinge? Apne baap ki izzazat mitti me mila di , kahin ka nahin chhoda, etc…….. Parents stopped talking to her rather cut off the cord and discourage their family members even to interact /congratulate her .

Pause ! breathe ! chill!

This is the point, where I feel the society needs to awaken and shake their conscience, as to where are we heading ? why do we want to control our children,s life- throughout  ? why can,t we treat our children as individuals and respect their decisions ( in this case, I am talking about a woman in her thirties), why don,t we cherish our children and take pride in their actions?

If your child wants to lead his/her own life in their own way , instead of supporting them, why the parent wants to discourage them/ emotionally drain them into thinking that they will regret ( later! So what!).

My favorite quote to my daughter is
“ We ( parents) have given you wings to fly, and not to chop them off or tie them when your time comes to fly !”

Be a support system for your children. Learn to treat them as individuals and empower them.

As Sadhguru says, “ Children come through you, you don’t own them.”

Children are children of future. Let them be free. As a parent, our duty is to nurture them, love them, and see how they will make themselves into human beings with purpose.

Try and understand that the only difference is that we as parents have arrived some 25-30 years earlier than them.

Promise to be back soon with another story.    

Take Care,

Juju.   

    

Lockdown#Life reclamation Project

Lockdown#Life reclamation Project

Hello,

This sudden lock down seemed as if, rollercoster of the life was brought to an abrupt halt with many of us found ourselves hanging in mid air, clueless , as to what was happening.

I see this as a Project by God for welfare of mother earth and humanity. So, I coined the term   “ Life reclamation Project”. For once, the time seems to have ceased just like in motion pictures and we have this golden/ diamond opportunity to ponder upon from where we started our journey on this planet Earth and where are we heading! Is our steering wheel in the right direction? Are our efforts in coherence with well being of all beings on this blue planet?

With these thoughts, my mind drifts to another side of this lockdown# flip side. This time period will never come back in our lives (hopefully never) but the seeds it will sow now, will bear fruits in future. Out of many positive things which this will bring, I will mention few. 

With everyone in lockdown mode, life has slowed its pace, as if earth is rotating leisurely with ample of time left inspite of finishing our chores. The indoor board games – monopoly, cards, carom boards, Chinese checkers etc, badminton rackets, skipping ropes, balls are now in everyone,s life space especially children. After initial steep hike in screen viewing, the screen time has automatically declined. With eating out places being shut down including Zomato /Swiggy, the long lost chef gene in mothers (children too, in some cases fathers too) is raising its baby head and making presence felt. Meal times are more fun. Kitchen seems like an adventure theme park with different dishes coming out of pans instead of being stacked cookery books. Every nook and corner of your house is feeling wanted and cherished. This is one great time to dwell upon and bring out at least one hidden talent which was in hibernation. 

The XX genotype is working round the clock to make this lockdown a success. No prize for guessing who,s the boss of this blue planet ? This time, also defies the common saying –“Man is a social animal.” Everyone is content within one,s own family, living in harmony with thy neighbour. 

Peace is prevailing all over, or is it Silence before the storm?

With this thought, I will sign off to catch you soon.

Till then, stay safe, stay indoors

Love,

Juju

Self discovery#Black hole theory

The Black hole Theory!

This is dedicated to my dear friend Twinkle who helped me in this discovery

Hello everyone,

It,s been a nearly two months time since I met my blog. Numerous activities/errands were on my mind and there was a pause -‘Statue”! lockdown as announced by our worthy PM –followed by Janta curfew which has been extended till mid April.

Being home is a bliss#24 hr meditation#ample of time#fun. Numerous thoughts/ideas pop up, linger for some time and then die a natural death. This particular theory caught my fancy.

There,s one Black Hole in cosmos as we all know. I discovered another Black hole during self quarantine period. Keep guessing !!!!!!!!!

Let me take you along on this discovery. “Mummy ! I am hungry!” says your elder child, echoed by your younger one, your spouse joins in chorus. Fine! You tend to make something interesting, appetizing, different, low calorie, etc to suit three entirely different taste buds form different galaxies. Correct! you read it all right. You make some dish to the best of your ability and culinary skills and proceed to take some rest.

Bingo! comes another voice (this time your spouse,s) “Suno, kuch badiya banaa do!”

Abhi to banaya aur khilaya – my self-defense answer ( always)

There is an unusual sense of disbelief in air which is snapped by “ Achha!”

Once again you enter your karmshetra, rather kurukshetra armoured with your you tube videos and your skills. Mission successful.  Everything seems just perfect. With a sense of pride akin to victorious warrior, you treat yourself to a cuppa of hot ginger tea. As you are about to settle on your favorite bean bag, almost when you are in mid air, your spell is broken by anguished voice of your younger one, Mummy ! where are you ? my tummy is rumbling with hunger !.

Without enjoying the comfort of my beanbag, I stand up and head towards the kitchen.

My younger one is beaming from ear to ear. Mom! Let,s make something interesting! (fingers drumming on kitchen shelf and eyebrows doing sapera dance). Mother in me doesn’t want to spoil a kid,s hope. So, once again, I am into making something exiting, different, tasty,…..etc.

This keeps on repeating from dawn till dusk!.........

Twilight is my moment of great discovery ! my spouse and both children have a black hole in their stomach/body. Where the food goes , no one knows. What I know is they keep on asking for more and more to feed this black hole with complete (read as convenient) amnesia to previous food history.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Dedicated to all mothers like me who are dealing with this during self quarantine period.

Hope my discovery makes your days easy.        

Stay tuned, will be back more often.

Love,

Take Care,

Juju.   

PARENT OF AN AVERAGE CHILD

Disclaimer: This is a post from unknown source. Edited to suit my style and taste .

PARENT OF AN AVERAGE CHILD

I often get asked, .... Your child must be good in maths , science, studies
in general... I simply say no, he is not.
My child is average.
Am I ashamed to say this?  Yes?
No !
Should I be lying that he is the best in something which he is not, in front of others? Definitely No !

My child is that average child who people fail to notice either for not being at the top or being at the bottom. People fail to notice the sweet smile, funny talks, tight hugs,  friendly personality, kind behaviour, mild manners, helpful nature because he is JUST an average child.

The school, society celebrates children who are top scorers or good in sports and extra-curricular, which rightfully they should.

Amidst all this, my average child who is a spectator and cheers his friends with full heart goes unnoticed. His  love for sports ,(even when he knows he is not going to be selected for school team)  his love for music (even though he knows he is not going to be selected for school choir) never diminishes. He does all this to enjoy it rather to compete.

Am I a parent, who is not strict with him for not scoring at the top. Yes, I am strict to an extent and have lost my cool many times in the past.
His words pierced through me when my 11 year old child asked, "Mom, do you not respect me for who am I "?

How many of us thought we should respect children?  We adults demand our respect each and every moment of our life. Why not a child?

Among children preparing for IIT,  MBBS even at a tender age of 11 years ( I feel it's cruel ,akin to killing childhood in pursuit of trophy child competition). My average child is talking about traveling the world, meeting new people ,a reading new books of different genre's, tasting  different cuisines.

My average child might or might not become a doctor, astronaut, scientist But he is sure to grow up to be a good person, who will spread cheer, happiness and positivity.

Last but not least: a message for ONE and ALL
*Notice the average child. All that child wants is a smile or a kind word from us adults for just being their true self ,and to give assurance to trust the world.
Please refrain from making Xerox copies of our own selves.
They are children of future.
For generations to evolve : let us help in maintaining their originality.

Each child is different, so is each parenting Style.

Love,
Juju 

Society ! are you ready for empowered women?

DISCLAIMER- THIS WRITE UP IS NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYBODY,S SENTIMENT. BASED ON REAL LIFE INCIDENTS

Society ! are you ready for empowered women?

Women empowerment has always intrigued me especially gender equality. Women should never strive to be equal to men or follow their footsteps - if a man can do, why can,t I ?
Everyone needs to understand that god created man and woman from entirely different mould, their brain wiring, physical attributes etc are from different sets. To compare anything, the qualities must be similar and in this case, they are poles apart; so how can we compare men and women.

Why not cherish our own individual characteristics? Why not be a better your own good self. When society talks about women empowerment, an invisible label stating women you are inferior is already pasted on the forehead. Where on one hand, you make a woman feel inferior, on the other you try and talk about upliftment ! A woman herself is complete as she has power to create and nurture.
Are we training our men enough to be ready for this new independent, educated, self sufficient women ?

As a woman entrepreneur, it is a daily struggle to keep your workplace in a peaceful working condition. Your friendly neighbourhood (comprising of male gender) can,t seem to digest the fact that a woman is running her own workplace for nearly two decades with entirely female staff, smoothly and peacefully. They take it on themselves to create trouble on every occssion , be it blocking the parking area or throwing their waste/dirty water in front of main gate or just staring at your clients etc.

When she shifts a motorbike to create parking space for her own vehicle, onlookers keenly watch her every movement/rather every millimeter of shift without offering any help. Basic humanity seems to have vanished.

Can you expect compassion or help from such a bunch of mindsets, if any untoward incident happens to a woman? They stand like helpless, naive four legged species. It seems as if they feel tied by unseen shackles which prevents them from coming forward to help : how can we prevent sexual abuses/acid attacks/other shameful sins ?

To prove ourselves as highest evolved species , we need to be aware of the responsibilities and duties which comes in this package.

The path is long and winding before we reach towards a society/ place of close to perfect, compassionate healthy mindset people.

Feeling hopeful and confident, we will.

All that is required is each one changing one,s own mindset.

Love,
Juju 

Modern age sin#Stress#necessity Vs choice

Modern age sin#Stress#necessity Vs choice

These days stress is a word used by every second person, age no bar, caste, profession no bar. Even a two year child says, "Life mein bahut stress hai !" Students, professionals or homemakers or elderly everyone justifies themselves by using this word. Stress is an alibi for all the unfavorable /unwanted outcomes.

It seems as if basics have been forgotten that it,s ones own duty to be happy and peaceful. We need to seek inside. Whatever we need is already within us: sad part is everyone is seeking it from outside, hence in this pursuit, fails in every attempt leading to dissatisfaction and boom pops up the modern age sin " Stress".

This word is loosely used without understanding in depth, the actual meaning. Stress is the difference between expectations and reality (to put it simply) and has various forms like physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, workplace, financial etc. In which ever sphere we are involved, there is bound to be difference in expectations and reality: hence various forms of stress.

Put yourselves in gratitude mode, have complete faith in almighty our creator. Life will become stress free. As mentioned in Holy Gita, " Whatever happens: happens for a reason and for our good. We can not forsee what almighty sees. Have complete faith and move on ". After all the first and last chapters are already written, need to manage in between.

"Our word is our world" is a famous saying. One can change one,s life by changing one,s dictionary of day to day life. As a beginner in this new world of words, try labeling problems as challenges, outcomes as just results, mistakes as experiences. Gradually, one realize the positive impact and becomes a master creator of his/her own dictionary.

Some believe stress is necessary for growth. Stress is not a necessity to live life to the fullest rather a hindrance.  Keep your remote in your own hands and press the reset as often as possible, one will be one step closer to stress free life.

Take Care,

Juju.

Roads#Life lessons

Roads# Life lessons

Morning time, school time, drive time, holy time, when you connect
with the almighty in fleeting seconds almost instantly.
Traffic signal caught my attention while driving my son to school today morning. Morning calm and serenity is disturbed by driver’s honking even
at redlight as if the driver ahead ( me)is oblivious to the traffic signal.

It was clear that the next traffic signal lights were in coherence with the above said light. Immediately my thinking cap was on. Why everyone is in such a hurry to cross the red light. Red light is akin to moments of pauses in our lives to think and introspect, whether my ship is navigating in the right direction or do I need to steer, and assess the path ahead.
Even if we cross this red light by overtaking, we need to stop at the next one. So, what’s the hurry?
Let the engine rest (vehicles as well your own body ), then take the best shot in first gear and cross both the green lights at one go maintaining a good speed and saving on fuel and wear tear.
A simple traffic signal emanates so much energy and life’s theory.

Next came the speed breakers on the road. All the vehicles at different positions and speed came to halt, especially the ones at high speed had to make an abrupt halt to cross over. Eventually, all vehicles were at the same pace and position.

Have you ever wondered why these speed breakers are made at the most important roads/ places like-school, temples, residential areas, busiest market places, offices, etc?
The reason is life in these areas is concentrated and hence, very precious. It's time to slow down your speed, cherish life, maneuver slowly and steadily over the speed breaker to avoid hitting your vehicle from below.
Maintain a slow and steady pace, so that speed breakers# challenges in life can be overcome smoothly. The faster the pace, the more abrupt the halt and chances of jolt/injury increase.

The first chapter and last chapter has already been written.
In between, one has to manage.
Happy managing in-between parts of our lives.

Love,
Juju
 

Half filled glass # Life lesson# 1 approach

Half filled glass # Life

All of us have heard this story about a glass on table, half filled with water.

Million dollar question is- what’s your take on this?
Half filled or half empty……….

Interaction with my FPG always illuminates my mind and thinking process, and a casual conversation yields a new meaning to this old life’s story of half filled glass.

An optimist views it as half filled whereas, a pessimist views it as half empty.

This theory is old, rather obsolete. there are few takes on this.

So what are the newer interpretations.......

One is that one should just pick up the glass and fill it with all his/her might. Why should one waste time? A courageous and determined person will use this approach, rather than ponder ,whether it is empty or filled!

Another is, to fill the remaining glass with either water, milk, juice or anything of one,s own choice and so as to modify the original content.

Wow! never thought like this. In fact such approach should be in all spheres which are not functioning well.
Time to stop, think!
Don’t waste time on analyzing situations.
Get up and act.

As the saying goes,
Doers don’t speak # they act.
Thinkers only speak #don’t, act.

Immersing this theory within, I acted and penned down my thoughts.
Ha! Ha!

Love,
Juju

Hello Raju !!

Hello Raju!!

My ears yearn to hear these two words everyday for the past 53 months.

The voice behind is like music to soul, soothing balm to aching life.

“If dreams were horses, beggars would ride them “, goes the famous old saying which holds true. Actually, I feel like a beggar dreaming of listening to my mom,s voice one more time, with awareness to the highest conscious state that it will remain unfulfilled, until I cross over to the other side.

Cheers! this is not a teary, sad write up. Smile please!

When we meet/call, the energy of our first greeting sets the pace and tone of further moments in both individuals. An enthusiastic, energetic greeting, uplifts the mood with the energy being immediately passed on multiplied many a fold.

“As you sound: thou you shall be”, is my favorite tag line.

Even if one is feeling low, the mere effort to greet in a positive way will uplift the mood and day.

First impression is your last impression. Similarly, first greeting also leaves an everlasting impression.

Make sure that your josh is always high.

One of my friends has wonderful way of replying whenever we meet/call. 

Her reply to how are you?, is always “ Bahut badiya, bahut badiya, zindagi ke nazaare le rahe hain.”

Love,

Juju

Mummy # becomes # Papa

Mummy # becomes # Papa

Another beautiful morning! Bright, sunny, birds chirping, children with their school bags going to school by different modes of transportation

Scene: Driving my son to school.

Thinking stage: a casual remark# thinking cap# introspect

Me: “Hey son!, your dad has gone for a conference, what are our plans for the evening ?”

Son keeps quiet as if meditating

I repeat my question again to catch his attention.

Slowly, he lifts his face and turns towards right, “Mom, are you even aware that when papa is not around, you become papa. I don’t, know how but I sense a complete transformation. It feels like as if my mom is gone and papa has entered her. ”

Me (taken aback): “What do you mean? I am your mom and that's it.”

Son: “You start behaving like papa, become more conscious of everything and in trying to manage single handedly, you lose your temper often,”

Now how cool is this remark “Awwh!!

He continued, “You are at your best self when papa is around. So, I don’t like when papa goes away, even though I am not vocal about this.”

We reach school. He opens the door, tilts his head towards right and smiles

(just like his dad). Hey, mom, you just got your blog topic and runs away happily

I wear my seat belt, put the first gear on. While taking the U-turn back, my mind is crisp clear about the message my son gave me in those two lines.

On introspection, it dawned upon me that when your spouse is not around, the other one become responsible for each and everything, related to children, self, home, work etc. This creates an unknown sense of dual responsibility (rather pressure). On conscious level we are in total control, however,sub-consciously we weigh under this pressure. Hence, the change in behaviour (as children feel).

I remember my momsie - popsie,s golden words,“Raju, dampatya jeevan mein (in married life), husband wife share responsibilities, only their areas are different. Just because one is handling responsibilities which are visible (like- child care, cooking, taking care of house etc, doesn’t mean the other one is not doing his job. This is best perceived when either one leaves for couple of days. A child needs both parents for his overall development. A father readies the child for the world. Child is equally attached to both though is generally more vocal about his/her love for mother.”

At this point, I realized the deep understanding and clear thought process children have although we say, “Arye yeh to bachha hai!.” Bacha hai parr sacha hai,is like a pure diamond unaffected with ways of world.

It is important to keep this thought in our conscious state of brain.

My little son, school jaate jaate, zindagi ka anootha paathh padaa gaya.

Mom, you were right whenever you said, “you will understand your mother more, when you (I) become a mother.” Your Raju understands you more, loves you more, misses you more with each living moment.

Take care,

Juju

Twilight # Parenthood

Twilight # Parenthood

A continuously evolving, self improving, learning journey beautifully describes parenthood, where one is a teacher as well as a pupil.

One should be one step ahead or abreast with their children’s world in terms of knowledge and latest developments especially in IT sector.

The market /media is flooded with various tools and methods of becoming an effective parents. Our parents, grandparents and forefathers never had such amazing info as parents of our generations have.

Parenthood is a natural process which one learns by becoming one! Isn't it simple! Then why do we need techniques, apps and methods to be one ?? This question keeps knocking at my grey matter. Even I have gathered lots and lots of info and am of the thought that I am a cool chilled parent till my belief was shaken by one phrase from my elder monk.

A discussion on “Chichhore” movie # myself taking pride in saying that we are cool parents, blah blah! # message that as parents, we had never put pressure on any our kids, etc. It was that one glorious moment when I was about to pat myself for being an amazing parent, when...……...

My monk interjected , “ Mom, are you aware that parent’s repeated comments like – you are intelligent: you are hard working : don’t worry,  don’t take any pressure etc- the  so called positive statements also amount to pressure build up in a child. You think, you are relieving their pressure. On the contrary, you are building a tremendous amount of pressure in their heads. As a child, we tend to bear the dual weight of expectations, one -our very own and two, which parents have from us.”

The parent in me started shaking with a disbelief that my positive supportive behaviour/ statements (so as I thought to be) has side effects rather adverse effects!, Filled with remorse, I prayed for forgiveness from God. God, show me the correct path. I am so sorry my dear child.

Seeing the frown and misery on my face, my elder monk patted my back and continued with a holistic smile, “Both of you are excellent Maa! This topic is like a double edged sword, children have a different perspective. Many a times, the pressure is from within especially when you have intelligent, successful parents. It’s entirely the child’s prerogative how he/she develops the thought process to build up or to release the pressure.

Don’t worry you act like a whistle on my (cooker) head Ha ! Ha ! “
The monk started laughing and remarked “ Itna tension nahin lene ka Maa : you are the coolest mom.” The parent in me smiled with pride, whatever maybe the discussion, my monk has finally arrived in the journey of life.

Coming back to the movie, there was no pressure on the child by his parents, inwardly the child crumbled under his own pressure (my take on this movie- difference in opinion is respected).

Enjoy parenthood # have open discussions# cherish the time spent with your children # Unka yeh bachpan naa mile dobaara!

Love,
Juju