Twilight # Parenthood

Twilight # Parenthood

A continuously evolving, self improving, learning journey beautifully describes parenthood, where one is a teacher as well as a pupil.

One should be one step ahead or abreast with their children’s world in terms of knowledge and latest developments especially in IT sector.

The market /media is flooded with various tools and methods of becoming an effective parents. Our parents, grandparents and forefathers never had such amazing info as parents of our generations have.

Parenthood is a natural process which one learns by becoming one! Isn't it simple! Then why do we need techniques, apps and methods to be one ?? This question keeps knocking at my grey matter. Even I have gathered lots and lots of info and am of the thought that I am a cool chilled parent till my belief was shaken by one phrase from my elder monk.

A discussion on “Chichhore” movie # myself taking pride in saying that we are cool parents, blah blah! # message that as parents, we had never put pressure on any our kids, etc. It was that one glorious moment when I was about to pat myself for being an amazing parent, when...……...

My monk interjected , “ Mom, are you aware that parent’s repeated comments like – you are intelligent: you are hard working : don’t worry,  don’t take any pressure etc- the  so called positive statements also amount to pressure build up in a child. You think, you are relieving their pressure. On the contrary, you are building a tremendous amount of pressure in their heads. As a child, we tend to bear the dual weight of expectations, one -our very own and two, which parents have from us.”

The parent in me started shaking with a disbelief that my positive supportive behaviour/ statements (so as I thought to be) has side effects rather adverse effects!, Filled with remorse, I prayed for forgiveness from God. God, show me the correct path. I am so sorry my dear child.

Seeing the frown and misery on my face, my elder monk patted my back and continued with a holistic smile, “Both of you are excellent Maa! This topic is like a double edged sword, children have a different perspective. Many a times, the pressure is from within especially when you have intelligent, successful parents. It’s entirely the child’s prerogative how he/she develops the thought process to build up or to release the pressure.

Don’t worry you act like a whistle on my (cooker) head Ha ! Ha ! “
The monk started laughing and remarked “ Itna tension nahin lene ka Maa : you are the coolest mom.” The parent in me smiled with pride, whatever maybe the discussion, my monk has finally arrived in the journey of life.

Coming back to the movie, there was no pressure on the child by his parents, inwardly the child crumbled under his own pressure (my take on this movie- difference in opinion is respected).

Enjoy parenthood # have open discussions# cherish the time spent with your children # Unka yeh bachpan naa mile dobaara!

Love,
Juju
  

Where did you go ??

Where did you go ??

Recently, the little monk remarked, "Where did my mummy go ?" She replied, " I am here, why are you asking?"
The monk replied, " Not this mummy, my mummy !".

She was perplexed, what s happening? Several thoughts fleeted within few seconds and the reins were pulled when the little monk justified his statement with an explanation. My mummy used to a bubbly, lively, active, smiling, dancing, happy person. Of late, she has been taken over by a serious, tired, irritable person. I want my mummy back. With this statement, he left.
She was all by herself literally shaken to the core as if hit by a tsunami.

She went inside her room and looked into the mirror.
She was surprised by what she saw! She did not recognize the person in the mirror! With great disbelief, she checked the mirror. It turned out the mirror was fine. Then why , she could not relate to the person she saw in the mirror.

Once a happy, cheerful beautiful person used to live in the mirror, now she saw a tired, serious person. Has the mirror been changed? No!! Stony silence !!
Slowly, she smiled and the person in the mirror smiled back: she laughed and the person laughed with her. Instanter, she understood the root cause. All, this while she had forgotten about the person in the mirror. With a smile of complete understanding, she vowed to bring the monk,s mummy back into life.
She learned an important lesson of making oneself a priority.  We can give only what we have. It,s important that one fills with love, happiness, joy, etc to the brim so that it overflows.
Renovation is under progress.
Hopefully, soon the monk will get back his mummy.
It will be a fantastic sequale.
Take Care,
Love,
Juju

Popsie,s theory : Concept of totality

Concept of totality: Popsie,s theory

"One has to see life in totality!" Pet lines of my popsie. Whenever you see your life, try to see from all angles, all spheres, and all aspects, turn over each and everything. That,s the whole concept of totality. If one follows this theory, life becomes a cakewalk. I try to follow it, though life is not a cakewalk, but definitely comfortable. Be it your difficult times or your good times, nothing is permanent.

I broadened the concept, my modified theory of totality ( Ha! ha!). To make things simple, apply this not only on your self rather on your family too. God has given 100 percent of everything to everyone. How much percent one relishes in which part of life is governed by almighty and your karma. Just like two negatives can make a positive, moving the lower line of alphabet U makes it N, etc.

On a lighter vein, your quota is fixed for everything in life: eating, sleeping, studying, working, socializing, etc. Try to balance out so as to enjoy all activities in all aspects of life.
In my modified Theory, there are few keys points that I label as portfolios. Every family has portfolios assigned to different members. Children have a study portfolio, parents have a work portfolio, grandparents have multiple portfolios like religious,  socializing, caring, etc. As one graduate from being a child to a teenager to adult so on.... the number of assigned portfolios increases. This concept intimidates me. Life is a treasure to be cherished, relished and lived fully each living moment.

I read somewhere that I have a pact with God If God gives me another day: I promise to be a better me than the previous day.

Zindagi jeene ka naam hai saheb : jo marzi theory apna lo : parr jiyo zindagi zindadilli se!

Yeh ek Dilliwali hi keh sakti hai !( Ha...Ha...)
Love,
Juju  

Parallel world: An ode to momsie!

Parallel world: An ode to momsie!

Caution : sensitive topic. Not
intended for people with heart diseases or pregnant females or children. Read at your own risk!

Since childhood, I have been intrigued by the idea of a parallel world. It gave me great strength and courage as a child, the mere feeling of not being alone. A parallel world exists in which life goes on as it does in our world. It exists in another time and dimension. That,s it! The catch is that we cannot see them and they can see us. Difficult ( presently) to travel into another time and space dimension. One day we will!
Many may not agree. This write up doesn't intend to convince anyone. This thought was deeply embedded in my subconscious mind and I had almost forgotten. An evening call to someone close, the discussion taking an emotional turn led to re-emergence of this thought process from the pile of thought debris. There is another time and space dimension, different from ours.
How many times have you felt that you are being watched? How many times do you feel someone was behind you? How many times you feel someone is talking somewhere distantly ( soft noise). Does this sound like a case of schizophrenia?
No!, I am talking about the sixth sense or that special sense of feeling we all have experienced. When someone real close leaves the mortal form, one tends to feel their presence everywhere: as if they have become omnipresent. I strongly believe that the soul (a form of energy ) travels into a parallel world and keeps a watch on us.
Another point that came during our conversation was of the blame game: how convenient to blame someone or something for the happenings in one,s life. The real question - is it the right game? I believe any game which gives you a sense of purpose to keep moving on in life is the right game.

The parallel world is watching me and urging me to conclude. The highlight is that both worlds exist in complete harmony.
Think over, let your neurons re-charge. I feel solace with this idea of a parallel world. I know my mother is just on the other side. The best part is she can see me whereas I can only feel her. Love you mom from this world to your world: till we meet again.

Love,
Juju

Flip over: Upside/ down

Flip over: Upside/ down

This writeup is dedicated to my buddy who relocated base three and a half years ago. A casual friendly conversation regarding, passion vs duty vs hobby lead to our sudden enlightenment (mutual! thank god). As we walk in this journey of life, we come across different people with an entirely different take on life, however, there are a few bunches who follow a path closely similar to ours- our soulmates our buddies.

Travelling is my passion. The goal is to gradually tick places off from my bucket list. So, traveling comprises a routine topic of discussion. How soon one should take a break, is a million-dollar question. Initially, planning is dependent on oneself, post-marriage, according to children,s holidays schedule and finally, again as per one wish.

My Momsie -Popsie always taught the importance of parents being in their children's childhood memories than leaving a huge bank balance for them. As in this unending pursuit of generating the bank balance, one largely compromises on the time. Think over my generation people, the importance of devoting time to self and children, for tomorrow is never promised and is not a post-dated cheque to be encashed. Life does not work on the principles of the bank. Life is happening now: it,s a current account.

Coming back to my conversation with my buddy. We were discussing how work becomes boring after a certain period of time, one needs a break from it. She differed and commented, if work is your passion, you will not get bored ever. To this, my answer was, even though I love my work (passionate), I have a traveler soul.
She said, ‘ Why don,t you think that you are traveling since it,s your passion and in between, you are taking breaks of 3-4 months of work !”
Wow ! I exclaimed what a brilliant wonderful thought. She reflected upon the idea of passion and work in an upside/down perspective.  Gosh ! I love her more for this. Life is definitely 99% how we take it : only 1 % actually happens
She said, “ Chal mil gaya ek aur idea tere blog ka!”
Thanks buddy!

I always say, “ Life mein ek Anjali zaroori hai!” way ahead of KJ and
SRK said in KKHH ( Kuch kuch hota hai in October1998)
Momsie ! I am gradually learning how to live in the moment. Love you from this world to your world: till we meet again, up there
Signing off now with my next write up ready in my thoughts
Take care,
Love,
Juju

“ Marital Curry”

“ Marital Curry”

A brief background into the origin of this title. My friends were planning a post Diwali get together. I had to decide the venue and thanks to my auto correct app, “Nariyal curry” restaurant was typed as Marital Curry. The idea for my new blogpost was born.

Festival season is waning: long wait for winters is coming to an end. Post festivals like karva chauth and ashtmi, love is afresh in air (hopefully will remain so, till it condenses and settles down. 

Ha ! Ha!).

After a certain period of time in marriage, it a curry like feel.

Adjusted so well, know ones pros and cons, rather amalgated oneself with your spouse, it tastes spicey most of the time.

Recipe of marital curry:

Main ingredients are – handful of faith, trust, love, care, respect, sacrifice, affection, warmth, compassion etc with a pinch of remorse ( optional).

Preparation time: anywhere from few months to a lifetime and beyond (for few)

Toppings: fresh romance sprinkled over the brimming curry.

Serves: Basically for 2, but the aroma affects all the people in the inner and outer circle.

Calories:  Zero ( absolutely)

P.S. Don,t keep it overnight. Fresh preparation has numerous health benefits.

Happy Diwali 

Enjoy your curry

Take Care,

Love,

Juju

Secular pixel - I am an Indian

Secular pixel - I am an Indian!!!!!!!!

A thought flashed across my mind. Are we really so embittered towards each other as the media portrays to be or it,s  an unspoken ( ? spoken) truth that media is paid these days.

One needs to decide for oneself.

While driving to my workplace, as I stopped my car at the red light, my receptionist gave me a routine call and I asked her to take time from my hairstylist.

It dawned upon me that while I have been told that I am a Hindu, my receptionist follows Sikhism, my helper who keeps my office clean is of low caste and so is the man who collects garbage, my hairstylist is a Muslim and my friends are Christians, Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Gujarati, Marathi, Kannada, Malayali, Oriya, Kashmiri, etc and as my list grew, I could see myself as a secular pixel in this universe. When I employed them, I had looked at their credentials and never even asked their religion or caste. They have been with me in this journey for nearly two decades or more.

In those fleeting forty five seconds or so at the traffic red lights, I could visualize the people in the my real life - a glimpse of secular India.

Time to slow down and ponder …. Are we being baits to these media people? Answer is definitely in affirmative. But the real question is for how long??? Please check ……….

Just a thought before my next write up titled “Marital Curry”

Happy Diwali!

Juju!

Ahoi Ashtmi –Prayer for her creation - Part 1

Ahoi Ashtami –Prayer for her creation - Part 1

A routine casual good morning greeting to my daughter (who is in hostel) led to this write up when my daughter remarked, “Mummy! if you are observing this fast for our well being then, we should also keep a fast for our parents well being.”

Ahoi Ashtami celebrated on the eighth day from Poornima and week prior to Diwali i.e. Amavasya, falls on the same day as Diwali. As compared to “Karva Chauth” the enthusiasm and commercialization of this festival are to a far lesser degree may be minimal (my feeling, not intended to hurt anyone,s sentiments). for me, observing this fast is much more than a ritual. I penned down a few thoughts which crossed my mind for an effective parent-child relationship.

Communication: We are not born as parents. As we are on this journey of teaching our children; similarly our children teach us how to become effective parents. As my FPG says, effective communication is a key and this key should keep the communication door unlocked at all times. Listen to your child.

Love: Love never spoils: it always nurtures. Give unconditional love to your child. Such children are emotionally stable and decision-makers.

Time: Give your child ample time, whenever ( might be difficult for working parents ) but ensure you spend quality time or have coping mechanisms so that a child feels parents are approachable at all times.

No substitutes: Never give materialistic things as a substitute for your time. It,s a child's right to spend time with parents. In working couples, the help of grandparents should be sought.

Faith: Have faith and trust in your own child. Always believe what your child says ( more so in front of other,s). A child should have complete faith that his/her parents believe him/her

Balance: strike a balance between parents, when one parent gets angry, ensure the other parent is compassionate. A child should always have one parent for comfort.

Criticism: Never criticize your child in front of others, or his friends. Many people don,t even know the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Ensure as a parent that you follow constructive criticism only.

Don,t glorify yourself: As a parent, we normally tell stories about our academic excellence or our success stories only. We all know that everyone has failures as well as successes. There can never be only successes. We should talk about hard times and failures too. Don't, glorify yourself in front of your children. Behave like normal human beings who do things wrong and there,s nothing wrong in it.

Answer your child,s queries. My FPG,s favorite words, if you don't satisfy your child,s query, they will try to gain information from other sources (friends, internet, etc) which may not be appropriate. So, try your level best to quench their thirst.

The joy of giving: Teach your child the joy of giving by involving them in charity works and make them conditioned to this thought process of “What I can do to make things better or what can I contribute ?” .With the new academic year, ask them to keep books, bags, stationery, clothes aside to be given to needy. Charity begins at home. Give things to your helpers.

There are many more. Each day I learn new things from my little monks. My favorite pet lines which my children have heard umpteen number of times. There is nothing like a pass or fail Only result. There is no success or failure: Only experience. You are not your marks, NEVER! never associate yourself with your marks. Everyone is living in their own time zones. So go at your own pace, don,t speed up or follow others as it will lead to accidents.

As of now, I am signing off with a promise to write a sequel to this.
Love,
Juju  

Karwa Chauth special -Ten Commandments of Marriage

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

“Karwa chauth”, is an auspicious festival in our culture where a married girl prays for long life of her husband.  This is celebrated with immense integrity, love and faith for one,s spouse. This holds a multi dimensional aura with few challenging as to why a wife should fast ? Why not her husband ? Infact, there is not a single fast in our culture (as far as my knowledge goes) where a husband fasts for his wife. 

This school of thought even beguiled me for some time in my initial years. However, as I followed this ritual as told by elders. In my sub-conscious mind, a set of dialogues/phrases played (which everyone must have heard  especially by parents, bhabhi, sisters ,in-laws ) like : 

“ Marriage is an institution”,

“ You should accept your spouse as he is and not make an attempt to change him – unconditional acceptance”

“ Marriage for a boy means- end ( in terms of settlement) whereas for a girl ( > 50%), it is the beginning of a journey (fairy tale ) thanks to Yash Chopra and Karan Johar persons who are epitomes of romance and honeymooning in Swiss Alps ( More than 50 % , dimaag to inn dono ne sabse zayada kharaab kiya hai !- my apologies. May Yash Chopraji soul rest in peace)

“ Shaadi to nibhaani padti hai”,etc,etc,………..

Being on this journey for  two decades with few ups and down , I have penned down “ Ten Commandments for a successful marriage”.

First, is “Importance” – make your spouse feel important as much so that your head rises and heart beats proudly for yr mate,s glory and achievement.

Second, is “Romance” – maintain your sense of humor, make your loved ones smile, let the spark be alive.

Third is “Decisions” – Let the other one choose, make conscious sacrifices, for in their smiles lies your own joy.

Fourth is “ Independence”- Let your mate often be on themselves. A bird knows that it,s heart lies in the nest and it even knows better when flies alone…

Fifth is “ Co-ordination” – plan for working in harmony , plan evening dates with your spouse , plan intimacy….

Sixth is “ Social sphere” – never block the freedom of expression in everybody,s presence. NEVER ! NEVER ! interrupt your spouse in front of others.

Seventh is “Communication” – be open, express freely ( more of positive statements ) like you love/ care him/ her every day. Marriage is not a Saving,s Bank A/c ( ek baar keh diya to life long hai!). It is a current A/c where one needs daily deposits ( of love, care , compassion etc) and withdrawals (of negativity, remorse, arguments etc..)

Eighth is ” Arguments “- Differences are bound to happen, key is learning to agree to disagree (My FPG,s favourite point), so that arguments metamorphosize into discussions.

Ninth is “Companionship”- Be united ( as one entity) in front of others even if there is disagreement at home (My FPG,s favourite point). Your togetherness is your strength which will keep ill wishers / home breakers at bay.

Last is “Appreciation” – Appreciate your spouse for his/ her unique identity. Don,t try to change. Appreciate for who they are. I read somewhere, you have accepted a rose …….and a rose can’t become a jasmine…. However hard you may try …. So, appreciate your mate .

“Marriage is like wine; becomes intense, aromatic and soul soothing with each passing moment”.

Coming back to the point, Lets, celebrate Karwa Chauth with pure love, bliss and dedication, for your husband with no analysis and conditions !

Women are creators of life and have immense power to nuture, protect and take care of their creations in various forms - mother, wife, sister, daughter..

I always feel" Women are far more superior then men " Not a lengthy essay to endorse my point -Just one line, God could trust only women and hence gave her the power to create". Think it over !!!!

May God bless you all in abundance.

With all my love and strength,

Juju

Yes, I am changing! An ode to creators of life

Yes, I am changing! An ode to creators of life

My dear children,

When I held you in my arms, my dear pink/blue ladoo,s and we made eye contact. Then, you smiled and wrapped your little fingers around my forefinger. At that very moment ....I changed.

Ambitious young girl was gone: A mother was born.

When you slept peacefully, to ensure you have uninterrupted sleep,

My clinking bangles were gone: A mother was born.

When you garlanded your arms around my neck, and said, Mummy, this necklace hurts me,

Heavy jewellery was gone: Tulsi mala was born.

When you pulled strands from my long black silky hair, played and pulled them umpteen times,

Long black tresses (my treasure!) was gone: girl with short hair was born

When you innocently remarked, mummy, embroidery / stone/ zari work in your dress cause rash,

Heavy dresses were gone: girl in fab india cotton kurti was born.

When you wanted to play with me, run around, do cycling etc,

High heels/platforms were gone: Girl in sneakers was born

When you played with my “ Shilpa bindi “ ( shilpa chaar chaand lagaye, remember the tagline in ad) and put in it your mouth,

Shilpa bindi was gone: kesar tilak was born

When you wanted to eat food- Indian, continental, south indian, Chinese

Free spirited mast girl was gone: Chef with multi-cuisine talent was born.

When you said, “ Mummy, when will you come home from work ? “

Professional, ambitious girl, slowed down(was not gone) : a mother was born .

All these thoughts churned in my mind last evening, as I was cleaning my cupboard and came across numerous hair clips, bangles, bindi,s etc, I stood frozen in time as flashback of 20 years quickly played in front

of my eyes. The girl who started on this journey 20 years ago and the girl (Soul never age, it,s only a physical change) who was looking at me in the mirror,

Are these two girls same?.

No! I have changed, rather changing for better.

Looking back, I felt contented with my two decades journey of pure bliss, happiness with ups and downs (definitely at times).

A wide smile came across my face.

Felt happy with the beautiful change.

My pink ladoo, left for college to pursue her dreams:

a writer was born........

Hurray ! Yippee!

Love,

Juju

Settle Down !?!?!?!?

Settle Down!?!?!?

When will you settle down ? It,s high time now!, please think of settling down , .....on and on...........

We keep hearing these phrases every now and then.

The whole concept of “settling down” is misleading. I think God never meant us to settle down. The very fact our heart, brain, stomach, every cell never settles down ever, till it is nurtured (i.e. gets oxygen and blood flow). Then, why should we settle down?

Do we ever settle down at cellular level ? No !!!!!!!!!

Right from the time, life enter a mother,s womb till the time we bid goodbye to out mortal physical form, we never settle.

Infact, we are God,s supreme work in continuous process of evolving and transforming (either for good or bad, can,t say, depends!)

As a beginner on this journey of schoolhouse planet Mother Earth, we think we will settle down after finishing our studies (seriously! Do we ?)

Maybe after marriage (Nope!), then we think we might settle down after being successful (doesn,t happen that way). Certainly after kids

(absolutely not ), Ok ! after the kids grow up ( Hmm! no way ).

Ok!! I rest my case.

Hey, wait! I know when we settle down.

Oh ! yeh ! great! Let,s all listen to this .

We settle down once our children get married.

(A deep laugh) Seriously! No way, we never settle down......

Life is not meant to settle down. Life is meant to live, to cherish,

to love, to explore, to wander, to learn, to unlearn, to rebel, to work,

to win, to lose, ( Please note , all this is in present tense as life is

what is happening RIGHT NOW !, no past, no future).

Even our ashes don,t settle down, they fly in all directions.

So, why should we ?

Open your arms and embrace LIFE.

Love,

Juju.