Ahoi Ashtami –Celebration of her creation.

Ahoi Ashtami –Celebration of her creation# Ten commandments

P.S. This is one of my popular blogpost which has been edited. The Ten commandements are by writer's own experience. Any difference in opinion is deeply respected. 

A routine casual good morning greeting to my daughter (who is in hostel) led to this write up when my daughter remarked, “Mummy! if you are observing this fast for our well being then, we should also keep a fast for our parent's well being.” 

Ahoi Ashtami celebrated on the eighth day from Poornima and a week prior to Diwali i.e. Amavasya, falls on the same day as Diwali. As compared to “Karva Chauth” the enthusiasm and commercialization of this festival is to a far lesser degree may be minimal (my feeling, not intended to hurt anyone's sentiments). For me, observing this fast is much more than a ritual- it's celebration of me # my blessing to create. While sipping hot cup of tea, I penned down few thoughts which crossed my mind for an effective parent-child relationship - Ten commandments. 

1.Communication: We are not born as parents. We are on this journey of teaching our children; many a times our children teach us how to become effective parents. As my FPG says, effective communication is a key and this key should keep the communication door unlocked at all times. Listen to your child.
2.Love: Love never spoils: it always nurtures. Give unconditional love to your child. Such children are emotionally stable and decision-makers.
3.Time: Give your child ample time, whenever ( might be difficult for working parents ) but ensure you spend quality time or have coping mechanisms so that a child feels parents are approachable at all times.
4.No substitutes: Never give materialistic things as a substitute for your time. It,s a child's right to spend time with parents. In working couples, the help of grandparents or helpers should be sought.
5.Faith: Have faith and trust in your own child. Always believe what your child says. A child should have complete faith that his/her parents believe him/her
6.Balance: strike a balance amonst yourselves as parents. When one parent gets angry, ensure the other parent is compassionate. A child should always have one parent for comfort.
7.Criticism: Never criticize your child ( Never ever in front of their friends or others). Majority of us  don,t even know the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Ensure as a parent that you follow constructive criticism only.
8.Don't glorify yourself: As a parent, we normally tell stories about our academic excellence or our success stories only. We all know that everyone has failures as well as successes. There can never be only successes. We should talk about hard times and failures too. Don't, glorify yourself in front of your children. Behave like normal human beings who do things wrong and  convey that there's nothing wrong in it.
9.Answer your child's queries. My FPG's favorite words, if you don't satisfy your child's query, they will try to gain information from other sources (friends, internet, etc) which may not be appropriate or correct or both. So, try your level best to quench their thirst by answering their questions.
10.The joy of giving: Teach your child the joy of giving by involving them in charity works and make them conditioned to this thought process of “What I can do to make things better or what can I contribute ?” .With the new academic year, ask them to keep books, bags, stationery, clothes aside to be given to needy. Charity begins at home. Give things to your helpers.

There are many many more. Each day I learn new things from my little monks. My favorite pet lines which my children have heard umpteen number of times. There is nothing like a pass or fail -only result. There is no success or failure: only experience. You are not your marks, don't associate yourself with your marks. Each one of us is living in their own unique time zones. So go at your own pace, don't speed up or follow others as it will only lead to accidents. Pledge to fast from your bad words/ habits. 

Pray all of us find our own time zones and live a happy fulfilled life.
Love,
Juju  

Karwa Chauth#10 commandments

 TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

P.S. This is edited from my last year's blogpost.

"Karwa chauth”, is an auspicious festival in our culture where a married girl prays for long life of her husband.  This is celebrated with immense integrity, love and faith for one,s spouse. This holds a multi dimensional aura with few challenging angles as to why a wife should fast ? Why not her husband ? Infact, there is not a single fast in our culture (as far as my knowledge goes) where a husband fasts for his wife. 

This school of thought even beguiled me for some time in my initial years. However, I followed this ritual as told by my elders. In my sub-conscious mind, a set of dialogues/phrases played (which everyone must have heard) like : “ Marriage is an institution”,“ You should accept your spouse as he is and not make an attempt to change him – unconditional acceptance”

Marriage for a boy means- end (in terms of settlement) whereas for a girl ( > 50%), it is the beginning of a journey (fairy tale ) thanks to Yash Chopra and Karan Johar persons who are epitomes of romance and honeymooning in Swiss Alps. 

Being on this journey for  two decades with few ups and down , I have penned down “ Ten Commandments for a happy marriage”.

First, is “Importance” – make your spouse feel important as much so that your head rises and heart beats proudly for your mate's glory and achievement.

Second, is “Romance” – maintain your sense of humor, make your loved ones smile, let the spark be alive.

Third is “Decisions” – Let the other one choose, make conscious sacrifices, for in their smiles lies your own joy.

Fourth is “ Independence”- Let your mate often be on themselves. A bird knows that it,s heart lies in the nest and it even knows better when flies alone…

Fifth is “ Co-ordination” – plan for working in harmony , plan evening dates with your spouse , plan intimacy.

Sixth is “ Social sphere” – never block the freedom of expression in everybody,s presence. NEVER ! NEVER ! interrupt or try to correct your spouse in front of others.

Seventh is “Communication” – be open, express freely ( more of positive statements ) like you love/ care him/ her every day. Marriage is not a Saving,s Bank A/c. It is a current A/c where one needs daily deposits ( of love, care , compassion etc) and withdrawals (of negativity, remorse, arguments etc..)

Eighth is ” Arguments “- Differences are bound to happen, key is learning to agree to disagree (My FPG,s favourite point), so that arguments metamorphosize into discussions.

Ninth is “Companionship”- Be united ( as one entity) in front of others even if there is disagreement at home (My FPG,s favourite point). Your togetherness is your strength which will keep ill wishers / home breakers at bay.

Last is “Appreciation” – Appreciate your spouse for his/ her unique identity. Don,t try to change. Appreciate for who they are. The world has enough of critics already. 

A wise person once said, "you have accepted a rose and a rose can’t become a jasmine.  However hard you may try. " Appreciate your mate. Marriage is like wine; becomes intense, aromatic and soul soothing with each passing moment.

Celebrate Karwa Chauth with pure love, bliss and dedication, for your husband with no analysis and conditions ! There should be no compulsion. It's a conscious choice. 

May God be with all of you. 

Love, 

Juju

Walk in the park# Life's lesson

Walk in the park# life's lesson 

A bright Saturday early morning, overcast Delhi skies, I tie my favourite sneakers and set out for a walk in the park. Never realized, as to how every step that I took, I got a clearer picture of life. It seemed the whole circle of life was moving in this park right front of my eyes.

Most of the faces were unfamiliar. The faces I remember from my childhood days seemed to have crossed over to the other dimension. The park was alive with life. Toddlers in their prams, children playing sports, young people running or walking, elderly chitchatting on benches, few doing exercise in open gym. Green grass patch had small group of yoga class. The centre clearing was stage for hip hop dance class. This sight left me spellbound. Birds were singing in harmony, butterflies added their fluttering notes, their rhythm, squirrels running from one tree to another. I felt overwhelmed. I could visualize myself in different age groups in all these scenes. My trance was broken by “ Hello Juju!”.

I turned around and saw my neighbour with her mother. The recognition brought a lump in my throat. The elderly lady was a strict person who used to poke her nose in all our play activities be it on the road or in the park. She always had some nasty discouraging comment. Once a strong women, was now a frail person with Alziehmer's and required help to walk. Greetings exchanged, I completed my walk. All throughout parallel scenes were played in my mind. The spots where I was three decades ago had new children and faces of many neighbours were missing.   

Mother Earth had just taught me yet another lesson of meaning of circle of life. I am reminded of lines from the famous song - “Main pal do pal ka shayar hoon, pal do pal meri kahani hai …Kal aur aayeinge mujhse behtar gaane wale aur tumse behtar sunne wale….” ( I am a poet for few moments and so is my poetry …..tomorrow new poets will be there and so will be new audience…”).

Enjoy the miracle called “Life”.

Love,

Juju. 

It's always about you # Never us!

Reader's Choice # Stop comparing!

Reader's Choice # Stop comparing!

(P.S. The name of reader in Reader’s Choice blog write ups is never disclosed. Any close resemblance to anyone is purely incidental. In this write up, I will dwell upon marital relationship from girl’s viewpoint to honor Reader’s request).

Fingers of our hand are unequal in length. The purpose of each finger is different. Do we ever compare our little finger with our thumb or fore finger? Never! The answer is so obvious. Then why do we compare ourselves with others in many aspects. One tends to compare houses, vehicles, income, family, children, their college etc and even relationships. Two different souls with entirely different backgrounds tie the nuptial knot with a promise to live till last breath and beyond. Initial euphoria gets settled and reality hits both of them. In patriarchal society, the girl leaves her house, surname and gives her best shot to whole heartedly accept the boy’s family. (Exceptions are always there.)The boy is used to his own home’s style and sees a girl’s world through his mother or sister’s eyes. This forms the crux. The girl he is marrying to has a different set of eyes. There are bound to be differences. To top it, there is a basic genetic difference in their physical and mental outlook. A little bit of understanding, patience and acceptance can help in smooth sailing.

The girl’s life undergoes a major change. Besides, adapting to house habits, food habits there is another important thing – adapting to language, tone and pitch of the members. The tone and pitch of one’s words can be interpreted in different ways by the recipient. Louder tones sound rude and cause hurt. Few differ and believe, “It’s the content what matters and not the tone”, easy to say but difficult to practice.

Coming back to comparing topic, turbulence sets in when the boy compares the girl with his mother or sister or friend’s wife. This leads to souring and obviously the relationship smells. Everyone is a unique creation of Almighty, how can anyone doubt this. It can lead to feeling of inadequacy and incompleteness. How this habit leads to gas lighting, one can really never know.

A request to all couples, please accept your spouse as he/she is, don’t try to change – you will not only waste your energy but damage the bond too. Books which I recommend to all couples are "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", "Hundred things, I wish I knew before I got married, "Momsie Popsie Diary- Tea time chit-chat on living life."

Each one is unique and is different. Unconditional love and acceptance is the key.

Secure your own key.

Love,

Juju

Reader's Choice # Appreciate the living

Reader's Choice # Appreciate the living

(P.S. The name of reader in Reader’s Choice blog write ups is never disclosed. Any close resemblance to anyone is purely incidental.)

Many a times, one gets so lost in the memory of someone real close that one tends to ignore the living. The power of human mind has not been harnessed as yet. The memory of those who have crossed over into another realm outweigh the reality.  Thoughts of deceased one, keep on playing in one's mind and all the moments of association seem to be sewn together in a shorter time frame. The thought traffic is so much that it leads to slowing of neuronal signal traffic. A grieving heart cannot see beyond the grief. Many a times, one identifies the mistakes done with the deceased soul, and unknowingly repeats it with those living. It is of utmost importance to learn from past experience so as to not commit mistakes in the present.

Covid pandemic has been a witness to countless untimely deaths in various age groups. In my outer circle, a young death happened. Their family members were in a state of shock. The same shock in third degree relatives caused few whispers. Generally, during such times, the talk centre’s around destiny and fate. There is repetition of the course of events which lead to early mortal exit of a noble soul. Things get so whisked up and family tends to disconnect with present. It takes a man of great wisdom to break this spell and motivate the rest of the family to be aware of present and plan accordingly.

The grief should not outweigh the love for other living members. Else, it causes scarring in once so called beautiful relationships. Grieving is a let go mechanism and is important, but more important is to cherish the living, May God be with all of us and bless us a clear vision. Always remember, to be God loving and not God fearing. Love creates miracles.

Love,

Juju.

Reader's Choice # Fault in stars

Reader's Choice # Fault in stars

(P.S. The name of reader in Reader’s Choice blog write ups is never disclosed. Any close resemblance to anyone is purely incidental.)

It’s a normal human tendency to find fault exteriorly whenever something goes wrong in our lives. It’s so easy to look outside and needs immense courage to dwell inside. Gradually, one tends to label it as “It’s all in my stars, not my fault.” This one phrase seems to erase the guilt. Is it really so?

My work place’s tranquility was broken when a friend literally barged into my office, visibly disturbed and murmuring, “He always does this to me, it’s my fault, my destiny is star crossed, I have faulty stars and so on. As a pro active reflex, I played my favorite Buddhist chants and ordered two cups of strong milk tea. After pacing my office for few minutes, she eased and sat on my reclining couch. I did not utter a word and patiently waited for her to speak up. She started off with the usual difficulties one faces while living in a joint family, issue of maid servants, division of labor, mismanagement and so on. For every wrong doing, she was felicitated with the blame garland. Nothing new seemed to be coming up. I slowly sipped my tea and waited for the final volcano to erupt. Suddenly, tears started rolling down her cheeks and she uttered,” The fault lies in my stars. Whatever I try to do rebounds back and shatters me with a greater force than the previous one. Every time, I feel I am back to square one. Nothing seems to have changed over the past two decades.” I just listened quietly without any interruptions. Gradually, her verbal energy dissipated and she started sipping tea. Only glances were exchanged.

I spoke slowly and calmly, “Every time, you react in the same way, then how can you expect a different outcome. Why blame the stars?  Stop labeling these as problems and label them as situations.  Nothing is permanent. Be pro active and try to handle these situations in a different way. Stop looking at the same door. God has made many doors for you. You need to open other doors. And I promise, the outcome will be different”. Before, I could finish the last word she wiped her tears, hugged me and smiled. Further she spoke, “Now I know that I owe this and don’t have fault in the stars. There is no fault. All this while, I have been looking at the same door, ignoring others doors. Now is the time to open another door.” Tying her hair into a knot, she left my office. The stride in her walk told me she has finally learnt the lesson of “Walk the talk”, I have been endorsing since a time immemorial.

“A lot can happen over tea.”

Love,

Juju

Reader’s Choice # Father-son: the less spoken about relationship- Part 2

Reader’s Choice # Part 2

Father-son: the less spoken about relationship

P.S. This is not a gender based write-up. Name of the person on whose request this has been written is strictly confidential. It's a lengthy write up for a blog hence, it is divided into 2 parts.  

 

Many a times, father asserts his position and power which doesn’t go well with his children. There is hairline difference between being assertive and dictatorship. Many a times, father’s behavior is judged as dictatorship by his own children especially son. Daughter’s tend to bend /bow down whereas as a son may confront. It seems like you are against your own self (a thirty years younger version). 

Children learn by imbibing what they experience. Parent’s actions and conduct leaves a lasting impression than their words/preaching. In an attempt to prevent the child from committing mistakes, which parents did at the same age as that of their son's, usually an urgency or impatience creeps in which disturbs their mental state. The child's growth chart is always different from his parents. Let this chart be original. Everyone learns in his own unique style. 

“While you thought nobody was watching you: I watched you!’’ This silent message is in the mind of every child. So, be conscious of your own actions as a responsible adult/parent. If the child doesn’t see you respecting your own parents, no amount of schooling or motivation will let the child respect you. If a child doesn’t see you behaving well with your staff or general public, he will think of it as a normal way. Do lay down correct moral values. Be a role model for your child. In between father and son, none should try to enter, be it mother/wife or sister/daughter. A father's heartbeat can be heard in his son's chest. All pain vanishes if someone is hugged at the right time. Precision of timing is also important. A father should try to inculcate soft emotions too. 

“Angry young man “phrase has been always shown as a sign of macho man whereas a compassionate, lively man is always portrayed as second in lead – as hero’s best friend. I often wonder that during the entire film, the hero tries his best to be with his lady love and has to face all obstacles and villains. Whereas, the so-called chilled out friend hangs out with his lady love throughout the length of the movie. Although the friend is not glorified as a hero yet, he seems to be living a happy fulfilled life on his own terms. The hero under the ‘macho man’ burden spends his energy and time in fighting to live a peaceful life.

My humble message to all the fathers – Be the man/human being you want to see your son grow up as. Your son is watching you, imbibing your actions. You are under the radar all the time. Be more of a friend, more of a guide, more approachable. The time machine is ticking and soon your son will outgrow you in stature and position. Look at yourself and make the changes in your own good self, which you think your son needs to change. 

There is no perfect parenting book. No prefect father son relationship. It  is based on a concrete foundation of love, faith and trust.

Hope you elevate your relationship to the highest level.

Love,

Juju.

Reader’s Choice # Are we non judgemental enough !

Reader’s Choice #Are we non-judgemental enough! 

In this Reader’s choice series, request is to highlight body shaming

(P.S. The name of reader in Reader’s Choice blog write up is never disclosed. Any close resemblance to anyone is purely incidental.)

God has taken every bit of care to create unique living beings. We, the highly evolved human beings have somehow forgotten this and try to judge each and every thing, aspect and God's creation too. Birth and death, day and night, hot and cold, dry and rains, greenery to deserts, everything on this planet co-exists. The essence lies in the existence of other realm. Somewhere during the evolution, one part of being non judgmental has become rudimentary and being judgmental has hypertrophied.

Right from the time a soul takes a mortal form, so does the judgement of our society. One is judged on basis of color, sex, caste, creed, weight, height etc. There are different judgment parameters for age groups and sex. In males, height, weight, education and income figures top the list. Whereas in females, the toppers are color, weight, height, cooking skills, grooming etc. Education and income figures are towards the rear end in the list. Later on, the leading questions are age of marriage, children, post delivery weight gain issues and so on.

Body shaming has gained importance recently. Women are vocal about it and are boldly condemning it. A women’s body goes through a lot of changes from the time she enters teenage till child bearing. Each one is aware. Majority of the women judging other women have undergone these changes too. Surprising or shocking! (Can’t even think of an appropriate word).

In our beloved society, people care about us, much more than one can think about themselves, how one lives, and with whom etc ? How does one dresses up, their physical appearance and so on and on. They feel it is their moral duty to tell a overweight lady that she needs to lose weight for her own good self. Imagine! What a way to do social service? Most of the times, the person giving advise has BMI more than normal range. Such acts lead to undue building up of stress. This is evident as seen by rise in mental issues. 

I conclude by a quote which needs to be ingrained in every living mind, “If you have nothing nice to say to someone, better to keep your lips sealed and smile.” Every one deep down knows everything. Please refrain from making the person aware of it. The most soothing word is a word of appreciation. If you can’t appreciate, it’s absolutely fine. But, please don’t judge.  

Let’s pledge to be non judgy.

Love,

Juju

Reader’s Choice # - Father-son: the less spoken about relationship- Part 1

Reader’s Choice # Part 1

Father-son: the less spoken about relationship

P.S. This is not a gender based write-up. Name of the person on whose request this has been written is strictly confidential. It's a lengthy write up for a blog hence, it is divided into 2 parts. 

 

Father! a person who readies the child for the world, who is generally busy in working to provide a comfortable life for his family. A figure who spends most of his time working out of the comforts of home while his wife looks after their house and family. The relation between father and son is multifaceted and multi dimensional. There is a popular saying, “By the time, I realized my father is right, I have a son who thinks I am wrong.” One realizes the depth of this as one attains maturity. If one goes down the pages of history, one can find innumerable stories about mother’s love, but there are very few about father’s love.

Men are not expressive by nature. The actions like hug, embrace or kiss are in dictionary of only a handful few. The heart yearns to embrace the son, but some unseen force, stops them from doing so. This can be attributed to their upbringing. Normally, a child rushes in arms of the mother, very rarely of father. If one gets hurts, the first exclamation is of mother’s name. Men being outdoor personality and providers are made to believe they are strong and infallible, whereas on the other hand, woman who are nurtures and care givers are thought to be kind hearted. This has lot to do with their single hormone which governs their masculinity. Women are governed by two hormones which make them vulnerable.

A father often sees his younger self in his son. In order to prevent his son from doing the mistakes which he did in his younger days, a father tends to be more assertive and tries to dictate his son. He fails to remember that though his son is chip of the old block, he is an individual too. The son’s primal need to be recognized and accepted as an individual, if not fulfilled, leads to many tiny areas of conflict.  

My Popsie says (in context of father),” One needs to understand that, while narrating incidents which happened twenty or thirty years ago, one should ponder, do they hold any relevance in the current scenario? Are they in any way beneficial to his children? Do remember, the times, the circumstances were entirely different from what your children’s generation is facing now. ” If one tends to see things in this perspective, there will be less communication errors with the next generation. Another point my Popsie advocates is ," Be a listener. Let your child complete what he/she wants to share. Do not interrupt or be in a hurry to answer. The child should feel at ease while talking to his father. Learn to listen patiently. Don't listen to answer."

Sharing a cute incident, which happened few years ago. I took my little monk (my son) to the doctor's clinic for an injection. The nurse casually remarked, “Don’t even think of crying, men are numb to pain (mard ko dard nahin hota).’’ My monk embraced me and said, “Mom, I am afraid and I do feel pain. Is it something to worry about?’’ I hugged him and said to ignore these baseless talks. As humans, one tends to feel pain as it is nerve related. It’s time we stop labeling man as strong and woman as weak. A child should be brought up like a child and not as son or daughter. Once, this change happens within us and around us. Gradually, we will hear more of father son stories too. 

Hope you elevate your relationship to the highest level.

To be continued as Part 2...

Love,

Juju.

Mobile in Mobile World

 Mobile in Mobile World!

This term struck me, as I waited along the side of road at zebra crossing, waiting for my turn to cross the road. Almost every vehicle rider, be it a two wheeler or a four wheeler, almost everyone had a mobile phone in one hand and other hand on the wheel.  They seemed oblivious to the ongoing traffic and pedestrians. All the expressions and thoughts seemed to be in sync with the person on the other side of the mobile. It seemed scary to me to cross the road. A thought struck me, “Why are human beings in so much hurry? On which race track are they running? Is multi tasking a good thing? If the answer is yes, then, at what cost?”

They are already in a physical mobile state. To add a cherry on top, the mind is also in mobile state. How can anyone focus on the work which requires one’s total attention (here, I refer to driving). One has to act sensibly when, the life of others is at risk besides one’s own life. Every day, we witness these scenes, many a times, are enacting these scenes too. All of us are fine actors. God has given us a beautiful life to relish and cherish. How can we put our life at stake for that one moment of urgency to answer a call?

In this digital world with developments at breakneck speed, human being has forgotten to enjoy the journey along the way. Please apply brakes, steer your vehicle to one side and stop to take the call or to enjoy life. For once, practice immobility in this mobile world. Disconnect to connect! See the difference and choose. One always has a choice. Choose wisely.

Love,

Juju

PES !

PES!

I am sitting at my workplace. A known friend comes and reaches out for my hand. She holds it. I am taken aback by this. Sensing my discomfort, she blurts ‘” I have come to take positive energy from you!” “Are you a PES?” I retorted. She gave me a blank look.  I explained to her, “PES implies positive energy seekers or sucker, either way. Which category do you belong?” She smiled and said, “Obviously, seeker.”

Our conversation over cup of tea transcended from trivial things to life altering experiences. After forty five minutes, she stood up seemingly charged and confident. Heading towards the door, she looked back and smiled, “I am in love with this word –PES, important is to be seeker. “ Swaying her ponytail she walked, there was a spurt in her stride. I felt charged and filled with positive energy too.

In my day to day life, I am wary of suckers and inadvertently invite seekers. There is a hairline difference between the two. It is of utmost importance to recognize this difference. Watch out for vibes and energy around you. In case of suckers, one feels uncomfortable and suffocated whereas in seekers, the air is light and fresh. Two alphabets “uc” make all the difference from “ee”.

It all depends upon one’s frame of mind. A happy, peaceful mind attracts seekers and a sad, restless mind attracts suckers. Important is “uc : you see” the suckers, almost always. Avoid them at any cost. If at all, the circumstances are unavoidable, keep the meeting as brief as possible. Have a circle of seekers and you will always feel your battery is charged up. Don’t let your battery drain.

(With inputs from my Popsie & Dr. Merchant , my mentor) - With a seeker the flow of positive energy should be both ways so that you are not drained,  whereas with a sucker the flow is one way only. 

Next time, do ask yourself whom you are dealing with! Learn to differentiate PES (seeker) from PES (sucker). Charge your mind’s battery every single day.

Happy charging

Love,

Juju

T&C apply

T&C apply

In all important documents, all of us must have noticed that terms and conditions are mentioned in very small size, barely visible to naked eye. There is a reason behind this strategy. What is appearing large and obvious is relevant, but the small alphabets at the bottom form the crux. So often, one tends to ignore the small written content and reads what the seller wants us to read.  The seller knows the mind of the buyer way too much than the buyer himself.This is one of the most time tested technique for allurement.

T & C is applicable to every aspect of our lives. In every work sphere, every relationship there exist terms and conditions. Mother nature, functions in an immaculate way by its own laws. Any species, who challenges the laws, tends to face the wrath. There are innumerable incidences which one can read and must have witnessed too in their lives.

To harness the wild energy of man, certain terms and conditions were laid down by learned sect of the society. From childhood, these are slowly incorporated. In the house, everybody has a assigned role, which works towards the common goal of peace, security, happiness and progress of family. School works on different terms with regular attendance, assignments submission, examination etc. As one grows, accordingly the terms and conditions change. 

Work culture and marriage has its own set of terms and conditions.  The larger script deals with all the positive, motivating values like hard work, health, happiness, joy, serenity, etc .The smaller script mentions all the negativity like failure, disease, sadness, stress etc. If one focuses on the smaller script, one tends to feel skeptical and afraid of life. However, if the larger script is read out loud and with full convinction, one tends to live life more meaningfully. Here the seller is God and he is selling a beautiful life with certain terms and conditions to preserve mother earth. 

Do read up terms and conditions but keep focus on the larger script. It’s time to introspect the t & c in one’s own life.

(Word of caution: the terms and conditions of reading this write up, is to share this in maximum groups).

The truth is, I  love all my readers without any terms and conditions.

Love,

Juju

Through a child's lens ! Born to rebel!

Through a child's lens!

P.S. This write up is written in a light vein to add humor to real life anecdotes as perceived by me as a child. If one is true to oneself, you will echo the same feelings. 

Who is a rebel? There are various ways to define this depending upon the sphere of activity. I define myself as a born rebel, giving my Momsie a real hard time. I challenged her ways of expression of showing mother's love by pouring extra ghee in meals or filling (almost overflowing) cup of milk, adding grated bottle gourd in yogurt, chopping vegetables so fine and tiny, that they cannot be picked separately by spoon or fork. And one ends up eating them. This conduct seems like a heinous crime to a small child.  In spite of asking what to cook for lunch, my mother prepares some entirely different meal, also accounts to breach of trust. To a child (here I refer to myself) mother seems no different than a Jai Chand, many a times.  

As my journey around the sun increased, so did the rebel in me started raising  it's fang. At times I feel, I was instrumental in premature wisdom highlights in my mother. It must have been a very difficult for my creator to handle such a child who challenged her nearly every belief. I remember distinctly, I was very vocal about a board outside Dilwara temple, Mount Abu, Rajasthan ,India. It clearly mentioned, "Women, who were having periods were prohibited from entering the temple." Believe me! my Momsie could not make me understand the logic behind this statement. 

As a child, I have locked myself in the washroom on some miniscule thing. Then, cried my heart out, when I could not open the latch. My Momsie had to make our house help (luckily he was of small frame) squeeze through the bathroom window to help me get out. I didn't get any scolding (though I know now, I deserved to be spanked). Rather my mom was concerned about her child's well being. 

Once, my mother cut off few labels off my favorite frock while I was attending school. She must have never imagined, this action by her scissors would yield an unpleasant noon and evening. When I returned from school, I felt hurt and betrayed. I slipped under the double bed and wailed my heart out. Out of all the dresses, why did she chose my favorite dress to be sacrificed. I cried for nearly two hours. I vividly remember, my mother bent down on her knees and trying to spread her arm under the bed to reach for me. I kept moving away from her. My elder brother and sisters got irritated to the core by my monotonous, sharp wail. They kept telling my mom to leave me alone. But my mom said, "She's hungry, how can I leave her?"

Exchanging school tiffin with my Malayali friend was a routine. Parantha/ poori / pickle were exchanged for idli chutney. Then I  learnt “Barter system”. My mom would pack extra paranth/ poori's as she believed idli were not fulfilling.

Although a rebel at heart, I could always feel her unconditional love and support all the time. One incident which is very vivid in my memory is of a train journey to my maternal grand -parents. I was given the impression that Popsie was accompanying us (I am very close to him). My siblings knew that Popsie had come to just drop us at the station. When the train started, my heart beat skipped, my dad was on the platform. I thought he had missed the train. I screamed for help, requested mom to pull the chain, but to no avail. She kept telling me, that Dad had boarded the next coach. At every station, I waited to catch a glimpse of him. I cried for full six hours, throughout the duration of journey. On reaching our destination, I felt betrayed and back stabbed. I made a pledge with myself, never to believe my mother and siblings. Suddenly they seemed alien. How could they do this to a seven year old child? I wept myself to sleep that ill fated night. 

To make things more difficult, my siblings tried their level best to make me feel like an adopted child. The story they always told me, goes like this. All of them had gone to a pilgrimage place. My parents spotted a very fair, cute child in arms of a beggar seeking alms. On threatening the beggar with dire consequences, the beggar gave the child.  The child was adorable and my parents didn’t feel like leaving the child. This way, I made an entry into my family. Can you believe it? My mother literally had to show the hospital records where I was born. There are so many other tormenting incidents (Really ? no way) which are now a part of my treasured memories.  

Fast-forward many years, these incidents became cherished memories which we would joke about. Often my mother recalls, “Raju! what a tough time you gave to all of us. Only if God blessed you with a child like yourself, then only you would realise that parenting is an art!"

Through a child's lens, all these incidents were life altering as it had elements of breach of trust and dishonesty (Ha ! Ha!). Looking back I feel, I deserved a little more strict upbringing. My parents and family’s unconditional love and support helped me in shaping up the way I am. I pray to God, when my children are in their forties and they look back, they say," Mom dad, you have done a wonderful job. You are awesome."

Like I want to convey to my Momsie- Popsie, “You are wonderful parents and have taught us ways of life, both in our personal and professional front. Pray that we can become like you or somewhere near ”.

Keep reading # keep sharing # Keep inspiring# keep shining.

Love

Juju.

The Closure! Part 2

P.S. This write up is dedicated to all the souls who left their mortal form suddenly, who were alone in their last moment or did not get a proper farewell as per their rituals and customs. Dedicated to my school friend who is unable to come to terms with loss of her parent and seeks my help. Pray this helps !

Human beings live life as if, they are immortal. The awareness about mortality has been deeply buried. Time and again, the vulnerable aspect of human life strikes and the slumber is broken. Some handle it in a stride, few tend to remain shaken, for  others, it may take a long time to come to terms with reality .

Covid pandemic has been one of the greatest tool in bringing this fact on surface. Human beings are vulnerable and mortal. Yet, many  people tend to forget this. Last eighteen months have witnessed many instances. So many people were half way across the globe when their loved ones left on higher journeys. The pain of not being in their last moment or in being a part of their last journey has given rise to many psychological issues. The feeling of helplessness is a very strong emotion. 

One must need to accept the fact that, "In the court of God ,there is no appeal. One must accept his will gracefully". My Popsie's sentence when my mother left on her higher journey. There should be no space for guilt. The moment is decided by God. When the time comes, there is  no way, one can postpone it. This phase is very tender, tiring with numerous ongoing inner conflicts. The events tend to replay repeatedly in one's mind. One tries to find areas of mistakes or moments where a better decision could have been taken so as to beat death. It is of great importance to remind oneself that the decisions taken in those circumstances were the best. 

Gradually, each one finds ways of closures. That closure is near complete healing. Some like to keep few things of their loved ones as memoirs. Few cook meals, which was the deceased one's favourite. Few try to identify the habits in their siblings, some try to carry forward their legacy or give a meaning to their unfinished tasks. Or few dedicate a book to their loved ones, just like me.

My book Momsie Popsie Diary -Tea time chit chat on living life, is my closure. Now I can talk about my mother and my eyes don't get wet. It took me nearly five years to find my closure. Hope all of you find your closures!

Just a fleeting thought ! Is this really a closure ? Or we are fooling ourselves into believing it! 

Don't analyse life, enjoy life. 

The show must go on. 

Love, 

Juju.

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

Indiscipline Vs Discipline

A baby is born in this world, free, natural and pure. The entire family tries to inculcate discipline in the little child right from the next moment. Be it feeding schedule, bathing schedule, toilet training etc. Somehow, what the newborn learns depends upon the learning experience of the teachers - parents and family. 

During the initial years, the carefree, natural soul is conditioned as per family's and society values. Everything seems black and white with no transition zones. It,s either right or wrong. Gradually, the child becomes a disciplined and cultured person. The situation changes when the time comes to fly from the nest.

Welcome aboard ! the arena of life - big world. There is exposure to different culture and traditions. Many of us start to feel suffocated in our disciplined moulds. Lucky are those ,who can control/modify the breaking of their cast and embrace life as it is. If this spell is broken, indiscipline is bound to make its way. It is always right there, waiting for a chance. 

Indiscipline has many alibis. Like a slow poison, deterioration starts to happen in all spheres, be it health, financial or  personal. For nearly four decades , I have lived a disciplined life before I was suddenly hit. It changed my perspective towards life and indiscipline creeped in. My mother, my Momsie left for her higher journey in my lap six years ago. 

My thinking changed and I started doing things, like I had never ever done before. The excuse was ," Finally one has go ! No body ever walks to his/her pyre/ grave. So, live life as if there is no tomorrow." The philosophy was correct, but the means to achieve it were not right. 

Gradually, I gained extra kilos, became withdrawn from social circles, became an introvert. This reflected in my overall behaviour, my dressing sense, my eating habits etc. I was jolted out of this phase by my angel in heaven. She came in my dreams and remarked, " What have you done to yourself? Is this your way of expressing that you miss me ? No, you are just finding an excuse to justify your indiscipline!" 

The next morning rays brought clarity and hope in my life. My vision was crystal clear. My life of indiscipline moved back to life of discipline. Now, it shows in my all spheres - personal, professional and social. The journey of discipline is a tedious, rocky terrain with lots of green meadows and breathtaking waterfalls on either side. No matter what, just don't budge from your path and enjoy the journey.

Our nature works in a disciplined way, in complete harmony with all elements of life - land, water, sky, fire and spirit. We, human beings should learn to live in discipline and in harmony with nature. 

After a wobbly half decade of indiscipline , I am back to my disciplined ways . Hope all of you chose your path wisely.

Love , 

Juju! 

The Closure ! Part 1

The Closure! 

Everything, everyone needs a closure. If we talk in medical terms,the primary wound closure takes generally 24 to 48 hours, that's healing by primary and secondary intention.  Thereafter, it takes around 4 to 6 weeks for the wound to heal and tissue to regain strength. This is the time period that nature has decided upon the wound closures. But what about our emotional wounds? How much time does it take? Have you ever thought about it?  The amount of time emotional wound takes to heal, can take from few hours, to days for few of us, to a lifetime for others.

Right from the time, when we learn to speak to the time we learn to be in silence, I have realized, talking doesn't require much energy. Whereas, it takes immense strength, will power and restraint to withhold our words. In many situations, speaking becomes detrimental. The proverb, " If speech is silver, silence is gold", holds true. Silence is closure to speech.

The point here, which comes in my mind is how do we define " the closure". As a child, one learns (even at a subconscious level) that anything which we open, must be closed. For example, in childhood days, whenever we used to open a box of biscuits or chips, mother used to say," please close the tin otherwise it will lose its crispness and become soggy". Over and over, time and again one hears these various words - close the fridge, close the door, close the almirah,close the water tap, close the file, close the deal etc.  

As I sit at my work place, fully charged, energized and motivated, I begin to wonder as to what is really " The closure ?" What exactly does the closure do?  Does it mean that in that moment, we have closed or settled our karma ! I'm not sure about, what it exactly means. But one thing is clear, a closure is necessary. 

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every coin has two faces, every human being also has a good and a bad side. Similarly, every situation has an opening and closure. Every conversation also needs a concluding statement, every event/ conference, every meal etc. There is a temporary closure when we say a goodbye too!  We take birth, from a source of energy, we take a mortal form. After many years, later , again we leave this mortal form to be in our soul form that is energy. This seems like a closure. If you look at the weather, summers pave way for the rainy season,  rainy season ends and makes way for the winters,  winters to spring. 

The closure gives immense satisfaction and a feeling of completeness. The earlier one adapts to this theory of closure and start practicing it, closer is one in achieving "Nirvana or moksha".

Happy closures to all of you. Whichever thing you start, pray you are able to end, whichever wounds are gaping or open in your lives, wish you have the closures. In case, the wounds -be it emotional or physical, are infected, God give you the strength to amputate them for proper closures.

The most recent difficulty mankind is facing is in this Corona pandemic where, close ones have been lost without a proper farewell. Grief stricken people are yearning for closures. This requires another write up as Part 2.

Till then, keep reading,  keep loving, keep caring and keep sharing.

Love, 

Juju 

4:40 am

4:40 am

This word and time is very close to my heart. Those were the days !  I am taking you back to the era, when all of us lived normal lives # Pre Covid Era. My elder monk, who is in medical school used to leave by this 4:40 am PRTC ( Punjab roadways transport corporation) bus on Mondays, which ever weekend she came. This golden time period was purely divine. Waking up at 3:30 am , preparing tea, packing breakfast getting ready etc to reach bus stand by 4:30 am. 

Earlier, I had a misconception about state roadways bus setvice, especially Punjab roadways. I used to find them highly unsafe. Thanks to my elder monk, I am happy to change my biased opinion. Over the years, I found these bus services to be safe, their driver and conductors co-operative and polite. They greet you with a warm assuring smile. When they say ," Mam, don't worry, we will halt the bus, right in front of medical school",  your worries disappear.

For the very first time, when I reached the bus stand, I spoke to driver, to enquire about his health, sleep and hunger status. The driver sensed my concern and replied in a most assuring way, " Mam, seems like you have come to drop your ward for the first time! For us, it's a routine. We sleep well and don't take any intoxicant."  

Gradually, over time I developed faith and trust. This monday morning ritual from twice a month, became once in three weeks and increased gradually. With the onset of pandemic , this moment became a cherished memory. I found so many students and people who were a regular feature. Enthusiastic students waiting to board the bus as they move ahead in their journey of life, people who were off to their jobs and parents like me who always felt a piece of their heart going onboard with this "king of state highway". 

Ever since then, I have learnt to bless all the state transport vehicles especially buses. I send positive vibes and blessings to all the drivers, conductors,  passengers and pray for their safe journey to workplace or home. 

Similarly, when my elder one started riding a two wheeler, my whole perspective changed towards two wheelers on the road. Earlier, I use to find them a nuisance on roads (honestly!). Later, I accepted them as teenage vehicles in this big world of four wheelers - light motor and heavy vehicles . Once acceptance came, I started sending blessings and prayers to all the two wheelers on the road. 

With this pandemic, so many cherished routines have become memories now. Another important one, is seeing one's child in school uniform and school bag. Their energetic smiles once they reach school , their cheerful hand wave as they run towards the school gate, is a priceless moment. All your worries vanish. 

Everyone has some special time and moment close to one,s heart.

I shared mine: what's yours ?

Love, 

Juju 

When I call or message, it means....

 When I call or message, it means ........

I leave this incomplete sentence for readers, to complete for themselves. 

I will complete this sentence from my own perspective. It means that person is very important in my life and I just want to check on their well being. There is no intention of breeching into their private life. We all have twenty four hours. If someone (in your circle) messages or calls you, one should try to take that call or revert back as soon as possible (in case you are unable to take that call). 

There are many individuals who have a latency in replying. That's the way they are. It's nothing personal against someone. Their behaviour is same for everyone (No offense intended). They need to be unconditionally accepted.

I have realized, after going around the sun for four and a half decades, each person is shaped depending upon the family environment and circumstances. Some families have a habit of staying connected, keep each other updated. Whereas in others, the principle is simple, "No news, means good news ." If a person from first type connects with person from second family type - differences are bound to happen. One must accept the fact that , nobody is wrong ! they are just different. A slight change in our thinking can avoid numerous mis-understandings. 

Another aspect, which I learnt is that while reading a message , your state of mind decides the unseen tone and emotions attached by the sender. If one is happy, the message sounds chirpy and if one is irritable, the message context takes another dimension. I feel it's better to call than text ( if situation permits).

Suppose, the text is ," Please do not message I am busy ". The way we apply pause, commas etc decide the context. Here, the reader decides the tone of the sender. This can be read as , " Please, do not message. I am busy." It conveys a polite meassge . On the other hand, if it is read as (in single breath) ," Please do not message I am busy." One just cannot read the last sentence without a serious, stern expression. 

One must consider oneself as a soul in a continuous process of evolving state. Majority of us must have harboured some sour feelings against someone in message chats. I pray most of the times, these must have been resolved. Life is too short to hold grudges or hatred, when there is so little time to love and share. Whenever you get a chance please call and speak. Remind yourself every minute- "Not to be judgemental as we never know their journey." Refrain from the habit of labeling someone as wrong or bad, just remember they are different."

When I call or message, it means you are on my mind. An evolved soul said, " The most important way to show someone that you respect is, by giving them a little of your time."

Thanks for taking time out from your busy schedule to read my write up. 

You are truly special. Much appreciated. Keep inspiring. 

Love.

Juju.

What men want?

What men want?

(When they rebuke, ”Leave it, you can’t do it!”)

Disclaimer: Such kind of blogs are generally penned to help few anonymous souls, who are seeking help in empowering themselves and to gain a better understanding of their roles. Any resemblance to anyone’s life is purely co-incidental.

This phrase is very commonly used in our male dominated society. Males (not all) get a sadist satisfaction whenever they utter these words to the fairer sex. I leave it for the reader to read this phrase with appropriate pause and stress. The tone may be low, but their body language gives away the real feelings.

I often discuss with my Popsie the difference between ego and self respect. As per my understanding, in self respect, one tends to protect one’s own dignity and never puts down the other person. Whereas in ego, all effort is done to humiliate, put down the other person. the work is done on the other person - the basic difference. Reader’s discretion is fully respected. 

In long term relationships, which are created by human beings, Yes! I am talking about marriage- a bond between two souls with different backgrounds and thinking. This pious divine bond always stands the test of time right from the time of inception. Both the parties try their level best to adjust, accommodate, to get this vehicle in forward direction. Yet, at times, this vehicle starts giving errors, stops or just dismantles. 

In terms of giving in marriage, I believe a woman gives far beyond than a man can ever do. She leaves her childhood house, even her surname. All her relations take a back seat including her school/college friends. She makes every effort to adapt and fit in. The man should feel indebted to her forever. On the contrary, most of the times, things work out in a different realm. She is made to feel inadequate, not accepted, so much so that she starts doubting her own decisions (if she is not mentally strong)- the gaslighting phenomenon

My question is open to the house. Who decides, rather who gives men the power to make her feel like this? We talk of big terms like women empowerment, women liberation. This cannot be achieved till the time a woman learns to support her fellow woman. Our society can never move ahead. Women who call themselves "the torch bearers of change" in our society, who are involved in social work talk and behave differently in social gatherings and at home. The same women who lectures about gender equality, either taunts her own daughter in law’s inability to bear a male heir or forces her for multiple pregnancies or abortions. Men are a witness to all this nonsense and think it’s fine to disrespect his spouse.

A woman can be another woman’s best friend as well as foe. The roles she play, decides her loyalty. She’s great as a mother, sister, friend and wife. But can be at her evil’s best in roles of - lover, sister in law and mother in law. Till the time, this equation doesn’t change, no amount of women’s empowerment or up-liftment is going to ever happen. This can be summarized in two lines. The joy of seeing your son in-law helping your daughter, is crushed at the sight of seeing your son help his wife. I rest my case at this point.

Due to this hypocrite behavior of women, men see themselves as in-charge in respective scenarios.The motive behind saying the phrase, “Leave it! You can’t do it!” is to awaken the women from slumber. It’s time to rise above individual differences and elevate the pedestal to such a height, where no one can shake it. Always remember the main ingredients God used to create the mould of woman is love, compassion, nurturer, care giver and essence of God himself -the power to create new life which is above any other thing. Let's start contributing and stop competing. 

Don’t ponder over what men want or say or weave stories around their remarks. They are incomplete without women and every woman has a man within. Be so focused in improving your own self, that you don’t have time for any such petty things. Choose your fights wisely.

P.S. I can vouch almost none of you must have expected this write up to conclude on a positive note going by the title. Keep loving, keep reading, keep sharing.

Love,

Juju       

Que Sera Sera

 Que sera sera

“Whatever will be: will be “, these words hold an eternal meaning. Yet we tend to think more than what is necessary and disturb our mental peace.

Every human mind has two voices within – which control the extreme end of every sphere. Simultaneously, these voices send signals which can make us reactive/ impulsive or pro active. The bad voice (just to differentiate) urges  me to open the wrapper of chocolate and take a bite , whereas the good voice /other voice refrains and tries to rationalize the after effects of eating chocolate late night. Fingers are on keyboard, eyes glued to my laptop, and guess what, my right hand reaches for the side table. The chocolate is now in  my captivity. I quickly tear the chocolate wrapper and take a bite. The other voice seems to be muffled as if drowned and the bad (dominant in this moment) voice grins in the most devilish way. My good voice knows it’s pointless to argue with the bad voice and surrenders. In the next few minutes, the entire 40 grams of chocolate travels through my oro-pharynx, food pipe and rests in the stomach. This pleasure is temporary. Once the task is done, the bad voice hibernates, as if to escape the burden of this irresponsibile action. The good voice takes over, has no choice. Feeling of guilt, lack of will power etc, issues surface up.  I take a look at my cell phone to wish my daughter good night and like her status “ Que Sera Sera”. Humming this, I settle scores with my both voices and regain my mental peace.

After a long time, I adorn my thinking cap and sit in trance. Countless thoughts start traveling in my mind. Like a refree, I keep on discarding the useless ones and set aside the "food for thought" ones. Is talking with oneself, a sign of some sort of illness?  I don’t think so. 

Swami Viveknanda says,“ Do spend time with your own self, else you will miss the opportunity of meeting the best person in your life!” Our scriptures and the learned say,” All that we seek outside, is inside.“ I am unable to understand, where do we tend to go wrong? Everything is a master plan of almighty and whatever will be: will be, then why worry about future. Why can’t we just live in the moment? Sadhguru says, "Life is happening now." 

If your past is in your present, it’s not past. Future is a word of fiction, only to make human beings understand the importance of present moment. The moment gone by is past and moment yet to come is future. It’s in another dimension. The present, is the only time and space dimension we actually have in our hands.

Let’s pledge to meet ourselves on daily basis, spend at least an hour or less , so that we can exercise control over the two inner voices and become proactive.

After all, Que sera sera, so why worry!

Love,

Juju    

9 inch # Change of perpsective

9 inch # Change of perpsective

This anecdote will resonate with many of us. Two decades of marriage has it,s own shares of ups and downs with sweet and spicy memories. The scenario I am about to share is very common and occurs very frequently. In couples, especially when both are working, most of the times, one spouse keeps things be it food items or important papers. When the other spouse asks about it, the usual reply is, “It’s right in front of your eyes, how can you not find it!” The tone generally changes into impatience. This keeps on happening so frequently and one tends to think,” He/ she can never find anything, whereas it takes a second for me to find it.” A sense of pride starts to creep in insidiously. These little incidents, time and again can ignite the relationship. Whether it is doused as a small fire or it takes the shape of a major fire outbreak, depends upon the maturity levels of two souls.

During summers, I usually prepare a fruit platter and keep separate bowls for my spouse and children along with lemonade or buttermilk in the refrigerator. Recently, I was in the middle of my work, when my cell phone rang. It was my spouse on the other end. He asked in an impatient tone, “Where’s my lemonade and fruit platter? I am unable to find it in the refrigerator.” His impatience got transmitted and I replied rudely, “Open the fridge, it’s right in front of your eyes. Our children can always find their platters, how come you can never find it?” He replied promptly, “I can only see dry fruits and milk jug in front of my eyes.” I was astonished and taken aback, “Why are you looking at the top shelf? Please look in the third shelf from the top.” He casually replied, “You told me, it’s right in front of my eyes. Third shelf is below the level of my eyes.” He disconnected.

Immediately, I could visualize the entire scenario. My spouse is 9 inches taller than me so there has to be visual level difference. Our teenage children have reached my height. It became crystal clear. A wide smile spread across my face. I could feel the halo. Life is so simple. One needs to re-adjust one’s vision in different situations, time and again.

Whenever, life teaches a lesson, I call it a great day. That one moment of realization brought yet another beautiful rainbow in our relationship. I was able to douse the small fire successfully. Now I keep things at a level 9 inches higher, so that whenever my spouse calls up to find it, I can confidently say,” It’s right in front of your eyes.”

So, by how many inches do you need to change your vision level to bring spring in your lives!

Love, 

Juju.