PARENT OF AN AVERAGE CHILD

Disclaimer: This is a post from unknown source. Edited to suit my style and taste .

PARENT OF AN AVERAGE CHILD

I often get asked, .... Your child must be good in maths , science, studies
in general... I simply say no, he is not.
My child is average.
Am I ashamed to say this?  Yes?
No !
Should I be lying that he is the best in something which he is not, in front of others? Definitely No !

My child is that average child who people fail to notice either for not being at the top or being at the bottom. People fail to notice the sweet smile, funny talks, tight hugs,  friendly personality, kind behaviour, mild manners, helpful nature because he is JUST an average child.

The school, society celebrates children who are top scorers or good in sports and extra-curricular, which rightfully they should.

Amidst all this, my average child who is a spectator and cheers his friends with full heart goes unnoticed. His  love for sports ,(even when he knows he is not going to be selected for school team)  his love for music (even though he knows he is not going to be selected for school choir) never diminishes. He does all this to enjoy it rather to compete.

Am I a parent, who is not strict with him for not scoring at the top. Yes, I am strict to an extent and have lost my cool many times in the past.
His words pierced through me when my 11 year old child asked, "Mom, do you not respect me for who am I "?

How many of us thought we should respect children?  We adults demand our respect each and every moment of our life. Why not a child?

Among children preparing for IIT,  MBBS even at a tender age of 11 years ( I feel it's cruel ,akin to killing childhood in pursuit of trophy child competition). My average child is talking about traveling the world, meeting new people ,a reading new books of different genre's, tasting  different cuisines.

My average child might or might not become a doctor, astronaut, scientist But he is sure to grow up to be a good person, who will spread cheer, happiness and positivity.

Last but not least: a message for ONE and ALL
*Notice the average child. All that child wants is a smile or a kind word from us adults for just being their true self ,and to give assurance to trust the world.
Please refrain from making Xerox copies of our own selves.
They are children of future.
For generations to evolve : let us help in maintaining their originality.

Each child is different, so is each parenting Style.

Love,
Juju 

Society ! are you ready for empowered women?

DISCLAIMER- THIS WRITE UP IS NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYBODY,S SENTIMENT. BASED ON REAL LIFE INCIDENTS

Society ! are you ready for empowered women?

Women empowerment has always intrigued me especially gender equality. Women should never strive to be equal to men or follow their footsteps - if a man can do, why can,t I ?
Everyone needs to understand that god created man and woman from entirely different mould, their brain wiring, physical attributes etc are from different sets. To compare anything, the qualities must be similar and in this case, they are poles apart; so how can we compare men and women.

Why not cherish our own individual characteristics? Why not be a better your own good self. When society talks about women empowerment, an invisible label stating women you are inferior is already pasted on the forehead. Where on one hand, you make a woman feel inferior, on the other you try and talk about upliftment ! A woman herself is complete as she has power to create and nurture.
Are we training our men enough to be ready for this new independent, educated, self sufficient women ?

As a woman entrepreneur, it is a daily struggle to keep your workplace in a peaceful working condition. Your friendly neighbourhood (comprising of male gender) can,t seem to digest the fact that a woman is running her own workplace for nearly two decades with entirely female staff, smoothly and peacefully. They take it on themselves to create trouble on every occssion , be it blocking the parking area or throwing their waste/dirty water in front of main gate or just staring at your clients etc.

When she shifts a motorbike to create parking space for her own vehicle, onlookers keenly watch her every movement/rather every millimeter of shift without offering any help. Basic humanity seems to have vanished.

Can you expect compassion or help from such a bunch of mindsets, if any untoward incident happens to a woman? They stand like helpless, naive four legged species. It seems as if they feel tied by unseen shackles which prevents them from coming forward to help : how can we prevent sexual abuses/acid attacks/other shameful sins ?

To prove ourselves as highest evolved species , we need to be aware of the responsibilities and duties which comes in this package.

The path is long and winding before we reach towards a society/ place of close to perfect, compassionate healthy mindset people.

Feeling hopeful and confident, we will.

All that is required is each one changing one,s own mindset.

Love,
Juju 

Modern age sin#Stress#necessity Vs choice

Modern age sin#Stress#necessity Vs choice

These days stress is a word used by every second person, age no bar, caste, profession no bar. Even a two year child says, "Life mein bahut stress hai !" Students, professionals or homemakers or elderly everyone justifies themselves by using this word. Stress is an alibi for all the unfavorable /unwanted outcomes.

It seems as if basics have been forgotten that it,s ones own duty to be happy and peaceful. We need to seek inside. Whatever we need is already within us: sad part is everyone is seeking it from outside, hence in this pursuit, fails in every attempt leading to dissatisfaction and boom pops up the modern age sin " Stress".

This word is loosely used without understanding in depth, the actual meaning. Stress is the difference between expectations and reality (to put it simply) and has various forms like physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, workplace, financial etc. In which ever sphere we are involved, there is bound to be difference in expectations and reality: hence various forms of stress.

Put yourselves in gratitude mode, have complete faith in almighty our creator. Life will become stress free. As mentioned in Holy Gita, " Whatever happens: happens for a reason and for our good. We can not forsee what almighty sees. Have complete faith and move on ". After all the first and last chapters are already written, need to manage in between.

"Our word is our world" is a famous saying. One can change one,s life by changing one,s dictionary of day to day life. As a beginner in this new world of words, try labeling problems as challenges, outcomes as just results, mistakes as experiences. Gradually, one realize the positive impact and becomes a master creator of his/her own dictionary.

Some believe stress is necessary for growth. Stress is not a necessity to live life to the fullest rather a hindrance.  Keep your remote in your own hands and press the reset as often as possible, one will be one step closer to stress free life.

Take Care,

Juju.

Roads#Life lessons

Roads# Life lessons

Morning time, school time, drive time, holy time, when you connect
with the almighty in fleeting seconds almost instantly.
Traffic signal caught my attention while driving my son to school today morning. Morning calm and serenity is disturbed by driver’s honking even
at redlight as if the driver ahead ( me)is oblivious to the traffic signal.

It was clear that the next traffic signal lights were in coherence with the above said light. Immediately my thinking cap was on. Why everyone is in such a hurry to cross the red light. Red light is akin to moments of pauses in our lives to think and introspect, whether my ship is navigating in the right direction or do I need to steer, and assess the path ahead.
Even if we cross this red light by overtaking, we need to stop at the next one. So, what’s the hurry?
Let the engine rest (vehicles as well your own body ), then take the best shot in first gear and cross both the green lights at one go maintaining a good speed and saving on fuel and wear tear.
A simple traffic signal emanates so much energy and life’s theory.

Next came the speed breakers on the road. All the vehicles at different positions and speed came to halt, especially the ones at high speed had to make an abrupt halt to cross over. Eventually, all vehicles were at the same pace and position.

Have you ever wondered why these speed breakers are made at the most important roads/ places like-school, temples, residential areas, busiest market places, offices, etc?
The reason is life in these areas is concentrated and hence, very precious. It's time to slow down your speed, cherish life, maneuver slowly and steadily over the speed breaker to avoid hitting your vehicle from below.
Maintain a slow and steady pace, so that speed breakers# challenges in life can be overcome smoothly. The faster the pace, the more abrupt the halt and chances of jolt/injury increase.

The first chapter and last chapter has already been written.
In between, one has to manage.
Happy managing in-between parts of our lives.

Love,
Juju
 

Half filled glass # Life lesson# 1 approach

Half filled glass # Life

All of us have heard this story about a glass on table, half filled with water.

Million dollar question is- what’s your take on this?
Half filled or half empty……….

Interaction with my FPG always illuminates my mind and thinking process, and a casual conversation yields a new meaning to this old life’s story of half filled glass.

An optimist views it as half filled whereas, a pessimist views it as half empty.

This theory is old, rather obsolete. there are few takes on this.

So what are the newer interpretations.......

One is that one should just pick up the glass and fill it with all his/her might. Why should one waste time? A courageous and determined person will use this approach, rather than ponder ,whether it is empty or filled!

Another is, to fill the remaining glass with either water, milk, juice or anything of one,s own choice and so as to modify the original content.

Wow! never thought like this. In fact such approach should be in all spheres which are not functioning well.
Time to stop, think!
Don’t waste time on analyzing situations.
Get up and act.

As the saying goes,
Doers don’t speak # they act.
Thinkers only speak #don’t, act.

Immersing this theory within, I acted and penned down my thoughts.
Ha! Ha!

Love,
Juju

Hello Raju !!

Hello Raju!!

My ears yearn to hear these two words everyday for the past 53 months.

The voice behind is like music to soul, soothing balm to aching life.

“If dreams were horses, beggars would ride them “, goes the famous old saying which holds true. Actually, I feel like a beggar dreaming of listening to my mom,s voice one more time, with awareness to the highest conscious state that it will remain unfulfilled, until I cross over to the other side.

Cheers! this is not a teary, sad write up. Smile please!

When we meet/call, the energy of our first greeting sets the pace and tone of further moments in both individuals. An enthusiastic, energetic greeting, uplifts the mood with the energy being immediately passed on multiplied many a fold.

“As you sound: thou you shall be”, is my favorite tag line.

Even if one is feeling low, the mere effort to greet in a positive way will uplift the mood and day.

First impression is your last impression. Similarly, first greeting also leaves an everlasting impression.

Make sure that your josh is always high.

One of my friends has wonderful way of replying whenever we meet/call. 

Her reply to how are you?, is always “ Bahut badiya, bahut badiya, zindagi ke nazaare le rahe hain.”

Love,

Juju

Mummy # becomes # Papa

Mummy # becomes # Papa

Another beautiful morning! Bright, sunny, birds chirping, children with their school bags going to school by different modes of transportation

Scene: Driving my son to school.

Thinking stage: a casual remark# thinking cap# introspect

Me: “Hey son!, your dad has gone for a conference, what are our plans for the evening ?”

Son keeps quiet as if meditating

I repeat my question again to catch his attention.

Slowly, he lifts his face and turns towards right, “Mom, are you even aware that when papa is not around, you become papa. I don’t, know how but I sense a complete transformation. It feels like as if my mom is gone and papa has entered her. ”

Me (taken aback): “What do you mean? I am your mom and that's it.”

Son: “You start behaving like papa, become more conscious of everything and in trying to manage single handedly, you lose your temper often,”

Now how cool is this remark “Awwh!!

He continued, “You are at your best self when papa is around. So, I don’t like when papa goes away, even though I am not vocal about this.”

We reach school. He opens the door, tilts his head towards right and smiles

(just like his dad). Hey, mom, you just got your blog topic and runs away happily

I wear my seat belt, put the first gear on. While taking the U-turn back, my mind is crisp clear about the message my son gave me in those two lines.

On introspection, it dawned upon me that when your spouse is not around, the other one become responsible for each and everything, related to children, self, home, work etc. This creates an unknown sense of dual responsibility (rather pressure). On conscious level we are in total control, however,sub-consciously we weigh under this pressure. Hence, the change in behaviour (as children feel).

I remember my momsie - popsie,s golden words,“Raju, dampatya jeevan mein (in married life), husband wife share responsibilities, only their areas are different. Just because one is handling responsibilities which are visible (like- child care, cooking, taking care of house etc, doesn’t mean the other one is not doing his job. This is best perceived when either one leaves for couple of days. A child needs both parents for his overall development. A father readies the child for the world. Child is equally attached to both though is generally more vocal about his/her love for mother.”

At this point, I realized the deep understanding and clear thought process children have although we say, “Arye yeh to bachha hai!.” Bacha hai parr sacha hai,is like a pure diamond unaffected with ways of world.

It is important to keep this thought in our conscious state of brain.

My little son, school jaate jaate, zindagi ka anootha paathh padaa gaya.

Mom, you were right whenever you said, “you will understand your mother more, when you (I) become a mother.” Your Raju understands you more, loves you more, misses you more with each living moment.

Take care,

Juju

Twilight # Parenthood

Twilight # Parenthood

A continuously evolving, self improving, learning journey beautifully describes parenthood, where one is a teacher as well as a pupil.

One should be one step ahead or abreast with their children’s world in terms of knowledge and latest developments especially in IT sector.

The market /media is flooded with various tools and methods of becoming an effective parents. Our parents, grandparents and forefathers never had such amazing info as parents of our generations have.

Parenthood is a natural process which one learns by becoming one! Isn't it simple! Then why do we need techniques, apps and methods to be one ?? This question keeps knocking at my grey matter. Even I have gathered lots and lots of info and am of the thought that I am a cool chilled parent till my belief was shaken by one phrase from my elder monk.

A discussion on “Chichhore” movie # myself taking pride in saying that we are cool parents, blah blah! # message that as parents, we had never put pressure on any our kids, etc. It was that one glorious moment when I was about to pat myself for being an amazing parent, when...……...

My monk interjected , “ Mom, are you aware that parent’s repeated comments like – you are intelligent: you are hard working : don’t worry,  don’t take any pressure etc- the  so called positive statements also amount to pressure build up in a child. You think, you are relieving their pressure. On the contrary, you are building a tremendous amount of pressure in their heads. As a child, we tend to bear the dual weight of expectations, one -our very own and two, which parents have from us.”

The parent in me started shaking with a disbelief that my positive supportive behaviour/ statements (so as I thought to be) has side effects rather adverse effects!, Filled with remorse, I prayed for forgiveness from God. God, show me the correct path. I am so sorry my dear child.

Seeing the frown and misery on my face, my elder monk patted my back and continued with a holistic smile, “Both of you are excellent Maa! This topic is like a double edged sword, children have a different perspective. Many a times, the pressure is from within especially when you have intelligent, successful parents. It’s entirely the child’s prerogative how he/she develops the thought process to build up or to release the pressure.

Don’t worry you act like a whistle on my (cooker) head Ha ! Ha ! “
The monk started laughing and remarked “ Itna tension nahin lene ka Maa : you are the coolest mom.” The parent in me smiled with pride, whatever maybe the discussion, my monk has finally arrived in the journey of life.

Coming back to the movie, there was no pressure on the child by his parents, inwardly the child crumbled under his own pressure (my take on this movie- difference in opinion is respected).

Enjoy parenthood # have open discussions# cherish the time spent with your children # Unka yeh bachpan naa mile dobaara!

Love,
Juju
  

Where did you go ??

Where did you go ??

Recently, the little monk remarked, "Where did my mummy go ?" She replied, " I am here, why are you asking?"
The monk replied, " Not this mummy, my mummy !".

She was perplexed, what s happening? Several thoughts fleeted within few seconds and the reins were pulled when the little monk justified his statement with an explanation. My mummy used to a bubbly, lively, active, smiling, dancing, happy person. Of late, she has been taken over by a serious, tired, irritable person. I want my mummy back. With this statement, he left.
She was all by herself literally shaken to the core as if hit by a tsunami.

She went inside her room and looked into the mirror.
She was surprised by what she saw! She did not recognize the person in the mirror! With great disbelief, she checked the mirror. It turned out the mirror was fine. Then why , she could not relate to the person she saw in the mirror.

Once a happy, cheerful beautiful person used to live in the mirror, now she saw a tired, serious person. Has the mirror been changed? No!! Stony silence !!
Slowly, she smiled and the person in the mirror smiled back: she laughed and the person laughed with her. Instanter, she understood the root cause. All, this while she had forgotten about the person in the mirror. With a smile of complete understanding, she vowed to bring the monk,s mummy back into life.
She learned an important lesson of making oneself a priority.  We can give only what we have. It,s important that one fills with love, happiness, joy, etc to the brim so that it overflows.
Renovation is under progress.
Hopefully, soon the monk will get back his mummy.
It will be a fantastic sequale.
Take Care,
Love,
Juju

Popsie,s theory : Concept of totality

Concept of totality: Popsie,s theory

"One has to see life in totality!" Pet lines of my popsie. Whenever you see your life, try to see from all angles, all spheres, and all aspects, turn over each and everything. That,s the whole concept of totality. If one follows this theory, life becomes a cakewalk. I try to follow it, though life is not a cakewalk, but definitely comfortable. Be it your difficult times or your good times, nothing is permanent.

I broadened the concept, my modified theory of totality ( Ha! ha!). To make things simple, apply this not only on your self rather on your family too. God has given 100 percent of everything to everyone. How much percent one relishes in which part of life is governed by almighty and your karma. Just like two negatives can make a positive, moving the lower line of alphabet U makes it N, etc.

On a lighter vein, your quota is fixed for everything in life: eating, sleeping, studying, working, socializing, etc. Try to balance out so as to enjoy all activities in all aspects of life.
In my modified Theory, there are few keys points that I label as portfolios. Every family has portfolios assigned to different members. Children have a study portfolio, parents have a work portfolio, grandparents have multiple portfolios like religious,  socializing, caring, etc. As one graduate from being a child to a teenager to adult so on.... the number of assigned portfolios increases. This concept intimidates me. Life is a treasure to be cherished, relished and lived fully each living moment.

I read somewhere that I have a pact with God If God gives me another day: I promise to be a better me than the previous day.

Zindagi jeene ka naam hai saheb : jo marzi theory apna lo : parr jiyo zindagi zindadilli se!

Yeh ek Dilliwali hi keh sakti hai !( Ha...Ha...)
Love,
Juju  

Parallel world: An ode to momsie!

Parallel world: An ode to momsie!

Caution : sensitive topic. Not
intended for people with heart diseases or pregnant females or children. Read at your own risk!

Since childhood, I have been intrigued by the idea of a parallel world. It gave me great strength and courage as a child, the mere feeling of not being alone. A parallel world exists in which life goes on as it does in our world. It exists in another time and dimension. That,s it! The catch is that we cannot see them and they can see us. Difficult ( presently) to travel into another time and space dimension. One day we will!
Many may not agree. This write up doesn't intend to convince anyone. This thought was deeply embedded in my subconscious mind and I had almost forgotten. An evening call to someone close, the discussion taking an emotional turn led to re-emergence of this thought process from the pile of thought debris. There is another time and space dimension, different from ours.
How many times have you felt that you are being watched? How many times do you feel someone was behind you? How many times you feel someone is talking somewhere distantly ( soft noise). Does this sound like a case of schizophrenia?
No!, I am talking about the sixth sense or that special sense of feeling we all have experienced. When someone real close leaves the mortal form, one tends to feel their presence everywhere: as if they have become omnipresent. I strongly believe that the soul (a form of energy ) travels into a parallel world and keeps a watch on us.
Another point that came during our conversation was of the blame game: how convenient to blame someone or something for the happenings in one,s life. The real question - is it the right game? I believe any game which gives you a sense of purpose to keep moving on in life is the right game.

The parallel world is watching me and urging me to conclude. The highlight is that both worlds exist in complete harmony.
Think over, let your neurons re-charge. I feel solace with this idea of a parallel world. I know my mother is just on the other side. The best part is she can see me whereas I can only feel her. Love you mom from this world to your world: till we meet again.

Love,
Juju