Karwa Chauth special -Ten Commandments of Marriage

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

“Karwa chauth”, is an auspicious festival in our culture where a married girl prays for long life of her husband.  This is celebrated with immense integrity, love and faith for one,s spouse. This holds a multi dimensional aura with few challenging as to why a wife should fast ? Why not her husband ? Infact, there is not a single fast in our culture (as far as my knowledge goes) where a husband fasts for his wife. 

This school of thought even beguiled me for some time in my initial years. However, as I followed this ritual as told by elders. In my sub-conscious mind, a set of dialogues/phrases played (which everyone must have heard  especially by parents, bhabhi, sisters ,in-laws ) like : 

“ Marriage is an institution”,

“ You should accept your spouse as he is and not make an attempt to change him – unconditional acceptance”

“ Marriage for a boy means- end ( in terms of settlement) whereas for a girl ( > 50%), it is the beginning of a journey (fairy tale ) thanks to Yash Chopra and Karan Johar persons who are epitomes of romance and honeymooning in Swiss Alps ( More than 50 % , dimaag to inn dono ne sabse zayada kharaab kiya hai !- my apologies. May Yash Chopraji soul rest in peace)

“ Shaadi to nibhaani padti hai”,etc,etc,………..

Being on this journey for  two decades with few ups and down , I have penned down “ Ten Commandments for a successful marriage”.

First, is “Importance” – make your spouse feel important as much so that your head rises and heart beats proudly for yr mate,s glory and achievement.

Second, is “Romance” – maintain your sense of humor, make your loved ones smile, let the spark be alive.

Third is “Decisions” – Let the other one choose, make conscious sacrifices, for in their smiles lies your own joy.

Fourth is “ Independence”- Let your mate often be on themselves. A bird knows that it,s heart lies in the nest and it even knows better when flies alone…

Fifth is “ Co-ordination” – plan for working in harmony , plan evening dates with your spouse , plan intimacy….

Sixth is “ Social sphere” – never block the freedom of expression in everybody,s presence. NEVER ! NEVER ! interrupt your spouse in front of others.

Seventh is “Communication” – be open, express freely ( more of positive statements ) like you love/ care him/ her every day. Marriage is not a Saving,s Bank A/c ( ek baar keh diya to life long hai!). It is a current A/c where one needs daily deposits ( of love, care , compassion etc) and withdrawals (of negativity, remorse, arguments etc..)

Eighth is ” Arguments “- Differences are bound to happen, key is learning to agree to disagree (My FPG,s favourite point), so that arguments metamorphosize into discussions.

Ninth is “Companionship”- Be united ( as one entity) in front of others even if there is disagreement at home (My FPG,s favourite point). Your togetherness is your strength which will keep ill wishers / home breakers at bay.

Last is “Appreciation” – Appreciate your spouse for his/ her unique identity. Don,t try to change. Appreciate for who they are. I read somewhere, you have accepted a rose …….and a rose can’t become a jasmine…. However hard you may try …. So, appreciate your mate .

“Marriage is like wine; becomes intense, aromatic and soul soothing with each passing moment”.

Coming back to the point, Lets, celebrate Karwa Chauth with pure love, bliss and dedication, for your husband with no analysis and conditions !

Women are creators of life and have immense power to nuture, protect and take care of their creations in various forms - mother, wife, sister, daughter..

I always feel" Women are far more superior then men " Not a lengthy essay to endorse my point -Just one line, God could trust only women and hence gave her the power to create". Think it over !!!!

May God bless you all in abundance.

With all my love and strength,

Juju

Yes, I am changing! An ode to creators of life

Yes, I am changing! An ode to creators of life

My dear children,

When I held you in my arms, my dear pink/blue ladoo,s and we made eye contact. Then, you smiled and wrapped your little fingers around my forefinger. At that very moment ....I changed.

Ambitious young girl was gone: A mother was born.

When you slept peacefully, to ensure you have uninterrupted sleep,

My clinking bangles were gone: A mother was born.

When you garlanded your arms around my neck, and said, Mummy, this necklace hurts me,

Heavy jewellery was gone: Tulsi mala was born.

When you pulled strands from my long black silky hair, played and pulled them umpteen times,

Long black tresses (my treasure!) was gone: girl with short hair was born

When you innocently remarked, mummy, embroidery / stone/ zari work in your dress cause rash,

Heavy dresses were gone: girl in fab india cotton kurti was born.

When you wanted to play with me, run around, do cycling etc,

High heels/platforms were gone: Girl in sneakers was born

When you played with my “ Shilpa bindi “ ( shilpa chaar chaand lagaye, remember the tagline in ad) and put in it your mouth,

Shilpa bindi was gone: kesar tilak was born

When you wanted to eat food- Indian, continental, south indian, Chinese

Free spirited mast girl was gone: Chef with multi-cuisine talent was born.

When you said, “ Mummy, when will you come home from work ? “

Professional, ambitious girl, slowed down(was not gone) : a mother was born .

All these thoughts churned in my mind last evening, as I was cleaning my cupboard and came across numerous hair clips, bangles, bindi,s etc, I stood frozen in time as flashback of 20 years quickly played in front

of my eyes. The girl who started on this journey 20 years ago and the girl (Soul never age, it,s only a physical change) who was looking at me in the mirror,

Are these two girls same?.

No! I have changed, rather changing for better.

Looking back, I felt contented with my two decades journey of pure bliss, happiness with ups and downs (definitely at times).

A wide smile came across my face.

Felt happy with the beautiful change.

My pink ladoo, left for college to pursue her dreams:

a writer was born........

Hurray ! Yippee!

Love,

Juju

Settle Down !?!?!?!?

Settle Down!?!?!?

When will you settle down ? It,s high time now!, please think of settling down , .....on and on...........

We keep hearing these phrases every now and then.

The whole concept of “settling down” is misleading. I think God never meant us to settle down. The very fact our heart, brain, stomach, every cell never settles down ever, till it is nurtured (i.e. gets oxygen and blood flow). Then, why should we settle down?

Do we ever settle down at cellular level ? No !!!!!!!!!

Right from the time, life enter a mother,s womb till the time we bid goodbye to out mortal physical form, we never settle.

Infact, we are God,s supreme work in continuous process of evolving and transforming (either for good or bad, can,t say, depends!)

As a beginner on this journey of schoolhouse planet Mother Earth, we think we will settle down after finishing our studies (seriously! Do we ?)

Maybe after marriage (Nope!), then we think we might settle down after being successful (doesn,t happen that way). Certainly after kids

(absolutely not ), Ok ! after the kids grow up ( Hmm! no way ).

Ok!! I rest my case.

Hey, wait! I know when we settle down.

Oh ! yeh ! great! Let,s all listen to this .

We settle down once our children get married.

(A deep laugh) Seriously! No way, we never settle down......

Life is not meant to settle down. Life is meant to live, to cherish,

to love, to explore, to wander, to learn, to unlearn, to rebel, to work,

to win, to lose, ( Please note , all this is in present tense as life is

what is happening RIGHT NOW !, no past, no future).

Even our ashes don,t settle down, they fly in all directions.

So, why should we ?

Open your arms and embrace LIFE.

Love,

Juju.

Hello Sir ! gift is free

Dear Diary,

A routine call in the morning, lead to creation of this post.

(Disclaimer:  This post is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to anyone is purely co-incidental).

Cell phone rings, Tring...tring...... !!!!!!!!

“ Hello, May I speak to Ms.Z”

Ms. Z “ Yah, speaking

“Sir, you are our esteemed customer, so bank ABC has decided to increase your credit card limit from xx to xxxx for (with suspense in voice) free. If you confirm, I will process the request.”

Ms Z,” Not interested please.”

Sir you are not getting my point, it,s for free , why are you hesitant? No hidden charges , its for FREE .”

Ms Z , “ Sorry, not interested “

Voice intervenes , it,s free ….. ( tails off as Ms Z ends the call).

Another call,

Hello, Sir aapka ka lucky draw mein naam aaya hai, gift lene ke liye aapko date xxx, time y : yy par,  place zzz par aana hoga !”

Ms Z ,”  I have never taken any lucky draw tickets.”

Sir, this is our company,s promotion draw as it’s a new start up. You are indeed lucky. So, should I confirm yr time, day and place?”

Ms Z,” Since, it’s a lucky draw gift and your company wants to it give me, please send it at my residence,s address.”

Sir, this is against company,s rule. You will have to come in person to collect .”

Ms Z , “ I can send someone, please share your address and location.”

Sir, you are not getting the point, this is against company,s rule. You will have to come in person to collect.”

Ms Z, “ In that case, you only keep.”

“ Sir, what,s the issue, you are not understanding, it,s a free gift.”

Finally, Ms Z, fumes, “ Listen bro, just keep the gift and don,t ever call again else you will land up behind the bars.”

But Sir, it a free gift…………. …..disconnected

At a shopping mall,

Hello Sir, we have noticed that you done a good shopping worth Rs X amount.

Festival offer is going on…. If you shop for additional YZ amount , you will get gift vouchers worth xyz amount which can be redeemed later.

Ms Z (thinking like yeda samjha hai kya , I have shopped for Rs 2000 and that too the stuff which I needed. Why should I spend extra 3000 to 8000 rupees to be able to be entitled to get your voucher scheme worth Rs 5000 shopping or Rs 10,000 shopping. Where will I spend the voucher amount ?, Politely replies), Nahin, bus ho gaya, bill karr dijiye .”

Sir, the vouchers are free, you are not understanding, vouchers are free…….

Ms Z (controlling temper internally fires back )” Why don’t you shop and take the vouchers ! ”

(pays the bill and walks away ) .

Sir, but vouchers are for free …, Free shopping… you are not understanding………..

Please understand, the market and environment are trying to make us into compulsive buyers. So is case with eating/ dining out.

Beware ! recognize difference between Needs Vs luxury. Dont, overindulge merely for free vouchers or gifts.

Let,s pledge not to become compulsive buyers as the scene is being set again and again in the stage of our lives.

Take Care,

Juju

 

humor in white coat-Part 2

Dear Diary,

Festival season, festive mood, high spirits, happy faces, everything is full of life , blooming, blossoming.

A little humor will add the much required flavor.

(Disclaimer:  This post is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to anyone is purely co-incidental).

Case Scenario 6 (Oozing with smartness kinds)

Patient walks in for ultrasound examination of abdomen. Staff helps the patient lie down, requests the upper clothing to be rolled up and to loosen the belt and lower

A casual reminder to the staff to expose the part to be examined properly, as scanning will be done of the exposed part only.

Never in my wildest dreams thought, patient was intently listening.

Silently,the patient gets up, removes his shirt and lower and to everyone,s surprise, lies on the examination table only in his boxer shorts ( ONLY ! Imagine the shocked faces of doctor and staff,  .

Alas ! my good lord, what happened? No one asked the patient to undress.

Patient (smiling in an unusually irritating smart way ) : I overhead you doctor that only exposed part will be examined. Now ,will you do my whole body scan.”

Doctor (thinking hey bhagwan! uthha le mujhe types internally but saintly expression externally), Please, this is not how it goes. We will do the part as requested.

Patient sobers down, in pensive mood , Ohh k ! I am sorry, dresses back and lies down for his abdominal study.

Pin drop silence in the room……for next 15 minutes

Case Scenario 7 ( VVV* IP patient)

Patient pulls out minimum 4 different slips from different doctors requesting for concession. Meanwhile, concerned doctor receives 3-4 calls with the same message that the patient is known to them with a tagline, “ Dekh lena please “

Doctor gets up from his seat, bows , folds his hands and says softly,” I think I owe you a payment from my pocket. Thanks for so many request slips and phone calls for such a simple thing. I am indebted to you now.

(Internally, thoughts are churning , iss sab ki kya zaroorat thee, ek simple investigation ke liye, khud hi request karr leta mere bhai”)

I pray to God for patience and sanity.

Case Scenario 8 ( Frozen in time type -patient).

Patient ,s response after being asked for payment , “Abhi to karwaya thaa doso-teenso mein, fees kuch zayada nahin hai kya ? “

Doctor asks calmly, “ Kab karwaya thaa? “

Patient scratching his head and thinking , “ Yahi, koi….. chhe aath mahine pehle “

Doctor with Gautam Buddha,s smile, “ Not possible “.

Patient (with iffs & buts expression) “ Thoda zaayda der ho gaye hogi pandrah bees saal pehle !”

Doctor responds, “ Chacha! Itne mein to main bachche se jawaan aur aap jawaan se buddhe ho gaye ho ! “

Patient slowly slitheringly pulls out (it seems some invisible glue is stuck to currency note and purse), the exact payment with eyes rolled up to roof , “ Hmm, sahi kaha, mahanagye badhh gayi hai, abb aapne bhi to ghar chalana hai  .”

Keep smiling, keep reading, keep sharing. Humorous anecdistes from daily life of a doctor.

Take Care,

Juju

Relay delay

Dear Diary,

Here comes the kartik month spreading festivals and celebrations everywhere. Everyone's seems to be in an unusual happy, peaceful space.

Even I was caught up in this space for quite some time ,that  I neglected my child : my blog. There was  a delay in  relay from my blog.

So many thoughts and stories keep moving around within my white matter . Finally, I have caught hold of few important ones, which need to be penned down, to bring them to life.

This weekend, will bring alive few hard core facts. Till then take care, keep loving, keep reading, keep sharing.

Love,
Juju

Humour in white coat- Part 1

Dear Diary,                                               

It,s festival time favourite time of the year when everyone is happy, full of positivity and energy.
So, I thought of sharing few awesome lessons which I have learned from my respected teachers- my patients. I am sure these will bring a slight curve on your face after all smile is the best accessory which many of us forget to wear.

Case study 1- Epidemic encounter

Doctor," Namaste, how are you ? Aapko kya taqleef hai?"
Patient:" You are the doctor, not me, you tell ! If I knew , why would I  come to you ? " ( That makes sense.Doctor silently prays and starts with the examination protocol.

 Case study 2 : Melodramatic encounter.

Doctor : "Namaste , how are you ? What brings you here ?"
Patient ( in tone full of melodrama): " Kya batayein daac....tarrrr sahib, ithhe sassa daa raula hai ! ( problem with mother in law)
Doctor ( taken aback) :"Oh ! that,s fine , parr probelm kya hai ?"
Patient : " This is the problem."

My sympathy for the doctor

Case study 3: Oversmart silent encounter

Doctor :" Namaste!, what are your complaints ?"
Patient keeps quiet. Even after 10-15 minutes doctor fails to get a response.
After sometime, finally the patient speaks up" If I tell you everything, what will you do , paise vasool karne hain. You find out on your own without my help."
Doctor : " Okay there! where are your previous reports ?"
Patient: " Why do you need previous reports  Are you going to copy. You make new report. I have thrown old ones."
OMG! pray for sanity of Doctor.

Case study 4: Docalcholic rural patient, addicted to doctor shopping

Doctor : " Namaste! how are  you ?"
Patient ( in a voice full of remorse and grief ) : " Abb kya batayein, peechle dus saalon se  ilaaj karwa raha/rahi hoon , bimari ka bhed nahin milaa."
( I am visiting doctors since last 10 years, my diagnosis has not yet been made )Aapka naam suna, socha bimari mil jaayegi to paise vasool ho jaayeinge( Heard about you, so have come ).
Poor soul , may God bless with some paise vasool disease. Just joking !

Case study 5 : Innovative patient
a case of delayed periods comes.

Doctor, " when was your last period date ?"
Patient , " constipation hai !"
Doctor '" That,s fine but i want to know your last period date."
Patient ( again replies in same monotonous tone): " constipation hai !"
This goes on for few minutes.
Doctor is about to loose patience so nudges the staff to ask
Staff : " please answer correctly ."
Patient becomes impatient and replies ," Bataye naa ki date ka constipation hai !"

Suddenly, the doctor realises and exclaims, " Youreka ! New term has been coined for  PCOD - polycystic ovarian disease - date ka constipation."

I know many of us will relate with above. Last case is dedicated to all my gynae friends.

God bless our everyday teacher: our patients.

See you soon with some  more humour.

Bye,
Juju

Humour in white coat

Dear Diary,

First and foremost,  accept my apology for neglecting you for a week.
Please remember my dear diary," you were always on my mind."
 On a recent trip down memory lane, I remembered my favorite childhood days book - Reader,s Digest which had a section on Humour in uniform pertaining to funny army anecdotes.

This gave birth to the topic of my next blog- Humour in white coat.
Stay tuned to read my next write up within next twelve hours.

Love,
Juju

My little monk -Part 2

Thursday 26 September 2019 11:28pm                                                                       
Dear Diary

Life is very simple for those who enjoy and turbulent for those who analyze. Many a times, we learn the real meaning of our mortal form from little munchkins in our lives.
I believe that every word which comes from a child,s mouth ( till a certain age) is word of God. Please listen to your child .
Reality is that, a child teaches us more than we think we are teaching a child .
Sharing few eye openers.

Lesson 1

Routine weekday, early morning, birds are chirping, sun is playing hide and seek with few orange rays filling the sky forcing moon to take leave and rest for few hours.

Child: " Maa!, from now on, when I come from school , I want you to receive me."

Mother: Oh dear!, you very well know that your mom is a professional and can,t come when your school gets over."

Child : " I just want to see my mother when I reach home from school. If you are a professional, that,s your problem. I want a mother only. That,s it. You decide how you are going to manage it ."

Mother ( feeling perplexed on this comment ) realizes as a child she ( mother) had her own mother at home to take care of her when school got over. Is this little demand too much ? Suddenly, turmoils of feelings swirl inside her heart and brain. Her child is asking what is his /her birth right. There is no demand of any materialistic thing, only time and attention from mother. The storm passes over and
the mother surfaces and makes an arrangement so that either she is at home or her child comes to her workplace directly.

Lesson 2

Mother : " Child, exams are round the corner. The way you are studying, I have a feeling that you will score the highest ."

Child ( who is engrossed reading his favourite book, looks up ) :" Maa! I don't study to come first in my class/section. I study to gain knowledge ,besides, I enjoy reading."

Mother: " What,s the harm in coming first in class ?"

Child: " Maa! you don,t practice what you preach me. You always encourage me to enjoy whatever one does. If we read under pressure , the enjoyment and learning disappears to a larger extent ,what remains is the pressure to score."
The child elaborates further.
Securing first position is not a difficult task. What is more important is to maintain that position. I don't mind second place. I enjoy studying.Hence, I don't want to enter this number game race. Now, if you please excuse me, I need to finish my book ."

Mother closes the door behind her. She feels blessed to have learnt yet another important lesson of life which one should imbibe in their lives.

She pledges to walk her talk and talk her walk.

Love ,
Juju

Memories cherished #memories created

Dear Diary,

This write up is a casual one about memories. All of us have cherished memories of our childhood, school days, friends, family and neighbourhood. I feel many of us are trapped within the first fifteen / sixteen years of our life (formative years) and tend to see our whole life through this lens. Some may have a different viewing lens.

To a child,s eye, this world appears to be magnanimous with an attached magical aura . As we walk in this journey of life, our visions grow and memories become small and some even fade away.

Recreating same old memories ! always intrigued me. I experimented on few of my favourite cherished memories which are embedded deep in my heart. The outcome was disheartening.

As a child, my school used to appear like a huge fort in the heart of city. What once looked like a huge building complex with big ground, now looked like a small green grey patch in the middle of a concrete jungle ( Thanks to development in name of road elevations, flyovers etc).

My post graduate institution (my pacemaker), where once I worked and moved around like a queen, acknowledged by all the professores and colleagues including employee of every class. Now, I felt like a stranger. Almost everything ( buildings, departments) had got a facelift, old staff had retired (obviously), etc

Reconnecting with old friends also evoked mixed response. With few, we gelled immediately almost like yesteryears while with many others, there was no connection .

Tourist places ( where we visited in my childhood) also had a different aura and flavour when visited again with my own family.

This taught me an important lesson of life. Just as flowing water never passes through the same path, similarly, life should be an onward progressive journey. There is ONLY ONE TAKE in this GAME OF LIFE. That is the best take.

Life is all about creating new memories ! Make sure you create awesome ones.

Memories cherished # new memories created.

My little monk-Part 2 is next on bucket list.

Till we meet again.

Love
Juju

My little monk- Part 1

Dear Diary,

Its been a while since I shared few of the practical lessons which our children teach us. We are so much immersed in our own world that we tend to forget , that all this while our children are teaching us : contrary to our belief!
Amazing! yet few of us might disagree. I am sharing few real life incidences, which opened my eyes and made me see this life in an entire different new light. I bet you will change your looking glasses too, once you become aware of the unaware.
Scenario 1 :
A routine sunday morning. I am getting ready to attend a seminar on "Know your child " -KYC.
Little Monk : " Mummy where are you going ?"
Me : "Dear, I told you last night that I will attend a seminar on KYC."
Little Monk ( scratching his head ):" If you want to know your child, then you should talk to your child and not attend some seminar on KYC."
Me : ( I feel suddenly shaken) " Oh God !, please forgive me , my child has just taught me a very important lesson ."
However, I go ahead with my plan to attend the seminar on KYC ( as I had committed).
Deep inside, now I have a greater depth of understanding of KYC.
I am reminded of my FPG golden words " Always listen to your child - both spoken and unspoken words."

Scenario 2
Mid term exam time, evening time. Little monk is watching TV.
Parents come and react spontaneously , " You have to take an exam tomorrow and you are watching TV. Switch it off immediately and go to your room to study."
Period !Intense silence !.
TV is switched off and little monk walks towards his room.
Later he speaks up, " Mom dad, I have revised my syllabus twice and was watching my favourite show in my break time. Is there anything wrong in this ? Please appreciate my time management skills."

Parents rationalize ," How can you watch TV during such time ?"
Little monk : " Adults confuse me . On one hand you teach me to be happy and peaceful and not to take stress , on the other hand you are unnecessarily building up stress rather creating it ."

I put on my thinking cap : " He is right , we should appreciate his time management skills and encourage him ."
Silently, I make a promise with myself. I feel my FPG nodding and smiling.

I learnt important lessons .
To be continued...……...

Love,
Juju